Page 202 of A Vow of Embers

“He only saw me that way on a couple of occasions.” The other times I had been in my Locrian clothes or in the green tunic that Maia had allowed me to wear the night of the festival.

“Xander saw you in that black tunic many, many times.”

My throat had suddenly become too tight. How often had he come to the temple to check on his sister and seen me? Watched me when I didn’t know? I again wanted to infuse that with some special meaning, but I wouldn’t allow myself to do so.

The time for girlish, wistful dreams had to end. Xander had been too much of a distraction, taking up too much of my time. Locris was still on the brink of total disaster. Saving my nation and finding the eye had to be my priority.

It didn’t stop me from asking, “What happens when people drink the honeyed wine? Are they compelled to be honest, like with the truth serum? Or can they lie and tell you what you want to hear in order to bed you?” I had to know.

Io looked as if she wanted me to explain further, but I wouldn’t. “They don’t have to be honest, no.”

So he might have said whatever he’d had to in order to shatter my defenses. I put a hand over my queasy stomach. What had passed between us had felt entirely honest and real.

What if it hadn’t been?

“The desire he has for you is real,” Io said. “The honeyed wine only pushes you toward someone you already want.”

My heart felt too big for my chest. “Are you certain?”

Her words made me feel too vulnerable. Made the relationship between him and me seem too fractured, strange, and inexplicable.

“It is true. You don’t try to bed the first person you come across after you drink it. Imagine the havoc it would wreak on the city after the festival if that were true. You only feel amorous for people you already desire.”

“He was in a room full of beautiful women and yet he specifically sought you out,” Ahyana added quietly.

And he had been drugged. He hadn’t chosen to be in that situation. Io had chosen it for him.

Or the goddess had.

Either way, Xander hadn’t consciously made that decision.

“Why do you always think the worst when it comes to my brother?” Io asked. “Why can’t you ever accept things as they are instead of the way you fear they must be? You do not give yourself enough credit. Or him.”

Her words struck true, piercing my heart. I did always think the worst when it came to him. Because ... because we couldn’t be together and that was the only thing that mattered. I held on to my doubts, my insecurities, and my fears because they helped me to keep him at arm’s length. Without them ...

Without them I would give in.

And then I wouldn’t be able to save Locris.

“Does it work differently on men? Or did you give him too much?” I asked, ignoring Io’s probing questions and attempting to make certain I had all the facts. If I was prone to giving in to my disbelief, I should at least understand it all.

“Why would you ask that?”

“Because the man is spouting poetry,” I said, exasperated.

“Really?” Io responded with a smile. “I feel like this is something I should witness so that I can tease him relentlessly about it later.”

Considering his current state, I didn’t think he’d appreciate me letting his younger sister see him.

Which somehow led to me saying, “You can’t, because I have him tied up!”

It was as if the secret burst out of me because I had to share it with someone. Thrax already knew, but he didn’t count.

Ahyana laughed and Suri put a hand over her own mouth to hide her smile.

I felt compelled to explain. “He kept being ... vigorous and poetic, even after I told him that he had drunk the honeyed wine.”

More laughter and smiles. I just shook my head. My adelphia had always enjoyed teasing me when I was in the worst kind of torment. And this was torment, because all I wanted to do was go back up there and do as he’d suggested and have my way with him.