Page 81 of A Vow of Embers

All the oxygen in the room fled. I didn’t understand what he was trying to do. We were alone. No one could hear him pretend to flirt with me. Desire gripped me hard in its grasp and my whole body throbbed with want.

He let out a laugh, as if he knew exactly the effect his words had on me. “I have a gift waiting for you in the bedroom. You should go.”

I had been dismissed. He turned around, showing me his muscled back as he reached for a bar of soap. My fingers tingled with the urge to scrub his back for him. To accept his offer so that I could explore his body and look at all of him as much as I wanted.

That was the Ilionian way, wasn’t it? A tradition?

“Did you change your mind about joining me?” he asked over his shoulder. “I know how curious you are.”

When I didn’t answer he turned slowly in the water to face me again. His eyes had gone dark, and a muscle flickered in his jaw. His voice was low, intoxicating, and nearly did me in. “I could satisfy your curiosity.”

I got the feeling he could satisfy far more than that.

My heart was beating so erratically that I could no longer think.

“We could do what everyone in the court already assumes we’re doing.” His voice continued to be cajoling, alluring, tempting. “What married people usually do. No one would have to know.”

It was true. No one would have to know.

You would know,a voice inside me said, giving me some strength to resist. To remind myself of the vows both he and I had made. Breaking them would get me buried alive. “You promised Theano in your contract that our marriage was in name only. We can’t.”

There was a long pause, one so long that I became extremely uncomfortable and awkward with each passing moment.

“As I’ve said before, as weak as any other woman when it comes to this.” Then he let out a sultry laugh and I realized a moment too late that it was at my expense. He had been playing a game and I had, once again, fallen for it. The fury came rushing back and I went out the washroom door and slammed it shut, leaning against it.

I was so pathetically defenseless when it came to him. It was a good thing he had chosen to ignore me for the past week because if he had been doing this the entire time, since our wedding night?

I would no longer be a maiden.

And I hated myself for my weakness. Locris was dying. My brother was dead, which meant my sister had to be betrothed to a woman-beating monster. Quynh had been taken prisoner, with who knew what done to her. Alexandros had tricked me for weeks and let me grieve my sister’s “death.” I again had to run through the list because just moments ago I had been ready to set it all aside and climb into that pool with him. For what? Because he had flirted with me? Had deigned to actually speak to me? I knew how mercurial he was, how he could go from charming and warm to cold and hard in the space of a heartbeat. Why was I tempted?

It hadn’t even been real. He had meant it all as a jest. A way to make me feel small and pitiful.

To show me how much power he could wield over me if he chose to.

How was I going to resist him if he did this again? I thought of Demaratus forcing the regiment to spend time with each other, saying that dogs learned to get along by being fed together, sleeping together.

And that was what I had been doing. Spending time with the prince, lying next to him for hours every night, and it had been lowering my defenses slowly, without me even realizing it.

Things between us had been changing ever since the dream where we’d been forced to talk to one another. Even though we hadn’t been speaking in our real lives, being exposed to him every day was desensitizing me. The anger now was nowhere near as intense as it had been on our wedding day. As if it were slowly being leached out of me—the same way that sunlight and salt air drained the color from wooden planks.

Here, alone, I privately acknowledged that I had loved Jason but I hated Alexandros. I had to remind myself that they were not the same man, even if they wore the same face.

And I had to find a way to stop these feelings, to separate the two. To keep my traitorous heart from responding the way that it did. This couldn’t go on.

Should I go back to the dinner? Everyone thought I had come here to ... attend to my husband’s needs. I supposed I had to stay for a little while. I wasn’t sure how long.

A cawing noise came from the balcony. I went through the open doors and saw Kunguru. “Now you show up? You were supposed to come and visit me days ago.”

He cawed again and it actually sounded apologetic.

“I suppose I forgive you. It must be nice to fly wherever you wish, to escape your life,” I said while stroking his head. He leaned to the side, making it easier for me to pet him. “I missed you.”

Alexandros had said that there was a gift waiting for me in our bedroom. Did he mean Kunguru? That couldn’t have been it. I wished the raven could stay with me for times like these. My sisters couldn’t be with me every moment of the day and night as they once had. It would be nice to have a third party here when I was alone with Alexandros.

Even if that creature was a bird.

“Ahyana’s in the dining hall,” I told him, figuring he’d come looking for her. There was a noise at the bedroom door and he let out a warning call and then flew away.