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21

IZZY

In the two weeks since Jason took me to get the living room furniture, Vira and Eva had ventured out with me day after day to fill the rest of the house with anything I could possibly need. As much as I hated spending a dime of Zavala’s tainted money, I started to look at the account as something I had earned after years of abuse. Once I settled my mind around that, it made the whole shopping experience easier.

“Please tell me that lamp is staying up here,” Vira said, leaning in the doorway of my bedroom.

I glanced in the corner at my floor lamp, smiling at the bright colors. The base was with bulbs of blown glass in gold and purple, and the shade had a large leaf design with teal, gold, and purple embroidery. It wasn’t everyone’s taste, but I loved it. It was so unique. I’d never seen anything like it before.

“It’s staying right here with me,” I grinned. “Why? You don’t like it?”

“It’s a little too…whimsical for my tastes,” she said, walking in and sitting down on my bed.

“Well, you don’t have to like it. I absolutely love it.”

She shrugged, laying down on my bed. “You know, with a king-size bed, this is plenty big for two people.”

“Yes, me and when I want to roll around.”

“You must get lonely.” She sighed heavily. “Look, I’m not saying I’m bisexual, but for this bed, I could make an exception.”

She wiggled around, getting comfortable. I tossed the remote at her, letting her play with the settings. I was tempted to buy her a bed of her own just to see the look of contentment on her face all the time. But I knew she would never accept it. As much as she teased me, she wouldn’t actually take my money.

“Try the zero G position. It’s so comfortable.”

The bed shifted into position and she snuggled in further to the bed, sighing happily. “Now, this is the life. I could definitely get used to this.”

“For only the hefty price tag of eight thousand dollars,” I chuckled.

“Yeah, I’m not willing to spend that much on a bed.”

“I never thought I would either, but here I am, tossing around money left and right.” The smile on my face hid the devastation I still felt deep inside. With every day that passed, I felt Zavala’s betrayal cut deeper into my soul. I thought I had already lived through the worst of it, but I found that surviving it was just as difficult as being in the middle of it.

The memories were haunting, reminding me that I would always have mental scars. Would I ever be able to move on and be truly happy? Even with all these things surrounding me, I was still barely living—which was exactly what I intended to discuss with my therapist tomorrow.

I stood from my new vanity, walking over to the bed to lay down beside Vira. The bed really was super comfortable. For just a moment, I pretended I was anyone else.

“If you could have a redo, what would you do?” I asked Vira.

“Not much point in thinking about it,” she said, her eyes closed as she enjoyed the bed.

“But haven’t you ever looked back on your life and wondered what if?”

“No, because all the other options of my life would have ended with me hating my life.”

“But you’re in hiding.”

“Yes, but for a long time, I was free to live my own life. I escaped my father and his expectations. He wanted me to marry this guy who would have made my life miserable. If things had worked out differently, I probably would have?—”

She stopped abruptly and I knew why. She didn’t need to tell me. I’d been there for too long.

“I would never have gone to that club,” I said, turning back to face the ceiling. “Then none of this would have happened. I would probably be married and have kids. I’d have a job I loved.”

“Not necessarily,” she grunted.

“Why do you say that?”

“Just because you could go back and change the way things played out doesn’t mean you would have had a better life. There are no guarantees. Maybe you would have married someone and been miserable. Or what if you struggled for years to have kids, only to find out it would never happen?”

“I doubt any of that would measure up to what I lived through on the island,” I muttered.

“Maybe not, but the point is, happiness isn’t a guarantee. And you don’t know how your life will turn out.”

I laughed at that. “Who would possibly want me? I ended up in the looney bin.”

“You really have to stop that,” she sighed.

“What? Joking with myself? If I don’t laugh about it?—”

“I know. You’ll cry. But by joking about it, don’t you feel you’re taking away the gravity of what you went through?”

More suffering. That’s what everything was. Abuse on the island. Mentally tortured when I escaped. It would never leave me.

“Hey, I see what you’re thinking. But you don’t realize how strong you are.”

That made me laugh also. “If I was strong, I would have escaped like you did.”

“Escaping an island is a little different than running away to a different state. Besides, I told you what I would have ended up doing.”

I rolled to face her again, ashamed to admit to her what had been bothering me since I landed in the hospital. I hadn’t said the words out loud, or even allowed my thoughts to really form, but it twisted me up inside.

“I wasn’t brave enough to do it.”

“Do what?”

“End it,” I admitted, dropping my eyes. “I—I thought about it. There were so many times that I wanted to find a way to make it all disappear, but I never worked up the courage.”

“And you think that makes you weak?”

I nodded. “It does. I could have saved myself years of abuse. I wouldn’t be terrified to sleep at night. Look at what he’s done to me.”

She smiled at me, which completely confused me. “Look at what he didn’t take from you. Taking your life would have been the easy way out. Living through that hell was what made you strong. It’s inside you. You just have to find it.”

“And do what with it?” I sighed, staring up at the ceiling. “The problem is, I don’t feel like I’ll ever be normal again.”

“Who wants to be normal, anyway?”

“Me,” I whispered. “I would give anything to be normal.”

* * *

“Jason,” I smiled, surprised to find him on my doorstep. “What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?”

I stepped aside, but as I did, his arm brushed against me, reminding me of the things Vira had said to me the last time we’d gone shopping with him. I shook off those thoughts and followed him into the living room, standing there awkwardly as I waited for him to tell me why he came.

“I’m going to be out of town for a few days, at least.”

“Okay,” I nodded, unsure why he was telling me this. “Where are you going?”

“It’s work related.”

I nodded again. Shifting, I tried to figure out what the point of him coming here was. I knew he wanted to look out for me, but that didn’t mean he needed to show up to let me know his itinerary.

“Listen, I have a favor to ask, and I know you’re not going to like it.”

I instantly froze up, wondering what could be so horrible. “Nothing good ever comes after someone says something like that.”

Walking over to the couch, I took a seat, curling in on myself. My mind was already whirling with possibilities. What could he possibly need from me? If he was looking for information on Zavala, I had nothing.

“Listen, I don’t know anything about Zavala’s contacts. I wasn’t informed on his business in any way, so if that’s what you’re after?—”

“It’s not,” he interrupted me. “This has nothing to do with Zavala.” Then his eyes clouded over. “Well, I guess it does in a roundabout way.”

I stiffened at the implication. “I don’t want anything to do with it.”

“Good. Then this should be easy.”

Confused, I cocked my head at him.

“I want you to stay on the property until I get back from my trip.”

You will never leave this island.

Dread filled me and the walls felt like they were closing in. I had voluntarily stayed in my house many times, but that was my choice. This…being told to stay at OPS—that was totally different.

“That’s impossible,” I choked out, getting up to pace away from Jason.

“It’s only for a few days.”

Barking out a laugh, I spun on him. “Only a few days? And what about next time? Will it be only two weeks? Or how about two months? How long until it’s for an entire year?”

“It would never come to that.”

“That’s what you would have me believe,” I said, panic lacing every word. “But you want to control me just like he did!”

“No!” Jason snapped, surging forward. His hands clasped onto my arms, holding me tight but gently. “Izzy, I would never try to control you. I need you to believe me.”

“I hardly know you. Why would I believe you?” I asked, jerking my arms out of his grasp.

“Because I told you I wanted to earn your trust. If I was lying about that, would I really be here asking you to stay on the property?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his ridiculous attempt at placating me. “Do you really think that you can manipulate words to make me stay on your side? You’re trying to trick me.”

“I would never do that,” he said sincerely. “Can we sit down and talk about this?”

The earnestness in his eyes almost had me giving in. I remembered the way he was with me, how he helped me out when I hurt myself, and after, when he drove me to the furniture store. There was nothing about him so far that told me he was like Zavala, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t hiding it from me. I would be a fool to ever trust a man again, even if he said and did all the right things.

“Just give me two minutes. That’s all I’m asking, Izzy.”

Despite my head telling me not to trust him, the honesty in his voice made my feet move to the couch. The thought of being trapped here made my skin crawl, but giving him a few minutes to explain himself wouldn’t kill me.

“Thank you,” he said, taking a seat beside me. “I wouldn’t ask you to stay here unless I thought it was important.”

“I have an appointment,” I said immediately.

He nodded. “With your therapist. I know.”

I stilled at his words. “What do you mean, you know?”

“I know your schedule,” he answered carefully. “I talked to Eva.”

He knew my schedule. He talked to Eva. Why was this man taking such an interest in my life? Why was he going to such extremes to know so much about me? Nothing about this sat right with me.

“What right did you have to discuss anything about me with Eva?”

“Izzy—”

“No,” I said, getting to my feet. I could already see where this was going. “I’m not going to listen to whatever you have to say. You’re talking to my sister-in-law about me? Why would you do that? That’s…”

“It’s not what you think!” he said, getting to his feet. He tried to come after me, but I instantly put a chair between me and him.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” I whispered. “I thought you wanted to get to know me, but you’re just like him.”

He stiffened at my words, his muscles tightening as he clenched his fists. Anxiety spiked inside me as anger washed over his face. I had poked the bear, but I didn’t regret it. I had to stand up for myself. No matter how this turned out, I had to know that I would not fall under another man’s control.

“Carli’s mother is dead.” His words were flat, but his face was filled with emotion. I didn’t know what he was getting at. I already knew Carli had come to live with him after something happened to her mother.

“I figured.”

“What you don’t know is that she was murdered by men who are connected to Zavala.” He thrust his hand through his hair, letting out a heavy sigh. “I hadn’t spoken to her in five years. I didn’t even know about Carli. It was just a coincidence that I even made it there when I did, but I was too late.”

I sank down in the chair I had just been hiding behind. “You said the men were connected to Zavala?”

He nodded. “I don’t know how much you know about your husband, but he was part of an organization called The Syndicate.”

I shook my head, letting him know I didn’t know any of that. Maybe someone had told me when I escaped the island, but a lot of that time was a blur to me now.

“They were a powerful crime organization, but there was someone or a group of people working behind them, protecting them. We never found out who that was. That’s why Cash is gone.”

“He’s looking for them,” I whispered.

“He was there the night I showed up at Leah’s house.”

Leah had to be Carli’s mom. I studied him as he bowed his head, studying his clasped hands. I’d never seen Jason look so…lost before. Not that I knew him well, but in the few times I’d gotten to know him, he always seemed so strong.

“Whoever killed Leah is still out there. They’ve sent men after anyone involved with OPS. Your father took your mother and is in hiding. We’ve pulled others in, trying to keep them safe. But until we put an end to this, no one is safe, Izzy.”

No one is safe.

His words repeated in my head, echoing like a shot. Why had no one told me this? Were they just going to keep this from me for the rest of my life? My mother was in hiding and I didn’t even know if I could contact her. And?—

“Wait, I’ve been leaving the property.”

He nodded slowly. “We’ve had a team with you.” My hackles instantly rose, but he hurried on. “I know what that must feel like. I know what Zavala did, and I was trying to prevent that from ever happening again. I didn’t want you to feel like you were being watched all the time, but it was necessary.”

“Why are you telling me now?”

“I would think that’s pretty obvious.”

I shook my head, still trying to wrap my brain around everything he was telling me. I was sure there was a lot he wasn’t saying—that these were just the most important details.

“Izzy, I need you to trust me. No, I didn’t want to tell you any of this. I wanted to give you time and space to heal. I didn’t want you to have to worry about anything when you go out. I didn’t want you looking over your shoulder for a security detail. But I would rather have you know what’s going on than for you to ever think that I could be anything like him.”

My head jerked up at the fierceness in his voice. I had said that, hadn’t I? I had accused him of being like Zavala. Why? I knew he wasn’t. No, I hoped he wasn’t. There were too many conflicting emotions in my head right now for me to be certain of anything. I had spent too many years in the hands of a lunatic to put my faith in anyone.

But Zavala never would have given me any information like this. If he wanted to control me, he would have beaten me into submission. Yes, my instincts could still be off about Jason, but based on what he was telling me, I had to make a decision.

I could choose to put my trust in someone or I could spend the rest of my life always believing the worst in people.

“Izzy…”

“I believe you,” I whispered. I let my eyes slowly meet his, hoping I wasn’t making a mistake in all this. I wanted so desperately for this to be real, for my instincts to be right. Knight wouldn’t have left me with people he didn’t trust, right? “Thank you for telling me.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t sooner. I just…”

“I know.” I was a basket case. No one wanted to put any pressure on me, and that included him.

“I promise you, I will not be gone more than a few days.”

“And what happens then?”

“You’ll get to go out again.”

“With guards.”

“With a security detail,” he corrected. “We don’t have guards. There’s no one here to do anything other than keep you safe. And if you want, I’ll go with you.”

“You would?”

“Yes.”

“But…why?” I asked, still not sure why this man would give up his time to follow me around. He had a daughter to think about and probably a ton of other things to do. I was…nobody.

“Because I made a promise I would look after you.”

I ignored the way my chest pinched at his words. What right did I have to feel hurt over someone spending time with me because of a promise made to someone else?

“Right,” I nodded. “To Knight.”

“Izzy—”

I stood and smiled tightly at him. I needed him to leave before I made a fool of myself. I didn’t like Jason in a sexual way or even desire that, but knowing someone was only around me because of a promise just made me feel terrible.

“Thank you for explaining everything to me. And…I’m sorry for saying you were like him. I…I didn’t really mean it. I just don’t know who to trust anymore, and sometimes my head takes over.”

I started moving for the door before he could say anything else. I just wanted him gone. I needed to be alone and remember why it was best for me to take some time to myself. I was a mess, and clearly unable to handle even the simplest conversation without jumping to conclusions.

“I’ll call you when I’m back. We’ll plan to go out.”

“Of course,” I smiled. “I’ll see you then.”

The hesitation in his steps only killed me slower. I couldn’t wait to shut the door and forget any of this ever happened. And then he turned back to me, opening his mouth to say something. I felt panic claw at my throat. If he stayed, I might lose it and blurt out something equally as horrifying as saying he was just like Zavala. God only knows what that would be.

Thankfully, he closed his mouth and bounded down the steps. The moment he was off the porch, I shut the door and locked it, leaning heavily against it.

Vira peeked out from the top of the stairs, quirking an eyebrow at me. “Girl, you need a drink.”