Page 119 of A Vow of Embers

Zalira and Ahyana returned to visit me and dinner was sent to my room. Parthenia brought it herself. They could all tell how furious I was, and so they wisely didn’t bring up the fact that I had been incarcerated. There was nothing any of them could do. I would have to wait until my lying husband returned.

Io and Suri came in and Io seemed unaware of the tension. “There are so many guards outside!” she exclaimed. “At each end of the hall and outside of our bedroom doors.”

Why had her brother allowed her to roam the palace? He was obsessed with her safety but he hadn’t locked her in her room.

If you die, he dies. That’s why he locked you up,a voice whispered to me. I didn’t want logic right now. I wanted answers from him.

“I learned something new today from my book,” Io said. “A pregnancy test. I just need a drop of blood. Parthenia, do you mind?”

The maid shook her head and offered her finger. Io pricked it and squeezed a drop of blood into a vial. The liquid, which had been clear, turned a bright blue.

“The color change means she’s definitely pregnant,” Io said as she put the vial down on the table. Parthenia told me good night. She gave me a small, sad smile as she closed the door, and it made mewonder if everyone in the palace knew that my husband had confined me to my room.

“Now we just need someone that we know for sure isn’t pregnant,” Io said.

“Like me?” I offered.

“We don’t know that,” Ahyana teased but then turned serious. “Although to be fair, I’m not exactly sure how it happens.”

Io came over to my finger and pricked it into the vial. The liquid stayed clear and my blood drop just disintegrated into it.

“Not pregnant,” she said. “And I can tell you precisely how a baby is made.”

That made everyone fall quiet. “You can?” Zalira asked, sounding as surprised as I was sure the rest of us felt.

“My stepmother took great pleasure in giving me all the details so that I would be afraid of my wedding night with Zethus,” Io said bitterly as she sat down.

“Would you tell us?” Ahyana asked, a bit awkwardly.

Io nodded. She described it in a dispassionate, factual, straightforward manner. Some of it I had suspected or already figured out on my own, but there was much that was brand-new information. Such as what happened physically to a man who was aroused. It gave me new insight into some of the encounters I’d had with Xander.

Or how most men were willing and eager to bed any woman at any time, any place, for any reason. So even if Xander hated me, he might still want me.

Because I knew that was true for me.

Ahyana kept interrupting to ask questions, like whether it would hurt, and Io said usually only the first time. Io also added that sometimes the woman would bleed that first time, information that shocked the others but that I already knew thanks to my wedding night. I was glad for Ahyana’s questions, as she asked things that I was also curious about. All those dreams where I had wondered what would happen next ... now I knew.

“They both can, but most men only seek their own pleasure,” Io said as an answer to Ahyana’s question about whether both people involved liked it. “My stepmother said most men won’t even try to make sure the woman enjoys it and delighted in reminding me that Zethus was the kind who would treat me roughly and not care about me.”

“I don’t think Rokh would be like that,” Ahyana said.

And I didn’t think Xander would be, either. I had some experience in that area with him. I knew he wanted me to have pleasure, too.

That thought sent a hot and cold shiver across my skin as my stomach hollowed out.

Zalira and Ahyana seemed as fascinated but bewildered as I did, while Suri just looked grim. There was so much my mother hadn’t told me. I wondered why she hadn’t. This seemed like information that I should have had.

Io then changed the subject to something else entirely and we went along with it, even though I suspected we all still had some questions. And more likely than not, Io wouldn’t have been able to answer them anyway. We were getting secondhand information. This wasn’t something Io had experienced herself.

The rest of the evening passed quickly, but still Xander didn’t return. My sisters grew tired and went off to bed while I waited for my husband to come back to me.

I lay in my bed thinking over the things Io had told us. I couldn’t stop ... imagining doing those things with Xander. Io’s intent had seemed to be to inform but also for us to feel some of the same disgust or fear that she had felt. But I was excited by the prospect of doing those kinds of things with him. I felt an unfamiliar ache of desire, low and deep, that made me long for him to come back to our room.

But what about my vow?

I was afraid that I was siding with Ahyana on this one. We had proof that celibacy hadn’t always been the law. Would it really be so displeasing to the goddess if I had sex with my husband? We were married, after all.

I’d blamed Xander for the dreams, something both he and Io had claimed were outside of his capabilities. And for weeks those dreams had been about our relationship, especially the physical aspect of it. If the goddess herself had sent them, wasn’t that a clear signal that she would be fine with it? Wasn’t she the one who had sent the vision of me pregnant?