Page 8 of A Vow of Embers

Or did I want Jason to be who he had presented himself as? Like this was some kind of wishful thinking where I wouldn’t be enough of a fool to fall in love with a man who was tricking me at every turn. A chance to do things over.

“And I suppose next you’re going to tell me that you don’t have my sister locked up in your palace?”

“Quynh?” He looked legitimately surprised.

“Yes, Quynh. Why did you take her from me? Why have you let me suffer all this time thinking she was dead?”

Then he said to me what he’d actually said that night. “I hope you know that she’s not dead because of me.”

I came to a complete stop and he nearly smacked into me. When this had happened before, I had thought he was letting me know that he hadn’t played a hand in her death. Telling me that I couldn’t hold him responsible because he wasn’t a part of it.

But I now realized that it had been a confession that I’d completely missed.She’s not dead because of me.

He hadn’t been trying to shift blame. He had been telling me that she wasn’t dead and that he was the reason why. Because he had taken her.

The realization made me irrationally angry. I whirled around and grabbed a fistful of his tunic and pulled him in closer.

“What did you just say?” I demanded.

“If you wanted a kiss, all you had to do was ask,” he teased. That delicious scent of his, that mixture of sandalwood, soap, and iris, slammed into me, befuddling my senses.

“Listen, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but I’m not going to—”

He pressed his mouth against mine, and for one second I stiffened in shock, wanting to protest. But before I could do so, my traitorous body responded and melted against him. I fell into his kiss and arms so easily that it was pathetic.

I meant to pull away, but then he tangled his fingers into my hair, massaging my scalp, and I couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t tell him no. When his tongue swept against mine, my knees buckled and I had to fight back a moan. The heat, the desire, the longing—if someone had asked me whether I was still capable of feeling it for him, I would have denied it.

But he was proving me a liar. A very willing one, at that.

“So easy. I knew you’d respond this way.” He murmured the words against my mouth, and that was what gave me the strength to push against his shoulders.

“Stay out of my dreams,” I told him, my chest heaving. How could I still want him, still be attracted to him, after everything that he’d done? I hated him.

His eyes narrowed at me. “Not my choice, princess.”

He disappeared. If I’d needed any proof that he was responsible for orchestrating our dream connection, his ability to go in and out of them was it.

I looked down at the xiphos in my hand. I wondered: If I killed him in our dreams, would he die in real life? Maybe next time I’d get the chance to find out.

And I kept on pondering that possibility throughout the next day. Io had asked me not to kill her brother, but maybe being able to do soin a dream would scratch this murderous itch. I spent too much time envisioning the feeling of my blade sinking into his flesh, the look of shock on his face, how satisfying it would be.

It was ridiculous to even consider, though. He was too fast. The only time I’d been able to get a blade close to him had been when he’d allowed it. I knew he wouldn’t do so again.

But instead of being able to lie in bed and think of all the ways I could end Prince Alexandros’s life, I was expected to go about my day like normal. It felt surreal to be doing my daily routine, given that my entire world had been upended. I cleaned the courtyard and the temple, ignoring the soldiers who still lined the streets. Maia had skipped our personal class, so I had been able to have breakfast with my adelphia. There was an awkwardness there, but at least we could all be around one another again.

Io used the contract as a way to engage me. She kept it out of sight so that no one at the temple would know that she could read and write, and I had no doubt our adelphia would keep her royal background to themselves.

I wanted to forgive Io. Given enough time, I thought I’d be able to.

But I didn’t know whether I could trust her again. She had made a vow to not tell her brother any of my secrets, but I didn’t know how long that would last if it bumped up against her promise to the goddess to keep me safe. I could imagine that she would justify or rationalize breaking the vow for what she considered a higher purpose.

I had felt so guilty about not telling my sisters about the eye of the goddess and my quest to retrieve it in order to restore Locris, but now I was fervently grateful that I’d never told them. Because the reality was that my adelphia might tell Io and she might feel obligated to tell the prince. He would try to stop me. Or be vindictive enough to find it first and destroy it so I wouldn’t be able to use it. I was sure he wouldn’t want Locris to be restored.

Which meant I would have to keep my plans to myself. I couldn’t risk confiding in any of them, and that thought made me sad.

I glanced over at Suri as we settled into our morning class. She knew about the eye, but given that she was mute, she wouldn’t say anything about it. Although she had become more communicative as of late, using some signs to make sure her meaning got across. She was so protective of Io, so loyal to her, that I worried she might find a way to share my secret with her.

“You will need an allowance for clothing and jewels,” Io said, drawing my attention away from Suri. “You will have to look the part or else the court will eat you alive.”