Page 164 of A Vow of Embers

She grimaced. “I try not to think about that part of it. I’m worried that I won’t be able to create a potion that will sever the link. And I need for you both to be safe, and if worst came to worst and something happened to one of you, I couldn’t bear to lose you both.”

Then she hurried up to walk alongside Suri, ending our conversation. I understood her fears. She also didn’t know what things were like between me and Xander. She had repeatedly assured me that her brother would never hurt me. And in the way she had meant it, it was true—he would never physically harm me.

But he had hurt my feelings so many times.

Stupid girl, you’ve done the same to him.

Zalira fell into step beside me, interrupting my internal thoughts.

“Can I talk to you about what happened?” she asked. Yesterday she hadn’t wanted to talk to any of us about her conversation with Stephanos. We all knew that it took her time to process her thoughts and feelings before she shared them.

“Only if you want to.” I didn’t want her to feel pressured.

She nodded. “It went well. Or, as well as can be expected. He said that after Ahyana and I joined the temple, he told his parents he wouldn’t marry anyone else and that he would always blame them for him losing me. They begged him to reconsider but he left to live on his own terms.”

Her breath caught and I could see that she was struggling with her emotions. I kept quiet, letting her speak.

“I’d been so worried they would disown him, that he would lose his ability to support himself. I suppose I did him a disservice by not considering that he might choose differently. I think because I lost my own parents, I would never want someone else to lose theirs. Especially not him. And I did not want to be the reason for him being estranged from them. But he chose it anyway.”

There were so many questions I wanted to ask but I stayed silent.

“Now I worry that I made the wrong decision.”

I couldn’t help myself. “Did you tell him that?”

“No. I’ll never tell him. What’s done is done. He has his new life and his brothers and I have my place with my sisters. I took vows. No matter what Ahyana thinks about them, we did promise.”

“So you’re against us breaking our vows,” I said.

“For me? Yes. For you? I don’t know what to tell you. I suppose it’s something you’ll have to figure out on your own because you’re the one who will have to live with the consequences.”

“You’re right.” Not only in that it was a decision I personally had to come to, but that we had made vows we needed to adhere to. The consequences of breaking that vow would mean the end of my life. I was going to start telling myself “Buried alive” whenever I was tempted to stray.

“Stephanos told me he missed me. That he thinks of me every day. That there hasn’t been anyone else,” she said.

“How does that make you feel?”

“Terrible! It broke my heart. I don’t want him to be sad and lonely.”

“He’s not alone. He has his phratry now,” I said as I glanced over my shoulder at them.

“He’s lonely,” she said sadly. “I know because I’m in the same position as him. I love our sisterhood and all of you, but there’s something missing from my life and I think it’s him. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel truly complete without him.”

“Oh, Zalira.” I tried to hug her but it was awkward to do while we were both walking and we ended up laughing about it. “I wish I could tell you that all will be well.”

Her smile was tight. “I don’t know that I’d believe you even if you did.”

I knew exactly what she meant. I was also impressed with how well she had handled that situation. She had been calm and discussed things with him rationally. They hadn’t made accusations or tried to hurt one another.I should be more like her.

We arrived at the temple shortly after. Antiope and the guards immediately went in and we followed. I wondered if the soldiers behind us would remind the priestesses of the siege Xander had laid when he tried to force me to marry him. That felt like a lifetime ago.

My adelphia went in ahead of me and I was worried about entering. Would the goddess judge me unworthy?

When I crossed through the archway, I immediately felt what I had been missing—the humming in the ground. That power that was always just out of reach. It was still there and I could still feel it. It was like the entire temple complex was welcoming me back, and I sighed with relief.

Maia waited for us and hugged each of us individually. “Welcome home,” she said to me.

Even though I was able to feel the power again, this no longer felt like my home and I wasn’t sure why.