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IZZY

“He’s going to be fine,” Vira said for the tenth time, doing her best to reassure me.

I paced the living room, trying to believe what she was saying. Knight had been the first person to truly understand what I was going through, and even though I needed a reality check, at the time, he gave me what I needed. I gnawed on my fingernail, trying to remind myself that no news was good news.

Patrick stood in the corner of the room, watching me prowl through the house like a caged lion. For a long time, I didn’t like other men in the house, but since my relationship with Jason had grown, I’d become more comfortable around Patrick.

I stopped and turned to him. “Can’t OPS call the hospital?”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “They won’t tell anyone here anything Jason doesn’t know.”

His answer frustrated me. I needed updates, and I got the feeling Jason was holding something back. It had been twelve hours since his last call. “Why is this taking so long?”

“Any number of reasons,” Patrick answered. “They’re most likely busy with security.”

“And a five-minute phone call is too much?” I snapped.

“Sometimes,” he said, his eyes narrowing on me.

God, I hated it when these men were right. Yes, I realized there was more going on than I could ever realize, but I was going out of my mind. A gentle knock on the door broke through the chaos in my head and I stormed over, swinging it open.

I sucked in a harsh breath at who was standing there. I couldn’t believe it. “Mom?”

She gave me a hesitant smile, stepping forward to lock her arms around me. I stiffened at the touch, but I wasn’t sure why. She was my mother. I should want her to hold me and tell me everything was okay, but the truth was, I hardly recognized my mother anymore. We didn’t have the same relationship we did when I was younger. This was all new and…hugs were too intimate. Having her in my life again was disconcerting.

I stepped back, putting some distance between us. “What are you doing here?”

Her eyes flicked over my shoulder to where Vira stood with Patrick. Hesitantly, she smiled at me. “I’ve been here for weeks.”

The news hit me like a ton of bricks. “Weeks? But…you were gone. You were?—”

“I was at home. I had things to take care of, but then those plans got delayed. Someone broke into the house and—” She sucked in a breath, turning away from me. “It was bad. Your father got me out, but…it brought up bad memories.”

I flinched at her words. “Of me?”

She shook her head slowly, and I got the distinct feeling that there was more going on than she wanted to share in front of strangers. Thankfully, Vira excused herself, along with Patrick.

“Do you want to come in?”

She nodded and stepped past me. “There are things you don’t know. Things I’ve never told you for a good reason. But…maybe it’s time you found out.”

I didn’t like the tone of her voice or the way she was looking at me. Things I didn’t know…Did I want to know now? I was finally beginning to get my life together. I wasn’t sure I could handle someone else’s problems as well. But I followed her into the living room and hoped whatever she told me wouldn’t set me back. What I wouldn’t give for a meeting with my therapist right now.

I took a seat across from her. The anxiety on her face made it impossible to relax. “Maybe I should get us something to drink.” I stood, but she instantly squashed that.

“I don’t need anything to drink, Isabelle.”

“Izzy,” I snapped, squeezing my eyes shut at the name. “I don’t go by Isabelle anymore.”

When I opened my eyes, she was watching me carefully. “Okay. Izzy,” she smiled.

“So…this thing with Dad...” I didn’t know what more to say. I didn’t really want to know.

“When you were on the island?—”

I rolled my eyes instinctively. “You make it sound like I was on vacation.”

Hurt flashed across her face before she schooled her features. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

I didn’t know why I was lashing out at her. It didn’t make sense. I just didn’t want to go back in time, and this felt like a major step in the wrong direction. I didn’t want to discuss Zavala or anything to do with the past, and I had a feeling that was the road she was leading me down.

“After you were taken, your father tried everything to get you back. I…I was so upset with him. Nothing was working, and I always considered him as this unbreakable man. Yet, he couldn’t help you when you needed it. As the years passed, I began to think I would never see you again. We were both so desperate to see you, and that’s when things got really out of control.”

I found that difficult to believe. For years, I suffered horribly, unable to help myself in any way. But that was when things got out of control for her? I would laugh if it wasn’t so fucking tragic.

“Your father got sloppy. He thought that he could force Zavala’s hand. So, he took his sister.”

I sucked in a breath at the revelation, understanding for the first time what she meant by out of control . “Why…why would he do that?” I shoved to my feet as an unsettling feeling gnawed at my stomach. “Taking his sister and…”

“He slept with her,” my mom admitted.

I spun, tears stinging my eyes as I stared at her. “Dad cheated on you?”

“That wasn’t the worst of it.”

My brain ran a thousand miles a minute as I tried to think back over my time with Zavala. Was there a time when things were worse? It was hard to say. The whole time was a nightmare.

She took a deep breath and continued, her eyes glazing over as she told me her story. “They broke in during the night. I hardly had time to fight back…” Her voice drifted off as she recounted the horrifying attack she suffered. I wasn’t sure I breathed the entire time she spoke of the men beating her, then raping her.

My own demons were breathing down my neck, threatening to swallow me whole if I didn’t get them under control. I turned away from her, forcing my eyes closed as I fought off the panic of feeling like I was back there, like I was in those cages again. My heart hammered in my chest with every word she spoke. It was more horrifying than I ever imagined. What I had been through was horrible and…but I only ever had to deal with Zavala’s wrath…with his hands on my body. I never?—

I clasped a hand over my mouth and fought the bile threatening to rise in my throat. “Stop,” I whispered, unable to hear anymore.

“I’m sorry, sweetie.” I felt her only steps behind me, approaching like I was a frightened kitten, and at this moment, I was.

“I can’t do this,” I said, striding across the living room to the front door.

“Sweetie—”

“No,” I snapped, turning to face her. “Why would you do this? Why would you come here and lay your shit at my feet?”

I was out of control, barely hanging by a thread. I couldn’t listen to her horror stories and maintain the control I’d so carefully crafted.

“That’s not what I was doing.”

“Then what were you doing?” I snapped.

“Trying to make you see that I understand what you’re going through.”

I laughed at my mother. Maybe I was out of control. Maybe I was being irrational and insane, but the moment her words left her mouth, I couldn’t help myself.

“You understand? Were you held hostage for thirteen fucking years? Were you held in a cage until you acted in a way that was suitable for a maniac?”

She flinched at my words, but I kept going. There was no holding back now.

“Did you have to feel the life of your child slipping from your body as you were brutally attacked by the very man who put that child inside you?”

“Izzy—” she whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

“I’m not saying that you didn’t suffer. I know what you’re trying to say, but please…do not make some bonding moment out of this. I’ve been fighting for my life—for my sanity! Did you really think that telling me this would somehow help?” I shouted.

“I thought?—”

“You thought you would commiserate with me?” I let out a sarcastic laugh. “I was in a fucking mental institution! I couldn’t leave the house, and I was seeing my dead husband everywhere. But you thought telling me how you were assaulted would somehow help me?”

My mother dropped her gaze, but I saw the tears streaming down her face. She didn’t deserve my anger, but I couldn’t hold back. My shoulders slumped as I finally let go of the anger burning inside me. This wasn’t her fault.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I really am. I understand why you told me, but—” I shook my head with a sigh. “I’m not there. I’m not ready to hear everything you went through while I was gone. It’s all still too fresh in my head.”

“I understand.” She smiled through her tears, faking that she was okay.

The truth was, neither of us was okay, and maybe we never would be. But I couldn’t force a new connection with my mother. What we had was long gone. Even when I was on the island and I was able to call her, I don’t think I ever really felt like I was speaking to my mother. She was a lifeline—a connection to a past life—but it didn’t feel the same.

“I should go,” she said, getting to her feet. “I’m sorry I bombarded you like this. When Jason told me to stay away?—”

“What?” My gaze snapped to hers. “What are you talking about?”

Her face paled as she realized her mistake. “He only wanted me to stay away because of all you’d been through. When I found out he left…” She rushed for the door. “It was a mistake to come here. I’m sorry.”

I wanted more answers, but before I could ask them, she was gone, running down the road to wherever she came from. I stood there, trying to wrap my head around the betrayal from the man I loved. No, I wasn’t ready to see her, but that wasn’t his decision to make. Why would he hide that from me?

I was about to close the door when I saw Eva walking toward me, her demeanor stiff with tears in her eyes. “Oh, God,” I whispered, sure something had happened with Cash.

I rushed out to her, grasping her arms as I searched her eyes for answers. “What happened to Cash?”

Her lips trembled as she slowly looked up at me. “Izzy…”

“What is it? Is Cash hurt?”

She shook her head slowly, and my stomach dropped out. I stepped back, sure whatever she was about to tell me would destroy me. I turned on my heel and walked away, but she caught up.

“Izzy, I need to tell you?—”

“Don’t!” I snapped, marching up the steps to my porch.

She grabbed my arm and hauled me around to face her. “I need to tell you?—”

“No, you don’t!”

“It’s Knight!” she shouted, her breath catching.

Relief swarmed me. “I know about Knight. He survived the surgery.”

More tears slipped free as she shook her head. Everything stopped around me as I took a step back, and then another. “No.”

“Izzy, I’m sorry. They tried to resuscitate him, but?—”

I spun and shook my head wildly. Another brother gone. This couldn’t be happening. “No, he’s not dead. Jason would have called me. He would have?—”

But he’d been silent for over twelve hours. That had to be why. He didn’t know how to tell me that my brother was dead. I grasped my stomach, feeling like I was about to hurl all over the porch. Eva caught me right as my knees gave out, lowering me to the porch as my eyes filled with tears.

“No, he can’t be gone,” I whispered.

“I’m sorry, Izzy. I’m so sorry.”

But they were just words. How many more people was I going to lose to this war? How many more people had to suffer?

“His kids,” I whispered. “Kate…”

The weight of what happened felt too overwhelming to deal with. If I kept thinking about it, I’d lose my mind. So, I stuffed it all in a box in the back of my mind and refused to think about any of it. I hauled myself off the porch and swiped the tears from my eyes.

“Thank you for letting me know.”

“Izzy…” she started wanting to dig further, but I was already moving on. I had to. One foot in front of the other, or I’d lose my mind and end up back in that mental institution.

“I’ll talk to you later.”