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ISABELLE

“What are you doing today?”

I ran the brush through my hair and smiled at Ebarardo. “Baking brownies.”

I hoped he would be okay with that. I didn’t tell him another man would be here. He wouldn’t like that.

“You always wanted to learn to bake.”

He sat in the chair in the corner of the room, watching me as I continued to brush my hair. I stared at him in the mirror, remembering how he used to look at me adoringly.

“A little girl will be there. Her name is Carli.”

“Oh?”

I recognized that tone. Curious, but also with a hint of distrust, so I forged on. “She lost her mother recently. I thought maybe I could cheer her up.”

The air thickened with all the unspoken dreams we’d had. Family was always just out of reach for us. We’d discussed it many times, but it had never been the right moment. Well…there had been one time, but…

“Our little girl would have been seven this year.”

I nodded, dropping my eyes to the vanity. I never spoke of her, never thought of her. We’d lost her before we even had a chance to be her parents, and the pain was too much to even consider having another. She had been an accident anyway.

“Grace would have been just like you,” he smiled. “I could see it in her eyes.”

I smiled through the pain. We never saw her eyes. She never opened them. I never heard her cries or felt her squeeze my finger. She never breathed a single breath of air.

As if he knew how hard this was for me, he stood from his chair and strode over to me, pressing his hands onto my shoulders. “She was never meant to be, darling.”

He always told me that, but it never made things easier. “I just wish I could have?—”

“Don’t go there,” he said sternly. “It won’t make things better for you. Remember how hard it was for you after we lost her.”

I did. He had to force me out of bed. I didn’t want to leave my room. It was only because he made me leave that I ever had the energy to get out of bed and walk down those stairs. If it weren’t for him, I would have died of heartache.

“Sometimes, when things are hard, the only thing we can do is remind ourselves that we have strength deep inside.”

I looked up, soaking up his image in the mirror. “Do you think I have the strength to move on without you?”

“I know you do. You remember what you need to do—what I taught you.”

I nodded swiftly.

“You’re never to leave the house on your own. Always have a guard with you.”

“Always.”

“Don’t trust anyone. I’ve taught you what to watch for. You know the signs.”

“I remember everything,” I smiled.

He sighed heavily. “I wish now I had taught you self-defense. I always told you I would be there to take care of you.”

I slid my hand up to his hand, closing my eyes to feel his fingers on my shoulder, but as usual, I felt nothing but air. Because he wasn’t really there. When I opened my eyes, he was gone. Tears filled my eyes and I quickly swiped them away.

It always felt so real. How could I carry on a conversation with him and know how he would respond, but not really be talking to him? It wasn’t fair. Everyone else around me had someone they loved. Why did my husband have to be taken?

A knock on the door startled me. “Yes?” I said, swiping the tears from my face.

Vira opened the door, peeking her head in. “Hey, everything okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I thought I heard you talking to someone.”

“Oh.” I smiled, ducking my head. “Just singing to myself.”

“Gotcha. Jason and Carli are here.”

I nodded, taking a long breath. “I’ll be right down.”

As soon as the door closed, I checked my reflection one last time, but gasped when I saw Ebarardo’s angry face behind me.

“Jason? You said a little girl was coming here.”

“Ebarardo—”

“You have another man coming into your home?”

“It’s not like that?—”

“You’re mine. There is never to be another man in this house. Is that understood?”

My heart hammered in my chest as he stalked toward me, each step more menacing than the last. I knew what happened when I disobeyed him. It wouldn’t end well for me. But he didn’t do it because he was upset with me. It was because he was looking out for me, and if I didn’t pay attention to what he said, someone would get hurt.

“I swear, it wasn’t meant to be?—”

“You’ll tell him to leave.”

“But his daughter?—”

“He will not enter this house. Is that clear?”

I swallowed hard, then nodded slightly. “Of course.”

His eyes narrowed on me. “Is that clear?”

“Yes, Ebarardo. It’s clear.”

“Good. You will get rid of him right away. If I find out that you disobeyed me, there will be consequences.”

My heart thundered at his words. Consequences were never good. I nodded quickly and stood, spinning around.

The room was empty.

Closing my eyes, I took a moment to get my feet under me. No amount of deep breathing could erase the panic building inside me. There was only one thing I could do. I had to get them out of the house now. If he found out I ignored his orders, I would be in so much trouble.

“Pull yourself together,” I whispered.

When I was calm enough, I opened the door and headed downstairs. I could already hear Carli’s laughter from somewhere in the house. Jason stood in the living room, looking at a picture on the wall. It was nothing special, just something Vira found and hung. But when he heard my footsteps, he turned to face me. My hands instantly turned clammy.

I ducked my head, refusing to look at him. This was terrible. I couldn’t do this.

“Isabelle—”

“You should go,” I said, not allowing him to say anything else.

“What?”

“It’s not a good time,” I continued, twisting my fingers together. I glanced at the stairs, hoping Ebarardo didn’t hear him.

He followed my gaze, his face instantly concerned. “Is someone up there?”

My face jerked up and panic filtered into my brain. “What?”

“Why are you so nervous?”

Sweat beaded on the back of my neck with every second that passed. Why was he still standing here? Why couldn’t he just leave? This was my house. He shouldn’t be here.

“You need to leave,” I said more forcefully. “You need to go.”

My chest squeezed painfully as panic took over. Spots danced in front of my eyes and breathing was becoming increasingly difficult. I reached out and grasped the back of the chair, clinging to it for dear life.

“Isabelle, what’s going on? Who’s here?”

If he found out about Ebarardo, I would be in so much trouble. Not from him, but from my husband. “Please,” I whispered, pressing my hand to my stomach. “You need to?—”

The room swayed around me and I dug my fingers into the chair, hoping I could stay upright. His voice became nothing more than a distant echo. I slowly blinked, trying to focus on anything to keep a clear head.

“Isabelle,” I heard as he moved right in front of me.

Then he was moving past me, rushing up the stairs. I shifted just in time to slump into the chair. Bending over, I stuck my head between my knees, desperately sucking in one breath after another. Oh God, this was never going to end. If I didn’t get him out of here, Ebarardo would go after him, and then his little girl would lose another parent. It would all be my fault.

A large hand landed on my shoulder, and I jumped, letting out a terrified yelp as I scooted away from Jason. He came around to kneel in front of me, his eyes concerned as he watched my every move.

“Isabelle, tell me what’s going on.”

I shook my head slowly, my eyes drifting closed as a headache started pounding. I could barely keep my eyes open anymore. It was all too much. I couldn’t handle the pressure any longer. I just needed a break from it all.

“Maybe you should go.”

I glanced up and saw Vira shooting Jason a knowing look. Then she ushered Carli to the door, keeping herself between the little girl and me. She needed to protect her—not from monsters and strangers, but from the woman who was going crazy, who had the ability to hurt that little girl with my chaotic thoughts and words.

As the door snicked shut, I closed my eyes and leaned on the armrest, breathing a sigh of relief that they were gone.

“You did well,” Ebarardo said. “But he never should have been here to begin with.”

“I know.”

“Don’t test me again,” he growled. “Get upstairs. You know what I expect.”

A sliver of fear skittered down my spine, but I listened, getting to my feet and taking the steps one at a time. I didn’t like what I had to do, but I knew there was no way out of this. There never was.

“If you go easy, I’ll only make it worse.”

I nodded, walked into my room, and closed the door. It was time for my punishment.

* * *

Ebarardo stood in the corner of the room with his arms crossed over his chest, glaring at me as he waited for me to make a decision. I looked around, trying to find something that would be sufficiently appropriate, but nothing appeared to be quite what I needed.

I walked over to the closet and opened the door. I could sit inside in the dark for the rest of the day. Glancing over my shoulder, Ebarardo shook his head at me. It wasn’t good enough.

I shut the door.

If that wasn’t what he wanted, then I’d take things to another level. I marched into the bathroom and yanked open the drawer, pulling out the blade I kept stored in there for when I needed to feel something no one else would understand. After quickly undoing my pants, I slid them down and lifted one leg onto the toilet seat. My hand shook, but only for a second. I knew relief would soon follow.

The blade sliced into my thigh and the pain released something in me I had been craving for days. A feeling of calm washed over me, but I knew it wouldn’t be enough. One time never was. I slid the blade over my skin again, letting the blood dribble down my skin.

A tear slipped from the corner of my eye as the pain receded, morphing into pleasure. I didn’t get off on cutting myself, but it reminded me of something… I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

“Do you really think this was what I meant?” Ebarardo snapped.

My eyes flew open and I spun to face him. He glared at me from the doorway of the bathroom.

“You look like you’re enjoying your punishment far too much.”

“Ebar—”

“What is this supposed to be?” he yelled.

I swallowed hard, the blade shaking in my hand, nearly biting into my skin. “A reminder.”

“A reminder of what?”

“Of how to behave.”

“And?”

“To always follow the rules.”

“And what did you do wrong today?”

My chin quivered as I looked into his disappointed eyes. I hated when I let him down. “I allowed another man into my home.”

He took a step forward, placing his fingers under my chin. “Not just in your home. He came into your room. Into our room. No man should ever enter our space.”

“I know.”

“Then why did you let him in here?”

I swallowed hard with every step he took. The blade sliced into my hand, but I hardly felt a thing. I knew I had let him down. I never should have invited Carli over here.

“There’s no excuse.”

I gave a tight nod.

“And this,” he pointed to my thigh. “This is for your own pleasure. Put the blade down.”

I did as he said.

“When I said you were supposed to punish yourself, what did I mean?”

I looked past him to the room. I knew what he wanted. He had me do it before, so why did I blatantly ignore his desires?

“Pull up your pants and get it.”

Tears blurred my vision as I bent over and did as he asked. The fabric tore at the cuts on my thigh, but it was nothing compared to the pain I was about to experience. I just had to be brave. The more I cried, the longer I had to go.

“Don’t test me, Isabelle. You know what you have to do. Delaying will only make me angry,” he bit out.

Blinking back the tears, I looked into his eyes as I walked past him. I saw the regret in his eyes, the pain that he needed to do this. He loved me so much, and he hated that these lessons were necessary. But to keep me safe, he did what he had to do. It was my fault. I screwed up. I should have known better.

I walked over to the desk and grabbed the metal ruler in my right hand. I slid the rings from my fingers and placed them on the table. Nausea swirled in my stomach as I put my left hand on the desk. I could still remember the first time I had to do this.

“You never allow a guard to touch you. You should have told me immediately.”

“I’m so sorry, Ebarardo,” I pleaded. “I didn’t want to get him in trouble.”

“He needs to know his place. Do you want him to take liberties with you?”

I shook my head wildly.

“These guards are not your friends. Never mistake their smiles for anything other than a desire to get in your pants.”

I nodded quickly, hoping that was the end of it. “I’m so sorry. It will never happen again.”

“I know it won’t because you’re going to make sure of it.”

I backed up a step, terrified of what he meant. “H—how?”

His lips twisted in a smile. “Take out the ruler, Isabelle.”

“I don’t have all day.”

I sucked in a breath, jerking back to the present. If I took too long, it would only be worse. My whole body trembled as I placed the ruler over my knuckles. Closing my eyes, I lifted the ruler in the air and swung with all my might. The crack of the ruler against my skin elicited the smallest whimper from me, but somehow, I held back the scream that was lodged in my throat.

I tore my eyes open, swallowing the need to vomit as I stared at the angry red mark on my hand. The first time was always the worst.

“Keep going,” he commanded.

I lifted the ruler and zoned out. I could feel each hit of the ruler. I knew my hand was bruising. I saw the cuts and the blood leaking over my knuckles. It would be swollen for a while, but Ebarardo would be satisfied. Over and over, I struck my hand, reminding myself why this was happening.

Men are not allowed in the house.

Men are not allowed anywhere near my room.

I belong to Ebarardo.

No one else will ever touch me.

You will not look at another man ever again.