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23

IZZY

I flung the door open after five days of being locked up at the compound. I thought for sure it would be Kavanaugh again, showing up to pull me out of the house for another walk, but to my surprise, it was Jason.

He’d finally returned.

“You’re back,” I said breathlessly.

“I told you I would be,” he answered with a hint of a smile on his face. I found myself staring into his eyes a little longer than necessary, studying the tiny flecks of black that swam in his chocolate eyes.

“Daddy, ask her!”

I pulled my gaze from his, giving my full attention to his daughter. “Hey, Carli. How are you?”

She sighed heavily, crossing her arms over her chest. “Daddy said he would take me for ice cream if you came.”

“He did, huh?”

“Will you come? Please?” she asked, her little lashes fluttering as she pouted, looking at me like a lost puppy. She was a miniature version of her dad in every way.

“Well, I don’t think I can say no,” I answered thoughtfully. “I don’t think I’ve had ice cream in…” My smile slipped from my face as I thought about the last time I had any dessert. It had been before I’d been taken, but I didn’t want to think about that right now. Swallowing down the heartache, I plastered a smile on my face. “That sounds great.”

“Really?” I nodded in reply, and she spun around, jumping up and down as she faced her dad. “Daddy, she said yes! She said yes!”

He chuckled, hoisting her up in his arms. “I heard. You don’t have to yell.”

“Sorry.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, something I noticed she did a lot, then rested her head on his shoulder.

“I’ll grab my purse.”

I headed upstairs and slid my purse off the chair of my vanity, then slipped on my shoes. I turned quickly to face the mirror and checked my hair, taking a minute to collect myself. It wasn’t that I was nervous about going out. I had mostly gotten past leaving the property since I’d come back from the hospital. But I was going with Jason, and I couldn’t help but stare at his gorgeous face every time I saw him. Ever since Vira said those things to me, I just couldn’t get it out of my head.

I felt so foolish. In so many ways, I felt like I was a college girl all over again, fawning over a crush. I might have been married for thirteen years, but dating, or even being interested in a guy, was something I didn’t have much experience with. Sadly, I didn’t know how to handle the feelings that were beginning to develop or how to understand if they were even real. I’d been stuck on that damn island for so long that I couldn’t trust anything right now.

“Pull it together, Izzy. It’s just ice cream,” I whispered.

Gathering my courage, I headed downstairs and smiled at Carli, doing my best not to look at Jason so he wouldn’t see the blush threatening to creep across my face.

“Ready?”

Izzy screeched and ran out the door, leaving me behind with her dad. I barely knew what to say most of the time when I saw him. And since the last time he was around, I lost my shit and accused him of being like Zavala, it felt even more awkward.

“I want to?—”

“How was your?—”

We both laughed as we tried to talk at the same time. “You first,” he said, waiting for me to continue.

“I was going to say, I want to apologize again for what I said last time I saw you.”

“It’s forgotten,”

“Not by me. I know you’re not like him, and accusing you of—” I took a deep breath and pushed away the anger and sadness that threatened to take over. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know.”

“Like I said, it’s already forgotten.”

“So, where are we going for ice cream?”

He walked around to the passenger side of the truck and held the door open for Carli, helping her into the back seat, then made sure she was buckled tightly. “There’s a shop in town.”

“Oh. I didn’t know.”

Of course, that tended to happen when a person didn’t leave the property very often.

“Carli has become addicted since we first tried it,” he answered, holding my door open as I hauled myself up. The truck was so high, but I didn’t mind so much. It was a ride.

When he got in and drove forward, I flinched as he turned, relieved when he didn’t hit the house.

“What was that?” he asked, a hint of laughter in his voice.

“Nothing. I— The truck is so big. How did you know you weren’t going to hit the house?”

“Because I’ve driven it for so long, I know how it handles.”

I huffed in annoyance. “I can hardly see over the hood. It’s humongous. If I ever get a car, it’s going to be something small.”

He glanced over at me, eyeing me carefully. “Is that something you want?”

“A car?”

He nodded.

“I don’t know. I guess this is the first time I’ve thought about it. I don’t even have a license. I can’t even remember the rules of the road.”

“It’s not that hard. I could get you a pamphlet to study.”

“What’s wrong? You don’t like driving me around?” I asked, smiling over at him. It was meant as a joke, but when he looked at me, there was something intense about his gaze that immediately had me looking away.

Clearing my throat, I turned in my seat and smiled at Carli. “So, what kind of ice cream are you going to get?”

“Chocolate! I love chocolate. It’s the best! What are you going to get?”

“I really don’t know. Maybe I’ll try some of everything.”

Her eyes widened in shock. “You can do that?”

I shrugged, not sure if they had a way to do that or not. “I have no idea, but it would certainly help.”

“Daddy, can we do that, too?”

“How about we just stick with one flavor tonight,” he answered, shooting me a look. “Thanks for that.”

“Uh…sorry.”

“If I end up buying every flavor, you’re going to be responsible for putting her to bed tonight.”

That did not sound like fun. This was the most I’d ever really interacted with Carli. I had a few moments off and on, and she was always a nice child, but I knew nothing about taking care of kids. And I knew for a fact that I never wanted to have any of my own. Not after what happened.

“So, what did you do while I was gone?”

“Not much.” I had been bored out of my mind. After shopping almost every day for two weeks straight, it was strange to sit around the house, unable to leave even if I wanted to. “Kavanaugh came by almost every day and dragged me out of the house.”

“Yeah? Why’s that?”

I shrugged. “It started when he was stuck around OPS. I was out on the porch and he stopped by. It just turned into walking.”

I didn’t want to admit how much he had helped me back then. Getting me out of my comfort zone had been a huge feat.

“Did everything go okay on your job?”

He glanced in the rearview mirror at his daughter, his face turning stony. I had the feeling I had overstepped somehow. “It was fine.”

I was quiet the rest of the way into town. I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t want to open my mouth again and ruin the night with stupid questions. However, Carli sat in the back and filled the silence by talking about her favorite flavors of ice cream, ranging from the absolute best to the yuckiest, as she put it.

When we pulled up to the curb, I was about to get out when I remembered Jason’s words before we left about someone trying to kill anyone relating to OPS, and I froze. It hadn’t seemed like that big of a deal before, but that was when we were on the property. Now, we were in town—away from the gates and the security. I rubbed my sweaty hands on my pants, trying to force myself to calm down, but everywhere I looked, it was like someone was watching me.

Then the door was jerked open and Jason was standing there with Carli in his arms. He held out his hand, nodding slightly to me. “It’s okay.”

It’s okay. He wouldn’t let anything happen to you. Besides, his daughter is with him. He wouldn’t bring her out if he thought there was someone around.

Slowly, I put my hand in his and slid out of the truck. My eyes immediately locked on his, knowing that as long as I could see them, I would be okay. I didn’t know why, but they steadied me.

The door shut and I took a long breath, steeling myself. I could do this. It was just ice cream. There was no one out there. Jason would keep me safe.

“Ready?” he asked quietly.

I nodded and walked with him down the sidewalk to the little ice cream shop. There were two windows outside for ordering and pickup, with a large board between them listing the menu. The sheer amount of options was overwhelming. Half of them, I didn’t even recognize. I vaguely remembered trying a blizzard once, but I mostly stuck with cones.

“Which one are you gonna get?” Carli asked.

“I—” I stared at the board, trying to decide, but there were just too many items listed. My heart started racing at the endless possibilities. Everything was available in multiple flavors, sizes, and types of cones. Not to mention cups versus bowls.

I stepped back, feeling like the world was closing in on me. I rubbed my hands on my jeans over and over again, but nothing would stop the itch that was building. Then I felt a hand on my lower back, steadying me when I felt like I would fall over.

“Three chocolate cones,” Jason said, taking over, ordering for all of us.

I zoned out as he finished the order. I didn’t hear what size they were or how much they cost. I concentrated on slowing my breathing so I didn’t freak out his daughter. I glanced up for just a moment, and immediately ducked my head. She was staring at me, her eyes pulled down in concern.

“Daddy, what’s wrong with Izzy?”

“Nothing, baby.”

“She looks sad.”

I still couldn’t look up. God, even a four-year-old could tell there was something wrong with me.

“Does she? Hmm. Maybe she needs a hug. What do you think?”

“I think she does,” she whispered.

“Okay, but you have to ask her first. We never just hug people without asking first.”

“I hug you all the time.”

“That’s different. I’m your daddy. Some people might not be comfortable with hugs.”

God, I wanted to flee. He was having a conversation with his daughter about me as if I wasn’t even there. It was so mortifying. And all over a stupid menu. I couldn’t decide what I wanted, so I freaked out. Who did that?

That’s right. I did that. Mentally unstable lunatics like myself who were fucked up because they were held captive for thirteen years, that’s who. God, I was so pathetic.

Carli tugged on my sleeve, drawing my attention from my self-deprecating thoughts. “Do you want a hug? You look sad and I’m really good at hugging.”

I forced a smile and shook my head. “No, that’s okay.”

She pursed her lips, looking quite put off that I said no. “Sometimes I get sad when I think about my momma. Is that why you’re sad?”

I only wished it was something like that. “No,” I answered softly.

“Hmm. I still think a hug would help.”

“Carli,” Jason admonished.

But her little face pursed up in confusion made me smile when, just a minute ago, I wanted to flee. “Maybe I do need that hug.”

She leapt out of Jason’s arms and flew into mine so fast that I barely had time to catch her. I wasn’t exactly sure how to hold her, but she seemed to know what she was doing, wrapping her legs around my waist as she flung her arms around my neck and held on tight.

At first, I wondered how long the hug was going to last. I smiled at Jason reassuringly as he was called up to get the order. But then she squeezed me tighter and whispered, “I get sad a lot, too.”

My chest squeezed at her admission and I closed my eyes, holding on tighter with every second that passed. I had no idea that a child’s hug could make me feel so much better, but as she held me outside the shop, I found her innocence reminding me that sometimes the simplest solution was all that was needed.

When she pulled back, I had tears in my eyes and quickly blinked them back, but she saw.

“Did I do it wrong?”

“No,” I chuckled. “No, you were perfect.”

“Oh. That’s good because Daddy says sometimes I hold him too tight.”

I doubted he really felt that way, and as I looked at him, he was staring at his daughter with the most loving expression I’d ever seen.

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

Jason walked closer, smiling at his little girl. “Here’s your ice cream, baby girl.”

I set her down and took mine from him, knowing I couldn’t hold her and my ice cream at the same time. I wasn’t practiced in the art of balancing children and other objects, sticky or solid.

“Let’s sit down over there,” Jason motioned to a set of benches. There was a playground nearby that Carli could play at when she was done, and I found that as I walked over with him, the anxiety I felt earlier was slowly slipping away.

Jason and Carli quickly dug in, eating before the ice cream could melt, but I stared at the cone, overcome with insane emotion. I hadn’t had ice cream—or any other dessert since before I was taken. And I was so used to it not being a part of my diet that I hadn’t even considered eating it before Carli asked me to go with.

“What’s wrong?” Jason asked quietly.

I huffed out a small laugh, glancing over at him. “It’s so silly. I can’t even remember what it tastes like.”

My breath caught in my chest when I felt his hand clasp mine. He gave me a squeeze of encouragement that I didn’t know I needed. If anyone else saw me freaking out over an ice cream cone, they’d think I was absolutely ridiculous. But with him beside me, all those feelings just vanished. I was just a girl sitting on a bench, trying ice cream for the first time in fourteen years.