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31

IZZY

I rolled over as bright light filled my room. Stretching, I reached behind me for Jason, but the bed was empty. Turning, I let my hand rest on the pillow he’d slept on last night. Nothing else happened after our talk. In fact, all he did was hold me and talk to me. He told me all about his childhood—typical just like mine—and how he got into the military.

For once, all of it seemed so normal. We had that in common, at least. But after college, that’s where our paths deviated. He became a strong protector while I got lost in a nightmare. But his war stories were a special kind of hell that I didn’t even want to imagine. While he didn’t tell me a lot, he alluded to the fact that it wasn’t always pleasant.

And the shitty part was that it made me feel better—like he really did understand my pain. Whatever he went through, it wasn’t the same, but it was enough to know that everyone had their issues. They came in all forms, and you either fought past those issues or got lost in the haze.

Smiling to myself, I pulled his pillow closer and caught a whiff of his masculine scent. God, I couldn’t remember ever being this happy. Even before…before all of that, nothing compared to what I felt when I was with him. I just wished I hadn’t pushed him away.

My fingers brushed over paper and I picked it up, rolling to my back.

Izzy,

You have no fucking idea how hard it was to wake up next to you and not kiss you or slide my hands over your body and feel my cock buried inside you. Like I said, it’ll come in time. I had to be at work early today, but I’ll see you later.

Get out of here for the day and do something fun. Make sure you take Eva with you. She’ll make sure someone’s watching out for you.

Jason

Grinning, I flung the covers off with a renewed sense of purpose. I knew exactly what I was going to do today. I’d been meaning to do it for some time now, and I had done my research into what was needed. I was ready for this.

After showering, I pulled on some clothes and headed out. All I had to do was convince Eva to take me to the license bureau. I had no idea where Vira was this morning, but chances were she was with Patrick.

“Izzy!” Kavanaugh called out, spotting me as I made my way to Eva’s house.

“Hey!”

His eyes roamed over me curiously as he approached. I never got the feeling he was interested in more with me, and right now, he looked like he was assessing if I was really okay.

“Headed out somewhere?” he asked.

“To Eva’s.” I pointed at her house, feeling more alive than I had in a long time. “I have things to do.”

He couldn’t hide the smile on his face. Not that he should. God, he was gorgeous when he smiled. Some woman was going to be very lucky.

“I know you’re probably going to tell me to mind my own business, but?—”

“I’m good,” I interrupted. “Really. I can see the questions in your eyes, but I promise you, I’m doing good.”

He nodded, smiling slightly at me. “Does this have anything to do with Jason slipping out of your house at the ass-crack of dawn?”

I blushed furiously at his implication. Yes, things had happened, but not what he was assuming. Not that I would tell him that. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

He groaned, tossing his head back to look at the sky. “You know, one of these days, I’m gonna find a woman who makes me smile the way you are right now.”

“I really hope so. What are you up to?”

“About to head out on a job.”

Worry flitted through me and my eyes immediately went to the scar on his neck. I knew he was trained for this sort of thing, but that didn’t mean he was invincible, despite what the scar on his neck said.

“Be careful, okay?”

“I’m always not careful,” he said, flashing a grin my way. “I’ll come back in one piece.”

“Promise me.”

I wasn’t sure why I needed to hear the words so much, but he saw the intensity in my eyes and nodded, his smile dropping. “I swear. This one’s an easy one.”

“Isn’t that some kind of jinx?”

“Only if you’re flying with Scottie Dog,” he laughed. “I want all the details when I get back,” he called out as he turned away.

I waved and continued to Eva’s, pushing down the anxiety of him leaving. But then something else struck me as I walked up the steps to her house. What if it was Jason leaving? The thought of him in danger sent a spike of fear through me, but I pushed it away. He was safe and still on the property.

Before I could think about it further, the door swung open and Eva smiled at me. “I figured you’d be coming by. Jason told me to expect you.”

“Of course he did,” I grinned.

“So, what’s on the agenda for today?”

“Something really exciting. I hope you’re ready for this.”

“Exciting? Yes, I’m definitely ready for that. I’ve been cooped up with kids all day, every day. There is nothing more I want than excitement in my life.”

“What about the kids?”

“Already at the training center. Rae is putting them through a defense course.”

My ears perked up at that. “A defense course? Can anyone do it?”

She cocked her head at me as we headed to her vehicle. “Yeah. Are you interested?”

“Honestly, it’s the first time I’ve thought about it.”

As we got in the car, she shot a look at me. “You seemed stressed when I opened the door.”

I nodded, feeling the return of anxiety under my skin. “I ran into Kavanaugh. He’s going on a job.”

“Okay,” she answered slowly. “They do that all the time.”

“Right, but…well, it made me think about Jason.”

“When he goes on a job,” she confirmed.

“How do you deal with that? I mean, even now with Cash—” I stopped myself, knowing I was getting into dangerous territory.

She sighed as she pulled out onto the main road. “Yeah. Cash.”

“How are you even dealing with that?”

I watched as she stiffened and felt absolutely horrible. Not for bringing it up, but because I had been so focused on myself that I hadn’t realized how much she was hurting. God, I was such a shit sister-in-law.

“Honestly? Some days are absolutely horrible. I don’t want to get out of bed and do a thing.” Her throat worked hard as she fought back tears, but a few seconds later, she’d pulled herself together and smiled at me. “It sucks. Big time. He left me. He left the kids. And I know there’s nothing I can do to bring him back. He has to want that.”

“What if he doesn’t?” I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper.

“I try not to think about that too much. Lock is running the business and—I know he’ll do everything to keep it going until Cash comes home. I have to believe that he will because any other option would tear my soul to shreds.”

“It already is,” I pointed out.

“It is, but I still have hope.” A tear dripped down her cheek and she quickly swiped it away. “The kids, though…they’re the ones hurting. They don’t understand why he disappeared, and I can’t explain it to them. There’s no way they would ever understand. So, I just keep putting a smile on my face and pretending everything will be fine.”

“But for how long?”

She cut me a harsh look. “Speaking from experience?”

“Yes,” I said frankly. “You saw what happened to me, and I’m not saying your situation is anything like mine. But I would hate for you to go through anything that would tear you apart inside.”

She glanced over at me, smiling a sad smile. “Too late. My heart is already in shreds. There is no moving on with life until he’s home with me. There’s no walking away or giving up hope. Whatever is going on, he’s fighting with everything in him. Whether that’s for his sanity or our family, I don’t know, but I won’t give up on him. He’s all there is for me, and I have to believe that one day, he’ll return to me, and I’ll have my family back.”

My hand slipped out and wrapped around hers, gripping it tight. Surprise etched her face for a second before she squeezed back. “I don’t know how much help I’ll be, but I’m here. Whatever you need.”

“Thank you,” she sighed. “Now, enough sobbing over things we can’t change. What are we doing today?”

* * *

I knocked on his door, my heart thumping wildly in my chest. But for once, it had nothing to do with fear. I was excited, and there was only one person I wanted to share it with.

The door swung open and Jason grinned at me, sliding his hand around my waist as he pressed his lips to mine. “I told you to come in when you got here,” he murmured, nipping at my lip.

“I know, but I have something to show you.”

“Yeah?”

I nodded, pulling him outside and around the corner. He cocked an eyebrow at what he saw, then turned to me with a frown. “There’s a make believe car in my drive.”

“It’s not make believe. It’s a Bug!” I squealed. “My very first car!”

Again, he frowned. “But...I could run that over with my pickup truck. You’d be a pancake.”

I rolled my eyes at him, pulling him down the steps to look at my baby. “It’s vintage!”

“In other words, completely unsafe and falling apart.”

“You’re so pessimistic,” I laughed, opening the driver’s side door. “It’s beautiful. Completely refurbished!”

He leaned in the window, examining the interior. “Well, it looks like it’s in good condition, but again…I could run it over.”

“I don’t care if you could. I love this. I’ve always wanted a Bug!”

He grinned at me, crossing his arms over his chest. “You know, in order to drive this, you need something else.”

I opened my purse and pulled out my wallet. “You mean, this?” I held the temporary license in my hand, smiling proudly at him.

He gently took it from me, staring at it with wonder. “You did it.”

“I did it.”

His eyes flashed to mine, narrowing at me. “When did you study for this?”

“I’ve been working on it for weeks, but when I woke up this morning…” I shrugged still proud of myself. “You told me to do something fun.”

“Taking a test is not fun,” he answered wryly.

“No, but getting my baby was a lot of fun!”

“What about insurance?”

“I’ve already purchased it. I had this delivered since I’m technically waiting on all the documents, but as soon as I have my proof of insurance, I’ll be all set.”

I could tell he was still worried, and I knew that stemmed from the danger that hadn’t yet been wiped out, but he didn’t say that. He pulled the door open and tugged me out, sliding his arms around my waist. “Look at you,” he grinned. “Getting your license and everything. I’m proud of you, baby.”

“Thank you, but I wasn’t thinking about how proud you would be.”

“No?”

I bit my lip, shaking my head slightly. “I was thinking more about how we might be able to christen my first new car.”

His eyes darkened as he pulled me tighter, his fingers digging into my sides. “I think that might be a tad tight for what I have in mind,” he growled.

“Then I guess we’ll have to get creative.”

“Not there,” he murmured. “I already told you?—”

“In your bed,” I nodded. “I remember. But there are other things we can do that are still fun.”

My hand slid down his chest, between us to the growing erection I could feel pressing against me. I was tired of waiting. For all his good intentions, he was missing one vital piece of information. I wanted him, and I was done hiding behind things I couldn’t change about myself.

“Is there any chance Tahlia can watch Carli for the night?” I whispered, stroking my hand over his cock.

“I could work it out,” he choked out, pressing his cock into my hand. “Are you sure?”

“I’m really tired of thinking about it,” I said honestly. “I know I want you, and I am well aware of how good you’ll make it.”

“But the things in your past?—”

“Are in the past,” I told him. “I can’t help when something hits me out of nowhere, but I’m done hiding and worrying about something that happened before.”

His mouth landed on mine before I even finished getting the last word out. His tongue slid in my mouth, taking everything I was offering. I was so lost in his kisses that I didn’t hear the little voice calling out. Jason did and pressed me against the car, tearing his mouth from mine.

“Shit,” he hissed, resting his forehead against mine. “Carli’s here.”

I giggled, covering my mouth with my hand. “I’m sorry.”

A rueful smile crossed his face before he pressed another soft kiss to my lips and stepped back just as Carli ran up to me.

“Hey!” I smiled, bending down to greet her. She threw herself into my arms, hugging me tightly. I never thought I would want or need this from a child, but as I closed my eyes, I was filled with only happiness. I never had my baby, but this little girl was worming her way into my closed-off heart. I’d just been too stubborn to allow her in.

“Izzy! I missed you!”

“Me, too, sweetie.”

“Daddy said you were sad. Is that why he was hugging you?”

I blushed bright red as I looked up at Jason. He chuckled, shaking his head as he looked to the sky. “Yes, that’s why he was hugging me.”

Her face turned serious. “Is that why you left us?”

Normally, I would give some lie about why I was hurting, but I couldn’t do that anymore. Not if I wanted to be part of this little family. “Yeah, baby girl. That’s why I left. You know, I once had a little girl, too.”

She stared at me with wide eyes. “You did?”

I nodded. “I did, but she’s in heaven now.”

“Like my momma?” Her voice was so sweet and innocent that I pulled her into my arms and held her tight.

“Yeah, just like your momma.”

“Daddy says Momma’s still looking out for me.”

“That’s right. I bet she’s watching you right now.”

Her little eyes squinted as she stared at me thoughtfully. “Do you think she’s watching your little girl?”

My chest tightened as I thought about it. God, wouldn’t it be nice if her mother was in heaven right now taking care of my daughter? Tears pricked my eyes as I held her tighter. “I bet she is. And you know what? That would make me very happy to know she was taking care of her.”

“Like Daddy takes care of me.”

“Exactly.”

When she stepped back, I wiped the tears from my eyes, hating that I always ended up in tears, but this little girl had a way of pulling out the best of my emotions.

“I made you cry.”

“Good tears, sweetie. I like the idea that my daughter isn’t up there alone.”

“What was her name?” she asked quietly.

My breath hitched as I closed my eyes again. Nobody knew this. I hadn’t ever told a single soul that I’d named my daughter. She was taken from me, ripped away before I could even mourn her properly. And then I was recovering, drugged up for weeks because Zavala didn’t want to hear me crying over my loss. There was barely a thing I remembered from that time. I hadn’t even been able to say goodbye.

“Claire, after my mom.”

She hugged me again, this time whispering in my ear. “When I have a little girl, I’ll name her after my mom.”

“I’m sure she’d love that.”

As I held her in my arms and looked up at Jason again, I knew I’d do whatever it took to be part of this family. Maybe I would always be a little damaged, but I was beginning to see that everyone was. We all had our scars to bear, but with them, I could make it through.