Page 156 of A Vow of Embers

“Calm down. I haven’t broken any vows,” Ahyana said, sounding slightly annoyed.

Her assurance wasn’t very specific and didn’t make me feel much better. I had snuck out easily enough. Had Ahyana done the same with Rokh?

I wouldn’t have been able to blame her if she had. Especially since I had wanted to break my own vows many times with Xander.

Io cleared her throat and said, “Maybe that’s why the celibacy rule was created. Because of this link. Not allowing us to get married would stop it from ever being a problem.”

A strange thought occurred to me. Had Theano been aware of this when she had agreed to let Xander marry me? It was possible.

If she did know ... what did that mean?

Ahyana turned toward me. “Now you have two conflicting things that you have to decide between. Either you keep your vow, which we now know has not always been the rule when it comes to priestesses and which possibly puts yourself and the prince of Ilion in danger because if one of you dies, so would the other, which would make it so that his evil stepmother will rule, or you bed your very handsome husband and break the link. Your injuries haven’t been life-threatening to this point. But what if there’s something worse coming? What if you both die? I can’t imagine the goddess would want that, either. It seems like an easy choice to me.”

“The temple guards will bury me alive,” I reminded her. Ahyana seemed to have forgotten that part.

“Maybe the goddess will forgive you because you’d have a good reason for it,” Io offered. I understood where Ahyana was coming from but I hadn’t expected this from Io. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, as if she were uncomfortable. “I saw a recipe in here for a contraceptive made of silphium and ground wormwood. It would prevent pregnancy. There wouldn’t be any proof of what you had done. No one would know. We wouldn’t have to worry about the temple guards coming after you if there is no evidence.”

Of the many surprises I had received in the last twenty-four hours, Io supporting me breaking a vow somehow shocked me the most. “I would know. And the goddess would know.”

“Lia has to do what’s right,” Zalira said, reaching over to pat me on the shoulder. “How can she be the savior if she breaks the goddess’s laws?”

That was an excellent point. I had been worrying about seeking the goddess’s favor while knowing that my intentions at the temple were not pure. But the celibacy vow had been very straightforward and I had agreed to it. How could I ask her to save Locris if I went back on my word?

I looked at Suri for her opinion and she shrugged.

Ahyana sighed loudly. I wondered if it bothered her to have an opposing opinion to Zalira. They were usually in agreement about most things. “I vote that you break the link. It would be easy enough to get him to go along with it.”

“He doesn’t see me that way,” I said, feeling embarrassed that I had to admit this to them.

The room went so silent that I could hear everyone breathing.

“What?” Ahyana asked in an incredulous tone, as if I’d taken leave of my senses. Then she started laughing. “Lia, sometimes I worry thatI’msomehow going to wind up pregnant from the way that he looks at you!”

My heart began to thump loudly in my chest, betraying my reaction to her words. “That isn’t true. He just told me that he wanted me to be a ...” What were the words he’d just used? “A sweet, biddable, demure wife.”

Now Io was the one laughing. “That is a bold-faced lie. There is nothing my brother likes more than a challenge.”

“Which Lia most definitely is,” Ahyana agreed. “Those of us who have found people that we have romantic feelings for have been looking for different things. I like a man who is dashing and mysterious. Zalira wants one who is kind and constant. You want someone who is challenging and unpredictable.”

“No, I—”

Io spoke over me. “You need a companion who can hold his own against you. One you can’t outmaneuver or trick or sneak past. He knows who you are and he holds you accountable, even if you don’t like it. You respect his strength and intelligence and loyalty, as he does with you. As I’ve told you, you two are very much alike.”

I opened and closed my mouth several times, unable to respond. They had all completely misread this situation.

“If you married a sailor or a farmer, you’d be bored within a week,” Ahyana added. “You love a good fight and being kept on your toes.”

“Is this what you all think?” I finally found my voice, still disbelieving the words they were saying.

“It’s what we all know,” Io responded quietly while Suri nodded.

They couldn’t do this to me. There were times that I felt like I was only hanging on to my vow by an extremely thin and weak thread. They should’ve been urging me to do what I’d agreed to, not giving me excuses and ways to circumvent it.

“We shouldn’t even be talking about this. If I break my vow, I will get buried alive. It doesn’t matter if priestesses used to get married. It doesn’t matter how much I—” I stopped myself from confessing that I did want Xander, regardless of how much I hated him. I knew how they would read into it. “You shouldn’t be encouraging this. It can’t happen. Io will have to find a way to break it with a potion. End of discussion.”

An awkward silence settled onto the room as we all returned to our books. I no longer wanted to read. I wanted to run away from their opinions that felt too correct and their advice, which I secretly longed to follow. I wanted to hit something with a stick and work out all my aggression and fear and worry.

Zalira must have sensed this, because she leaned in and asked me, “Would you like to go train? We could go to the gymnasium.”