Page 167 of A Vow of Embers

There was a pit in my stomach, yawning and deep. Her words didn’t fill me with hope, which seemed to be her intent. They scared me. I was so conflicted when it came to my husband. I felt like I kept bouncing between two extremes. Either I was ready to kill him or I wanted to kiss him.

And I was afraid that the only way to keep from kissing him was the anger we felt toward one another. If that was gone ...

Maybe that was the reason we picked fights with one another. Why we repeatedly threw the same accusations in each other’s faces. Without that anger between us, we might give in to our desires.

Maia had walked away from the group she had been speaking to, and I saw my chance. “I need to talk to Maia. I’ll be right back.”

I ran over to my mentor and tapped her on the shoulder. “May I speak with you?”

“Of course,” she said. She sounded slightly tipsy and I wondered whether that would work in my favor. “This is a good night. A celebration of how the cycle is renewed and the temple goes on. As long as there is one priestess who believes, we can always start again.”

It seemed drinking made Maia philosophical. When we were far away enough from other people, I asked, “Does the water in the fountain make us strong like men?”

Her face blanched. “How do you know that?”

That was confirmation. “I probably wouldn’t have figured it out if you hadn’t insisted that we drink the water while in the palace.”

“You’re in danger. You needed the help,” she said, sounding extremely worried.

“How does it work?”

“I don’t know. You’re the first acolyte who’s ever made the connection. I was told when I became a priestess, but no one explained it to me.”

“There are books that I’ve read in the palace, Maia. Books that say priestesses used to be married. I saw a list that named priestesses, their husbands, and the dowry the temple had given them. There’s a medical text that speaks about a physical condition where a priestess and her husband are physically linked until they consummate their marriage. They share their injuries.”

Her eyes went wide and she quickly figured out that I was speaking about myself. “Are you both all right?”

“We’re fine,” I said. “But I think the women of this temple have been lied to. Either deliberately or through omission because no one kept records.”

I expected her to argue with me, to defend the temple and the high priestess, but she didn’t. “Will you bring me one of those books?”

Her request surprised me. “Can you read?”

She nodded. Everyone around me had so many secrets. “Yes, I can read. Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I would never betray your confidence. And I will bring you one as soon as I possibly can. It is difficult for me to leave the palace.” I had no idea how I would bring a book to Maia without Theano finding out and expelling Maia from the temple, but I would figure it out. “Do you know anything about the eye of the goddess?”

“It’s been lost for a very long time. The only thing I’ve ever heard about the eye is that one was taken from Locris and given to life mages.”

I nodded. It had been worth a shot.

She put her hands on my upper arms, looking intently into my eyes. “I will stay quiet but you must speak of this to no one.”

“I won’t.”

This seemed to satisfy her and she left the celebration. I wondered where she was going.

Somebody slammed hard into my shoulder and I pivoted away to prevent myself from being knocked over.

Artemisia glared at me.

I had wanted things to be the way they used to be. It seemed like Artemisia was the only person willing to play her old role.

“Why are you here? You’re no longer an acolyte. You’re a wife.” She spit the last word out like it was a dirty one.

She knew I was married? I supposed it shouldn’t have surprised me that word had spread. The city probably had talked about the onetime priestess who married the prince. How could they not? It was so different from what they knew. Gossip probably came into the temple easily enough, with worshippers and deliveries.

What if Erisa found out that I had taken my vows and what those vows were? The prince had lied about it, but if she bothered to speak to anyone here ... Artemisia would have been happy to tell her the truth.