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26

JASON

After dropping Carli off with Tahlia, I headed into OPS for a proper training session. The urge to kill someone was growing stronger by the minute, and unfortunately, the man I wanted to kill was already dead.

I didn’t waste a minute wrapping my knuckles or stretching. I was ready to go, teeming with energy that needed to be expelled as quickly as possible before I fucking exploded. I hit the bag for a good twenty minutes before I realized I had an audience.

“Is there something you need?” I asked Johnny as I stopped the bag from swinging.

“Just wondering when I get to take my turn.”

“You’re gonna have to wait,” I growled, still fucking pissed as hell.

“Not with the bag, asshole.”

I spun, watching as he stripped out of his pants and shirt, standing there in nothing but his boxers. He dropped his hat to the ground and climbed into the ring, holding the ropes open for me.

“Get your ass in here. I don’t have all day to wait for your pussy ass,” he grumbled.

I was in the ring seconds later, swinging hard at his face. The first time my fist connected with bone, I felt the first pangs of relief. I danced around the ring, keeping on my toes as he stalked toward me, his eyes dark and brooking no mercy. Thank fuck, because I wasn’t in the mood to play.

He came at me hard, faking right and landing an uppercut to my jaw. I retaliated immediately, slamming my fist into his side before he dropped his elbows, nearly breaking my fucking hand. I let out a growl as I switched it up, slamming my fist into his face hard enough to make him stumble back a step.

I shook out my arms as I let the anger work through me. Fuck, that didn’t even touch the tip of the rage burning inside me.

“That all you got?” he taunted. “Fucking pussy hit. My mother hits harder than that.”

Normally, I might make some comment about having his mother under me last night just to rile him up, but the minute I thought it, I shut it down. All I could see were the tears in Izzy’s eyes as she fucking broke down in front of me, screaming from the nightmare that tormented her. Or the way she looked when she admitted that she hadn’t felt a man’s touch in over fourteen fucking years that she actually wanted.

After that, I blanked out, letting the rage consume me as I went on the attack. I didn’t know how long I sparred with him, but I didn’t stop until I was fucking exhausted and blood dripped from a cut above my eye. I spit blood onto the mat from the last hit I took. Bending over, I rested my arms on my thighs and cringed at the ache in my ribs. That fucker went at me hard. I probably had a few bruised ribs.

“You wanna tell me what that was about?” Johnny asked, stretching his body as he hopped down from the ring.

I collapsed on the mat, then rolled under the bottom rope. Fuck, my body was sore and worn out. “Just needed to work shit out.”

“Right,” he huffed, yanking his pants on. He needed a fucking shower, but Johnny didn’t care about that shit.

I strode over to the bench and took a seat, nodding in gratitude when he handed me a water from his bag. I chugged the whole thing, only slightly quenching my thirst. What I really fucking needed was a drink, but with a kid at home and a woman who needed me sober, that wasn’t about to happen.

Johnny slumped beside me, staring across the gym as he waited for me to open my mouth. “You could just open your fucking mouth and make this easier on both of us.”

It took a minute, but I finally gave in. “Izzy’s mine.”

I didn’t need to look at him to feel the gaze he levelled at me. “Does she know that?”

“After this morning? Yes.”

“What happened this morning? Or do I not want to know?”

I wasn’t about to tell him how I lost my mind and started groping her, or how I made her come just by running my fingers over her body. That was for the two of us. That sated look on her face was reserved for me, and whatever happened between us was no one else’s goddamn business.

“All you need to know is that she’s mine and no one else is allowed near her.”

My fists clenched at the chuckle that left his lips. I didn’t mock him when he fell for Tahlia. Hell, I was right beside him the whole fucking time, ready to take on the whole goddamn world for him and his woman.

“Relax,” he muttered. “I’m not laughing at you. Just took you long enough.”

“To what?”

He shrugged. “Figure shit out. Never thought it would be with Izzy. She’s a little fucked up?—”

His words were drowned out by the roaring in my head. The overwhelming need to defend Izzy surged through me, and I didn’t even realize what was happening until I was being pulled off him and dragged away by my fucking scalp.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jack hissed. His arm was wrapped around my neck in a chokehold that I knew I could break if I tried, but I was so focused on murdering Johnny with my bare hands that it didn’t occur to me to defend myself.

My eye twitched uncontrollably as red coated my vision. The only thing I could think about was taking out the fucker for daring to call Izzy fucked up. She was damaged, yes, but she was not fucked up.

“Calm the fuck down,” Jack hissed. “Whatever’s going on, you need to clear your head.”

Wasn’t that what I had come here to do? Johnny stood in front of me, wiping the blood from his face. I hadn’t even realized I’d swung at him. Everything had gone black the moment those words left his lips.

“You want to tell us what the fuck is happening?”

I was keyed up, ready to swing at the next person who walked in the room, but Jack was right. I needed to stop fucking with everyone and just figured out how to move forward. I jerked his arms off me and forced myself to calm down.

“Some shit happened with Izzy,” I told them, not saying more.

“Okay,” Jack hedged. “Good things or bad things?”

“Fucking both,” I grumbled. “I shouldn’t have let things get that far.”

Jack watched me warily and Johnny moved in closer. “What the fuck did you do?”

“Nothing,” I spat, pissed they would even think I had it in me to hurt a woman. I sighed, shoving my hand through my sweat-soaked hair. “I woke up with my hands on her, and it was good. I mean, she wasn’t flipping out or anything.”

I saw Jack’s eyes narrow at me. He wasn’t buying it.

“I swear to God. It probably shouldn’t have happened. She’s not ready for that shit.”

“How far did it go?” Johnny asked.

“All I did was touch her,” I snapped, glaring at my friend. “Nothing more.”

“That’s vague as fuck,” Jack muttered.

“You don’t need to fucking worry about that. The problem is that when I was talking to her, she fucking admitted to me that?—”

I had to cut myself off. I was so fucking pissed, and I hated that I was revealing her secrets. Not that they really were secrets. Hell, everyone around here knew what had happened, but this was an intimate moment between the two of us. But I couldn’t keep this inside. It was fucking shredding my soul.

“She hasn’t had sex willingly since before Zavala took her.”

They exchanged a look, clearly not understanding what I was getting at.

“I knew it. Hell, you knew it! But to have her sit there all fucking vulnerable, and tell me shit like that…Do you know how much I want to fucking kill that asshole? I had to sit by and listen last night as he fucking tormented her in her dreams. I couldn’t even fucking wake her up. She was so fucking lost. That asshole has torn her to pieces and I don’t know if she’ll ever get over that,” I yelled.

“And you’re telling us she’s yours?” Johnny asked incredulously.

I advanced on him, but Jack stepped in front of me, pushing me back from beating his ass. “Watch it.”

“Look, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be with her. I’m fucking asking if you can handle that,” Johnny rephrased. “Because there’s a lot of shit to unpack in that woman, and she might never be ready for what you have to give her. You have a daughter to think about. That little girl is counting on you. She’s all you have, and if you’re too wrapped up in trying to heal a broken woman, you might miss out on something with Carli.”

I knew he had a point, but that didn’t make me any less pissed that he would say that shit. “You think I don’t know that? Fuck!” I shouted, spinning away from them. I paced back and forth, trying to rein in my anger. I was fucking out of control, but I couldn’t stop it. The devastation on her face when she thought I didn’t want her just killed me. But that wasn’t the biggest problem I had.

“Jason, talk to us,” Jack snapped when I got lost in my head. “Tell us what the fuck you need.”

I laughed at the absurdity of it all. “What I need? A fucking time machine would be nice. How about a way to make it so she’s not afraid of me?”

Johnny winced.

“Yeah,” I chuckled. “One minute, she’s fine with me, and the next, she’s fucking scared of me.”

“She hasn’t known you that long,” Jack reminded me. “You have to give her time. It wasn’t that long ago she still thought she was in love with that bastard.”

“I know, but?—”

“You can’t make it all go away,” Jack sighed. “She has to do that for herself.”

“She is,” I argued.

“Then you need to give it time to work. She’s not one of your one-night stands you can bend over and fuck in the ass,” Jack said. “Everything you know is fucking wrong. There’s not a single thing about how you live your life that will make her feel safe.”

“Except for the fact that you can protect her,” Johnny grunted.

“I know all that,” I admitted. “I know exactly how I need to handle things. I’m not gonna maul her.”

“Sounds like you already did,” Johnny muttered.

“She wanted it,” I snapped.

“And how many fucking times do you think she’s told herself that to make it through the day?” Jack asked. “Be fucking sure about this, because if you’re not, you’re gonna do more harm than good. If she doesn’t trust you one hundred percent, you don’t lay a fucking finger on her. It’s not worth the risk of breaking her.”

His words rang true no matter how much I didn’t want to hear them. I knew this morning that I’d gone too far. Yeah, she liked it, but I was too aggressive. Things never should have proceeded like that.

“Get your head on straight,” Jack snapped, “and don’t go near her until you know you can handle your shit. Otherwise, you’ll have me to deal with.”

I nodded as he strode past me, ramming his shoulder into me on the way. I knew he wasn’t actually pissed at me. It was the whole fucking situation. Izzy was a special case, and we were tasked with looking after her. Hell, she was already family just because of her connection to Rafe. We had unknowingly been fighting to get her back for years. If only Rafe had clued us in. Maybe we could have gotten to her sooner.

Not that it would have prevented the worst of the damage, or the loss of her baby. That was probably doomed to happen no matter what.

Johnny jerked his chin at me. “You okay now?”

“Yeah.”

Clasping me on the shoulder, he forced me to look at him. “I’m here if you need to let out your anger.”

I nodded, appreciating the gesture.

“A little warning next time. It’s fucking wrong to fight another man in your boxers.”

* * *

Lock stormed through the silo, his face pinched in anger. I had no fucking clue what was going on, but by the slight nod he shot me, I had the feeling I wasn’t going to like it either. I turned on my heel and followed him into the conference room where he immediately pulled the shade and flicked on the privacy switch.

“What’s going on?”

He paced the room for a moment before stopping and turning to face me. “Michael’s here.”

I stilled at that. Fuck, if he was here, that meant?—

“He brought Claire with him. We already knew he was planning that, but we haven’t gotten any information from Cash and Knight yet. We have no fucking clue which side Michael is on.”

“I’ll go. He’s not getting on this fucking property.”

His eyes flashed to mine before he gave a curt nod. “I appreciate that. I think if I laid eyes on him, I might fucking shoot him.”

For what he was doing to Cash. He didn’t have to say the words for me to know exactly what the fuck he was so pissed about. Michael—Shadow—was possibly playing both sides, and if that was the case, that meant Cash was at great risk. Fuck, he’d probably already done a few things he couldn’t take back.

“Where are we keeping Claire?”

“She can stay with Izzy?—”

“Absolutely not,” I snapped. “Izzy’s just getting her feet under her. There’s no way in hell I’m letting her mom come in and push any shit on her.”

“Claire was all for Izzy getting help,” he reminded me.

“She was, but Claire might also bring up shit that Izzy’s trying to leave behind. Until we know how the fuck Claire is going to be, she’s not getting anywhere near Izzy.”

“Do you still think Claire might have been working with Michael?”

Shaking my head, I thought back over our conversation with Cash. “It’s impossible to say. I fucking hate the idea that Claire would willingly let her daughter stay on that island with that fucking monster, but we didn’t think Shadow was capable of it either.”

“We still don’t have proof he was involved.”

“That’s the name the senator gave with his dying breath.”

He nodded, eyeing me curiously. “Kavanaugh seems to think it wasn’t Shadow.”

“He’s also fucked up over his old man being shot in front of him. He’s not thinking clearly.” We were going around and around in circles. We had proof of nothing, and until we could get some evidence, we were left scrambling.

“Stick Claire in the main house,” Lock relented. “She’ll have some privacy, but we can keep an eye on her.”

I nodded and headed for the door, jerking it open just as he hit the privacy locks again. Heading to the elevators, I took it to the main floor, then stepped out, regarding Michael with disdain. Claire appeared agitated, but otherwise fine. As soon as she saw me, she rushed over.

“I want to see my daughter.”

“Not gonna happen. Not yet,” I rumbled. She’d spoken less than ten words and I already wanted to get rid of her.

“I haven’t seen my daughter in months! Take her to me now.”

My eyes flicked to Michael, who looked like he would put a bullet in me if I didn’t comply. But I had never been one to be cowed by another man. “Like I said, that’s not gonna happen. A lot of shit has gone down since you last saw her, and until I know you’re not gonna screw up the progress she’s made, you’re not getting anywhere near her.”

Michael shoved past her, getting in my face. “You may have been on Rafe’s payroll and been his guy, but that’s not how I operate.”

I let out a mirthless chuckle at that. “Oh, trust me. I know how you operate. Always out for yourself. Always trying to play one side against the other. Where the hell do you think Rafe learned it from?”

He grabbed me by the shirt, but I slammed my fist down on his wrist, breaking his contact.

“Don’t you ever put your hands on me again,” I snapped. “I am taking care of Izzy, and that’s gonna have to be good enough until I know for certain that you’re not gonna fuck her up,” I seethed.

“I would never fucking hurt my daughter,” Michael growled. “She means the fucking world to me.”

“Yet, she was on that island for thirteen fucking years. Tell me, how does a man like you with all those connections, leave his vulnerable daughter in the hands of a monster?”

His eyes flashed hard as he took a step back. He wasn’t backing down. He was fucking pissed as hell, and he was trying to rein it in. His hand slipped around Claire’s and he pulled her behind him.

“Enough!” Claire snapped, stepping around Michael. She took a steely breath and faced me head on. “While I don’t appreciate the accusation in your tone, I also believe that you want what’s best for my daughter. As much as I would like to see her right now, if you think she’s making progress and needs…space, then I can give it.”

I wasn’t expecting her to give in so easily, but I saw the fear in her eyes, the resignation that Izzy might not be ready anytime soon for Claire’s company.

“I’ll talk to her,” I conceded. “When she’s ready, she’ll come to you.”

Her hand lashed out, gripping onto my forearm. For a second, I saw a flash of Izzy in her and the barriers around my heart crumbled just a little. The years of worry and fear were evident.