Page 69 of When Ben Loved Jace (He Loved Him #2)

“Merrrow?”

I stop mussing my hair long enough to glance at Samson, who is sitting on the bathroom counter with a quizzical expression.

“Your dad is going on a hot date!” I reply before smoothing down the pale green dress shirt I’m wearing.

When the cat doesn’t seem impressed, I add, “Get this, it’s with a girl.

And she’s already married.” Samson continues to stare.

“All right, fine, it’s only Auntie Allison.

She’s taking me out on a pity date. Are you happy now? ”

Samson flattens his ears.

“Do you want a treat?”

“Meow!”

The cat hops off the counter and rushes out of the bathroom.

I check my appearance once more, hesitating when glancing into the mirror, and think of the last day he appeared in it.

I’ve come to treasure the memory. Jace is a source of happiness to me.

I love him too much to let him become anything else.

I still feel an ache, even though years have passed, but all the good things he embodied are right there alongside the pain.

I head for the bedroom instead of the kitchen, to the framed photo I keep on the nightstand.

Jace is wearing his flight attendant uniform, looking as dashing as ever.

I press my lips to the glass before wiping it clean.

“I don’t remember you smudging this much when we first met,” I say with a chuckle.

And a pang of yearning. “I miss you, baby.”

“Meow!”

“All right!” I holler. When carefully setting the photo down, I address it again. “Now that I know the hardships of being a single parent, I understand why you were so eager to pair up with me. Speaking of which, I’m actually going out tonight. On a straight date! Have fun babysitting.”

I hustle to the kitchen where Samson is pacing in front of his favorite cabinet. After scattering some treats across the kitchen table, I go to the living room and sprinkle catnip on the carpet. That should keep him happy while I’m gone.

I’ve just finished putting on my shoes when someone knocks. I grin, hop up, and throw open the door.

“Hot date!” Allison cries .

“The hottest ever!” I reply gleefully before giving her a hug. Then I lean back to get an eyeful. “You look nice!”

“Especially with your handsome self hanging off me,” she says with a little shimmy. “Let me take a better look at you.”

I scamper back a few steps and do a twirl.

“Not bad,” she says appraisingly. “Although…”

“What?”

“Is the dark-blue shirt clean?”

“I think so. Why?”

“Because you’re pale enough on a good day. A little contrast wouldn’t hurt.”

“Oh my god!” I complain. “I’m glad this isn’t a real date, or we’d be in abusive territory by now.”

Allison sounds concerned when following me to the bedroom. “Do you really think so?”

“Yes. Wait, do you tell Brian what he’s supposed to wear?”

“Umm…”

“Allison!”

“What? You always liked it!”

I spin around to face her. “Yeah, but I’m not your husband.”

“Yet,” she says, pinching my cheek. Then she moves past me to the closet. “Here it is. Put this on instead.”

I comply, but only because she has better taste than me.

“Perfect,” she says with a nod of approval. “Let’s go. I’m hungry. What are you in the mood for?”

“Something cheap. I’m late on the mortgage payment again.”

“Uh oh. Do you need a loan?”

“You mean like the one I still haven’t paid back?” I shake my head while leading the way outside. “Greg and Michelle already offered to help, but I turned them down. I just need to make it to my birthday.”

“So you can wish for a fortune when blowing out the candles?”

“So I can ask my parents for money under the guise of it being a gift.”

“Well, I’m in the mood for Italian. Tonight is on me.”

We sing on the way to the restaurant, using it as an opportunity to rehearse, since we’ll be hitting a karaoke bar after we eat. Brian made us promise to pass out flyers for his theater when we do, thinking it will be good for business .

“You know,” Allison says as we’re perusing the menu. “You’ve really got to ask the hospital for full-time hours. If they won’t give them to you, start searching for someone who will.”

My head shakes. “I can’t afford to lose my job.”

“You literally can’t afford to let them keep dragging you along like this. You’re good at what you do. And you’ve got years of experience now. It’s time to make your move.”

“You just want your money back.”

“Damn right I do!” Allison winks. “What are you gonna get?”

“I’m leaning toward the eggplant parmesan. Oh! And if you feel like spoiling me, some garlic bread.”

“Not a good idea,” Allison murmurs while frowning at the menu. “I hate when they list the calories.”

“What’s wrong with garlic bread?”

“Oh!” She glances up sharply. “We’re going to be sharing a microphone tonight.”

“I’m sure they have more than one.”

“This is supposed to be a hot date,” she reminds me.

I raise an eyebrow. “Is Brian not putting out?”

“As if he could resist my wiles,” she replies with a snort. “Will you judge me if I get the veal parmesan?”

“Harshly.”

“Fine. Fettuccine Alfredo it is.”

The waiter shows up to take our order, and I do a doubletake, because he’s a handsome young man with shaggy brown hair and intense eyes.

Brown instead of blue. I feel a pang of guilt anyway.

I haven’t asked Michelle about Jason recently.

I only know that he was eventually placed with another family.

I still wonder if I should have taken him in, despite everything I was going through, but I was such a mess after Jace died.

It took a long time before I felt like myself again.

And now I simply don’t have the money. Wherever he ended up, I hope Jason is happy.

He was such a great kid. I would have been proud to call him my son. Our son. God that still stings.

“You all right?” Allison asks while studying me.

“Yeah. Just thinking of missed opportunities. And that garlic bread.”

“You’ll live.”

Dinner is a real treat. I don’t get to eat out very often. We’re both feeling a little sluggish when leaving, so we decide to walk to the karaoke bar. By the time we get there, I’m eager to sing with my best friend.

“Would you please consider taking a role in one of Brian’s plays?” I ask while we wait our turn. “We’d have so much fun!”

She shakes her head. “I’ll tell you what I keep telling him. If it isn’t a seven-figure deal, I’m not interested.”

They call our names. We bring down the house. Repeatedly. Brian’s flyers were left in the car, but Allison makes sure to mention his theater after one of our strongest performances.

“This has been a great night,” I say while we’re cooling off between rounds. “I feel like getting drunk.”

Allison shakes her head. “I won’t be drinking again for a long time.”

“Yeah, of course,” I say with a wince of apology. “Sometimes I forget that you’re a lush.”

She laughs and pushes me playfully. “That isn’t why.”

Her smile is especially bright. I gasp when I finally figure out why.

“You’re pregnant?”

She nods. “Yup! We just found out yesterday.”

“And you waited this long to tell me?”

“I wanted one more night of debauchery before I officially enter into chaste motherhood.” She presses her palms together and bows her head, as if praying.

“I’m so excited,” I say while giving her a hug. “You’re going to name the baby after me, of course.”

She makes a face. “What if it’s a girl?”

“Then you can call her Allison Junior. It’s ridiculous that only guys have that option. Come to think of it, if you have a boy, go with Ben Junior instead. Think what a scandal that would cause!”

“I’ll run both ideas by Brian,” Allison says. “We both have the right to veto. Thankfully.”

We’re still talking about her big news by the time we leave the bar. I’m puzzled when she heads the wrong way down the sidewalk. “One more stop,” she says. “On the way back to the car.”

I shrug and follow her. The weather is beautiful. So is she. I’m so excited that she’s going to be a mom!

Allison stops in front of a glowing window. “Have you given any thought to adding another member to your little family? ”

I blink in confusion. “You mean by adopting a second cat?”

“Or you could find someone to spend the rest of your life with.”

I shake my head. This isn’t the first time Allison has broached the subject. She always does so delicately, my answer much more direct. “I’m not interested.”

“Not in the slightest? You’ve got decades ahead of you, Ben. Wouldn’t it be nice to share them with someone?”

“In theory, sure, but that doesn’t mean—” The display through the window catches my eye.

A large painting features rainbow prisms of light.

His signature style. We’re standing in front of a gallery.

People are coming and going from the nearby door, despite the late hour.

There must be a special exhibition. My attention moves back to Allison.

Her expression is pleading with me to be reasonable.

“I can’t,” I croak, taking a step back and shaking my head. “Not after Jace. I just can’t .”

“I understand that you don’t want to meet someone new.” Allison’s tone is sympathetic. “But this is different. You already love Tim. I’m not asking you to start over. Only to keep going.”

I think of all the heartbreak we put each other through. And the invisible force that always brought us back together again.

“I’m sure he’s found someone new by now.”

Allison shakes her head. “Nothing that lasted.”

“Wait, have you talked to him?”

She nods.

“Does he know that I’m here?”

“No. Only that I was going to suggest you stop by. He wants to see you, Ben.”

I still want Jace.

My chin quivers. “I’m not the same person anymore.”

“Maybe he isn’t either,” she says gently. “There’s only one way to find out.”

Allison offers her hand. I take it and allow myself to be led into a place of hope, a familiar feeling stirring inside my heart.

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