Page 206 of A Vow of Embers

It humiliated me and also sent a rush of longing and need through me with an ache so sharp it could have cut me.

All I wanted to do was run away and hide. To never see him again so that I wouldn’t have to relive my humiliation. The way that I had melted for him, everything that I had allowed him and encouraged him to do, so desperate and needy for him that I had forgotten everything else.

“Lia? Xander?”

Rokh was at our door. I went over and opened it. He greeted me and then handed me the book he had promised he would return. I thanked him for doing so.

He said, “You and Xander have been summoned to speak with the council.”

That didn’t sound promising. “He’s getting dressed and I’ll let him know when he’s done.”

Now it was his turn to thank me and he left. I closed the door, brought the book over to the table, and set it down. Rokh returning the book reminded me of the story he’d shared with me last night and the aspects of it that had frightened me.

Specifically what his mother had done out of love for his father.

And I realized how easily Xander could have that kind of power over me. How, if he asked, I would do what Mahtab had done. I would travel to the ends of the earth for the man I saw last night, and the prospect of that was terrifying.

My black dress and girdle lay on the floor, along with my xiphos. I recalled in exacting detail how he had removed each one. Along with all that we had done in front of that mirror.

And how much I’d reveled in all of it.

I wanted to wipe away all memories of last night. I picked up my things and put them away and then strapped my xiphos to my thigh. I was in dire need of a bath. My skin felt disgusting and sticky, just as I’d predicted.

My heart stuttered in my chest as my mind perfectly recollected how it had come to be that way.

I had to get out.

So I went next door, something I should have done as soon as I had woken up.

When I entered I saw that Ahyana was asleep, but Suri kept vigil, waiting. Both Io and Zalira still slept.

“Has she woken up at all?” I asked.

No.

If Xander and I came back from this meeting and Io was still asleep, I resolved to call for a healer.

I heard him moving around in our bedroom and sucked in a deep breath. I had to pass along Rokh’s message to him. It took every bit of strength that I possessed to turn around and return to our room.

My heart went into my throat when I saw him. What would he do? What would he say?

He was putting on his belt and didn’t look up when I came in. I twisted my hands together, unsure of how to proceed. If he wouldn’t even look at me ...

“Rokh said that the council has summoned us.”

“I know.” His voice was flat, devoid of emotion. “Let’s go.”

He marched past me and I had to follow, a sick thud in my stomach with every step that I took.

This was somehow worse than I had thought it would be.

“A life mage apprentice was found unconscious this morning,” he said.

“And?” I swallowed down the guilt I felt.

“And initially I thought that you might have been involved, but nothing had been stolen from him so now I’m not sure what to think.” His words cut with precision, hitting me square in the gut.

Xander knew me. He knew that I had done this. That unnerved me more than his accusing tone. He sounded angry but also a bit wounded and I didn’t know what to make of that.