Page 153 of A Vow of Embers

“I would never do that to her,” I protested.

“Threatening to kill the man she loves would certainly put a damper on her relationship.”

Trying to attack Thrax just now wouldn’t help things. He was sure to tell her, and if Quynh hadn’t wanted to keep her distance before, she surely would now.

I was ruining everything.

Whenever I imagined returning triumphantly to Locris, I had daydreamed about my adelphia coming, but my sister going back with me had been the one surety, the one constant, since I’d found out Quynh was alive. That would never happen now.

My sister loved an Ilionian. One who was sworn to the prince of this nation. She was never coming home with me.

I started to cry. Not only about my sister, but about everything. About all the ways I was wrecking things. It was all too much. I wanted it to stop. For my life to feel like my life again.

The moment my sobbing started, Xander turned me around and held me against his chest. He was stroking my hair, my back, murmuring nonsensical things against my scalp about how it would be all right. Things would work out.

It had been so long since someone had held me this way to comfort me. I should have been stronger. I should have pushed him away, but I chose a different path. I cried while my chest ached, my eyes burned, and my head throbbed.

We stood that way, swaying slightly, for a long time. An embarrassing amount of time. He let me shed all my tears, continuing to soothe and reassure me. I wasn’t sure why.

When my hiccuping sobs finally passed, I kept my face against his now damp shoulder.

“I hate seeing you cry,” he said. “It makes me want to slay whoever’s responsible.”

“Sometimes you’re the one who is responsible,” I confessed to him.

“Hm. It would be inconvenient to have to slay myself. Although I am probably the only person who could actually defeat me.”

I laughed again and it made me feel better. I lifted my face to look at him. I saw from his expression that he had meant to tease me out of my tears.

“I’m sorry that this upset you,” he said softly.

“Thank you.” It felt like ever since I had moved to the palace, I had lost all control over myself and my feelings. Demaratus had spent a year drilling into me how important it was to stay in control. I had to find a way to master myself again. “I’m sorry that I overreacted and wanted to kill your brother.”

“It will be all right. Sometimes I would like to kill Thrax, too.”

He smiled softly and his golden eyes were hazy as he reached up with his warm hand to stroke the side of my face. I momentarily closed my eyelids, leaning into the sensation.

When I opened them again, I saw that his gaze had dropped down to my mouth, and my body instantly responded to what felt like an invitation. My pulse skipped a beat, and my thick blood pulsated low in my belly.

“I don’t ever want to be the reason for your tears.” His voice was low and intoxicating and my heart sped up at the look in his eyes and I forgot my own name.

Thankfully, he reminded me of it. “Lia, I—”

Our door opened and I turned to see my entire adelphia walk into the room, watching us. I quickly stepped away from him and wrapped my arms around myself. It was a poor substitute for what it had felt like when he was holding me.

“Are we interrupting?” Io asked in a delighted tone. “We can come back later.”

“I was on my way out,” Xander said.

“Good. I was hoping I could speak to you privately in my room,” Io said. I furrowed my eyebrows. What was that about?

He nodded and walked with her to the door but turned to look back at me. There was a charged moment between us that made the air feel heavy. I couldn’t interpret what I saw on his face, and then he left, following his sister.

“Io filled us in on what happened last night,” Zalira said with a slightly accusatory tone. Suri gave me a short glare to show her displeasure. “Why didn’t you let us help you?”

I hadn’t needed their help but I sensed that it might hurt them if I said so. “I didn’t want you to get in trouble.”

“Who would we get in trouble from?” Ahyana asked as she flopped onto my bed and picked up one of the new books that they’d taken from the library. “Xander? Io said not to worry about him at all. There’s nothing he could or would do to any of us.”