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9

ISABELLE

I sat outside on the porch as Vira laughed inside with Patrick. He’d been staying over a lot, and while I didn’t discourage her relationship with him, I didn’t need to hear it every morning either. I took a sip of my coffee and pretended I didn’t hear the way she giggled. I already knew what was happening. He was kissing her neck. I recognized that particular laugh having seen it myself.

I remembered the way Ebarardo used to touch me. I never laughed. He never did things to elicit giggles from me. Everything with him was intense, and I liked it that way. Sometimes he would take his belt out and hit me with it when he was mad. I didn’t always like it, but I’d grown accustomed to his moods and understood that sometimes he needed a release. That was just what husbands and wives did for each other.

And then there were the times he took me to the basement and chained me to the wall. He would leave me there for hours, shivering in the cold while he took care of business. He said it was to build anticipation. I didn’t like it at first, but with every time he chained me up, I grew to appreciate what he was doing. The longer I was down there, the more I craved his touch. He once left me there for three days, only checking on me once a day. By the time he released me, I was so desperate for him that I would have given anything to be in his arms.

But nobody would understand that. I couldn’t tell Eva, let alone a therapist. They would never believe that I loved the way he touched me or that I craved the way he made me feel. Even when he hurt me, he cherished me afterward, worshiping my body as if I was a queen.

The door opened and Patrick stepped out, tugging his shirt over his head. Flushing, I turned away from his naked chest. Ebarardo would never allow me to see another man naked. In fact, if a guard ever walked around me in that state of undress, he would be shot on the spot. But here, that wasn’t an issue.

“I’ll see you later,” he said to Vira, giving her a peck on the lips.

I studiously ignored them, not bothering to look at Vira when she took the seat beside me as Patrick left.

“You know you don’t have to come outside just because I had company over. It’s your house, too.”

“I enjoy sitting on the porch.” It wasn’t a lie. It was about as far as I was willing to go without Bradford walking with me. Otherwise, I stayed in the cocoon of my house, knowing I was safe inside.

She sighed heavily, putting one foot up on the swing as he pushed us with her other foot. “So, anyone catch your eye?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, around here.”

“Why would anyone catch my eye?”

“Because there are hot men everywhere.”

“Yes, but they’re all married.”

“Not all of them. Okay, most of them. What about Kavanaugh? He’s been coming around a lot,” she said, bumping into my shoulder with a grin.

If she thought I was about to start bonding with her over sex, that wasn’t going to happen. “There’s nothing going on with me and Bradford. Besides, my husband just died.”

“Well, not just. It’s been a while.”

Pain cut through me, slicing me wide open. It took everything in me not to go to that dark place where I wanted to curl into a ball and never leave my bed. Some days hurt more than others. I just didn’t know how to live without him. But it was so much worse because my whole world had been ripped away. All the security that I had on that island was gone. I didn’t know how to function anymore.

“I can’t,” I said quietly.

“You know, you can talk about him with me.”

That surprised me. No one ever wanted me to talk about him. Not even my own mother. She must have seen the shock on my face.

“Seriously, you need to talk about it—about him.”

I sighed heavily. “I doubt you really want to hear about my relationship.”

“Because he was a madman who beat you senseless on multiple occasions and let Rafe beat the shit out of you to get you off the island? Yeah, I probably don’t understand. But here’s the thing, I don’t have to understand the circumstances to listen. I can keep my mouth shut and let you vent.”

I wasn’t used to anyone being so blunt with me, yet willing to shove that aside. Well, Knight talked to me, but he was my brother. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was supposed to be doing fine. I came out here under the illusion that I was healing. How could I trust that she wouldn’t tell Eva everything I said? I didn’t know Vira. Not well enough to know if she would spy on me, anyway.

“There’s really nothing to talk about. I’m not ready to move on, but Ebarardo is in the past.”

Just saying that felt like tearing out my own heart, but it was necessary to keep everyone thinking I was fine. And based on the way Vira was looking at me, she knew it too.

We had a sort of stare-off for a good minute until the sound of a little girl’s voice dragged my gaze from hers. She was holding one of the guy’s hands, talking animatedly as they walked around the property.

“Oh, man,” Vira groaned. “If only he didn’t have a daughter.”

“Which one is he?” I asked curiously.

“Jason. Sexy, dangerous, completely beautiful, and now unavailable.”

I glanced over at her. “Why? Did he get married?”

She tossed back her head and laughed at me. I didn’t really get the joke, but I never really did with Vira. “No, he’s unavailable because he has a kid.”

“That doesn’t mean he’ll never have sex again.”

“No, but it means I won’t be having sex with him. As hot as he is, I’m not letting anyone with a kid near me.”

“I doubt he would bring her along,” I said drolly.

“No, but she would always be on his mind, and when I’m with a man, I want to be the priority.” She pushed off the swing and headed inside, shooting one last longing look at the man.

He was very good-looking. I felt like absolute shit for even thinking that, but it was hard to deny. He just had this raw masculinity to him that would make any woman’s heart skip a beat.

I studied the little girl and wondered how she showed up out of the blue. Was he not in her life before? Or did he only see her on weekends? Why was she here now? I really shouldn’t care about any of this. It wasn’t my business, but the way he looked at her, it was as if he’d never heard her speak before today—like he was soaking in every word she said.

“Hi!” the girl shouted, waving her hand excitedly.

I hadn’t realized she was even looking in my direction. I hoped to duck out of sight, but then her father looked at me, his eyes locked on me like a target. I sat completely still, afraid to move even an inch. Something about the way he was looking at me made my breath hitch in my chest and my palms turn clammy. He had that dangerous look to him, like he could burn the world down without blinking an eye. I knew lots of men like that, each of them more deadly than the last. One thing you never wanted to do was cross them.

Before I knew what was happening, the little girl broke into a run toward my house, slipping from her father’s grasp. With every step she took, my anxiety spiked higher. She couldn’t come up here. It was too dangerous. Her father would never approve, and then he would be upset with me.

You know what happens when you upset me.

I swallowed hard, shaking off the words that seemed to come out of nowhere. The little girl bound up the steps with a huge smile on her face.

“Carli!” the man shouted.

The little girl stopped and slowly turned to face her dad. I could see it playing out, how he would run up the steps and grab her arm, yanking her to him. The anger would be too much. It would get the better of him and he wouldn’t be able to stop himself.

I was out of the swing and in front of her before I even had time to consider if I could survive a hit from this man. Her little body was behind me, protected for the time being, but would it be enough?

“Run!” I shouted. “Get inside!”

The little girl flinched at my words and her father skidded to a stop, his eyes narrowing on me. I heard the door open behind me and smelled Vira’s perfume wafting out.

“What’s going on out here?”

“Vira, take the little girl inside,” I whispered, my arms outstretched, showing the man there was no way I was letting him past me. Not that I could stop him. He would snap me like a twig in a second.

“Izzy—”

“Just do it!”

My heart pounded in my chest and nausea bubbled in my throat. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could stand my ground. Finally, I heard her voice coaxing the little girl inside. When the door closed, I knew I was about to pay for taking his daughter away from him.

With his first step, my legs shook. My eyes tracked his boots, and my body tensed as I prepared for the hit I knew was coming. I felt like I was on the verge of hyperventilating. Spots started to fill my vision, but if I passed out now, who would protect that little girl and Vira?

But then just as I thought I would pass out, he stopped and cocked his head slightly, his voice soft. “Isabelle.”

My mouth opened, but no sound came out. I couldn’t seem to make anything work as I stared at the man. I forced my hands into fists, then opened them again. He watched the movement, but made no attempt to approach me. Why wasn’t he charging? Why wasn’t he attacking?

“You’re Rafe’s sister.”

He knew Rafe.

“I’m Jason. I worked with him for a long time. We’ve actually met before.”

I didn’t remember that. When would I have ever met this man?

He acted like it was totally normal to keep talking when I just stood there like a statue.

“I was there the day they brought you to the hospital.”

If he knew Rafe… “If you worked for him, why didn’t you try to rescue him?”

“It’s complicated. We could only get two helicopters on the island. One was to rescue another woman and the other was the medevac for you. Since I worked with Rafe, there was no way I could show my face. Zavala would have recognized me.”

That made sense. But then… “You could have gone on the other helicopter.”

“Cash made the final decision.”

“Cash isn’t here to verify that,” I said skeptically.

He nodded slowly, his eyes scanning my face. “I get it.”

He didn’t say anything else, but he didn’t move for the door either. Why wasn’t he trying to get around me?

“Are you going to just stand there?”

“My daughter is safe inside. I’ll stand here until you decide to let me in.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s your house.”

“No, I mean, why would you let your daughter stay inside? You don’t know me. You don’t know Vira.”

“But I know everyone at OPS. They wouldn’t let you stay here if they didn’t trust you.”

“Then why did you yell at your daughter?”

“Because it’s rude to run up to other people’s houses.”

“You were angry at her.”

He shifted slightly, his eyes softening the longer he looked at me. I didn’t understand what was going on. “I yelled at her to stop to get her attention. That’s not the same as being angry.”

I didn’t know if he was telling the truth or not. It seemed like he was being honest, but it could all be a lie. Men were very good at being deceptive.

Be a good girl and I’ll give you anything you want.

I frowned at the words, wondering where they came from.

“Would you like to sit and talk?” he asked, pointing to the swing.

Sit and talk. I could do that. Maybe just for a minute. I slowly lowered my arms and gave a jerky nod as I walked over to the swing. I took up my usual position, leaving an extra gap between us, but he was so large that it didn’t leave as much space as I intended.

Every muscle in my body was tense as he sat next to me. Even as he gently rocked us, I sat stiff as a board, unable to relax even a little. This didn’t feel right. I shouldn’t be here—this close to another man. Ebarardo wouldn’t like it. It was wrong.

I stood suddenly and stepped away from him. If he found the movement strange, he didn’t show it. “I—I’ll get your daughter.”

“Okay.”

I gnawed my lip as I considered how to move past him, but before I had a plan in place, he stood and walked down the steps of the porch, clearing the path for me.

It eased something in my chest that I didn’t want to examine too closely, so I hurried inside and found his daughter in the kitchen with Vira. They were devouring milk and cookies, laughing at something.

I twisted my hands, feeling like a fool for the way I reacted when she ran up the steps.

“Hey, Izzy! This is Carli. I think she’s going to be our new best friend.”

“Yeah?” I said, my voice cracking.

“Apparently, all that’s required is milk and cookies.”

Carli smiled up at me expectantly, but I had no idea what to say. I was no good with kids. I’d never been around them, except for a few times. “Well, we usually have milk and cookies.”

The little girl’s smile grew wider as she hopped down from the stool. “I’m gonna ask my daddy if we can come back every day!” She took off in a flash, running out of the kitchen.

My eyes widened in horror, but Vira just shrugged. Were we really expected to entertain a little girl every day? I hurried after her, pushing the screen door open as Carli babbled to her dad about coming back tomorrow for more cookies.

“We’ll see. We can’t just show up every day at someone’s house.”

“Why not?”

“Because you need to be invited.”

“But Vira said I’m her new best friend,” she whined.

“Carli—”

“And best friends play together.”

The man sighed, clearly unsure of what to do. I didn’t know either, but I found myself stepping forward, which was very unlike me.

“Maybe—maybe she could come tomorrow to make brownies.”

Carli’s head whipped around and a huge smile broke out on her face. “I love brownies!”

Then her smile fell and her lip quivered. Tears pooled in her eyes as she looked to the ground. I made her cry. I didn’t know how, but I had somehow ruined this little girl’s day.

“Hey, baby girl. It’s okay,” Jason said, getting down on his knees. He pulled her into his arms and held her tight. She buried her face in his neck and cried as she wrapped her arms around him.

I had no idea what I had done, but I’d somehow broken this little girl. Jason picked up the little girl and walked away without another word. Sighing, I turned and headed inside. I was never going to fit in here or anywhere else. I just didn’t know how to talk to other people.

“Did they leave?” Vira asked, peeking around the corner.

“Yeah. I scared her off or something.”

“Thank God!” Vira sighed, flopping down in a chair. “I don’t know how much longer I could have lasted with that kid.”

I shot her a funny look. “You were the one who called her your best friend.”

“Look, I can fake it with the best of them. That doesn’t mean I actually want a kid over here all the time.”

“Then why did you call her your best friend?”

Vira stared at me like I was an idiot. “Because I was trying to calm her down. You went all batshit crazy on her. What was that about, anyway?”

The look on his face flashed in my mind. Could I really have been so wrong? I thought for sure by the tone of his voice that something bad was going to happen. But then everything was fine.

Unless…

What if he was just waiting until he got her home to take out his anger on her? Oh God…He could be hitting her right now. I stood suddenly, storming for the door. I flung it open and stepped outside. The moment I walked down the steps, I had a choice to make. I could stay on my porch and live in my cocoon or force myself to leave on my own and check on that little girl.

I lifted my foot, my heart thudding harshly in my chest as I made my decision. I was going to do this. I was going to leave the comfort of my house and willingly put myself in a situation that I might not come back from.

My foot hit the ground and I took off.

* * *

“Where are we going?”

I jumped at the sound of Vira’s voice. I had no idea she’d followed me. Honestly, I was glad she was with me. “I have to check on that little girl.”

“Carli.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because... because her father yelled at her.”

“Okay… Fathers do that.”

“Yes, but it was the look on his face. He was angry. What if he does something when he gets her home?”

“I doubt he would do anything to her.”

“But you don’t know for sure,” I argued.

“Do you even know where you’re going?”

I stopped suddenly, cursing myself for not thinking this through. “No. I have no idea where they live. I just saw them coming from this direction.”

“Okay, give me a second.”

I ignored her as she made a phone call. Even though I knew I was doing the right thing, it didn’t ease the nerves running through my body. I never left my house without Bradford. He was always with me, and walking away without him felt so odd.

“One of the guys is going to meet us.”

“Which one?” I asked, nervous about meeting yet another one.

“Kavanaugh.”

“Thank God.”

Vira tangled her fingers with mine and held tight. She wasn’t normally like this with me, which meant I must be really freaking her out.

“Am I that bad?” I chuckled.

“Nah. A little pale. You look like you might pass out. Or puke. But other than that, totally fine.”

A half laugh slipped through my lips. I closed my eyes, slowly taking a deep breath. I just had to breathe. It was no big deal to be out here. I was still on the OPS property. I hadn’t gone wandering off.

Did you ask permission to leave the house?

My eyes flew open, but before I could figure out where I had heard that before, Bradford strode up to me.

“Hey, going on a walk without me?” he asked, his charming smile instantly soothing me.

I wanted to say something equally funny, but the words just wouldn’t come. I was stuck in a state of limbo.

“So, you want to check on Carli?”

I nodded, the words stuck in my throat.

“Okay, let’s go.”

Vira squeezed my fingers, letting me know she was still with me. I didn’t remember much of the walk. I was in a daze the whole time until we got to his house. It was a nice two-story house, much like the others on the property. There wasn’t much difference to any of them around here. I distracted myself from the anxiety ripping through me by pointing out the differences between this house and the one next to it. The shutters were a different color. The garage was on the opposite side of the house. The porch went the whole length of this house, whereas the one next door only had a short porch.

“Ready?”

I jerked my gaze to Bradford and nodded. I’d never been to anyone else’s house, and I had a feeling this would be one of those things Ebarardo would not approve of, but the need to make sure Carli was okay won out.

The door swung open just seconds after Bradford knocked, and Jason looked past him to Vira and me.

“Hey, man. Izzy wanted to check on Carli. Do you think we could come inside a minute?”

“Sure.”

I avoided all eye contact. I knew if I looked at him, he would be fuming, angry that I was basically accusing him of being a child abuser. I slid past him, careful not to touch him as I stepped inside.

“She’s upstairs in her room. You can head up there.”

I didn’t waste a second hanging around downstairs. I wanted to check on her and get back to my house where I felt comfortable. I peeked in every door until I found her sitting in her room playing with a doll on her bed. She looked fine. In fact, there didn’t seem to be a single thing wrong with her.

“Carli?”

“Izzy!” She jumped off her bed and ran toward me, flinging herself into my arms.

I wasn’t expecting a hug or an enthusiastic greeting. She released me and smiled up at me like this was the best day of her life. I just didn’t understand it.

“Are you okay, sweetie?”

She nodded emphatically, not using her words.

“It’s just…” How did I ask if her father hurt her? That seemed like a line I shouldn’t cross.

She ducked her head. All the happiness seemed to drain from the room. “I was sad. Daddy said it’s okay to be sad.”

“Why were you sad?” I got down on my knees so I could see her better.

“Momma and me used to make brownies.”

Used to.

“Sweetie, what happened to your mommy?”

“Daddy says she’s in heaven.” She sniffled, swiping at her nose.

Feeling like absolute shit, I pulled her into my arms, giving her the biggest hug. Had I been wrong the whole time? I still didn’t know anything about him, but this explained the tears outside my house.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie. I didn’t know.”

“Daddy says she’s watching me.”

“I’m sure she is.” I pulled back from her, wiping the tears from her little cheeks. “Other than that, are you okay? You’re not hurt?”

She shook her head, wiping her nose on her arm. “Will you read me a story?”

I really only came here to check on her, and now that I knew she was okay, I just wanted to go home. But she just lost her mother. How could I say no to her?

“Yes, I can read a story.”

“We can read in here!” She hurried over to a sheer pink tent hanging from the ceiling and crawled inside. I followed her, wondering if I would fit, but inside was massive, filled with pillows and blankets.

“You can sit here!”

She patted her hand on the pink floral blanket and motioned for me to sit down. Crawling over, I sat down, but couldn’t get comfortable, so I wiggled until I was laying down and looking up at all the twinkle lights sprinkled throughout the tent.

“My daddy did this.”

“It’s really cool.”

“Read this one!”

She shoved a book at me with a donkey on the cover. The Wonky Donkey.

Giggles erupted from her mouth as she curled into my side, wrapping her hand around my arm. I stared at her fingers for a minute, wondering why she was so close to me. Did all kids act like this? She barely knew me.

“You have to open the book,” she whispered.

A smile curved my lips and I opened the book and began to read.