Page 23 of When Ben Loved Jace (He Loved Him #2)

Tim’s brow creases. “When we got back that night, the leader of the fraternity made a big deal out of us getting money from Eric. He said some really nasty stuff that’s not worth repeating.

It really pissed me off. I snuck into the office that night and took the check back, so I could give it to Eric.

We got to talking when I did. The rest is history. ”

Tim’s face creases before he turns his head away. There’s clearly more to the story. I haven’t seen him look so hurt in a very long time, and just like the old days, I want to take the pain away. I’m not sure what happened. Only that Travis must have been the one to break his heart.

“Who wants more wine?” Tim asks suddenly, standing to top off our glasses.

“You know,” Eric says after studying him a moment, “you’ve really outdone yourself. You got the meat just right.”

“Yeah?” Tim asks, cautiously optimistic.

“Yeah,” I chime in. “And to think, all that time, I should have been the one spread out on the couch while you cooked for me .”

“Hey, I did have a jacked-up ankle,” Tim says, his tone playful, “ because of you.”

“I always wanted to know,” Eric says, “and please forgive me for asking this, but love makes fools of us all… Was it truly an accident?”

I’m more than willing to engage in some self-deprecation to build up Tim again.

The rest of the meal is much lighter in tone, thanks to my sacrifice, but I don’t have to make anything up.

I was ridiculously obsessed with him, right from the very beginning, but even my stalking had its limits.

I never wanted him to get hurt. Even after it all fell apart.

Eric breaks out a dessert that he’d made earlier, further banishing our sorrows, because there isn’t a hole in anyone’s heart that cheesecake can’t fill.

Once we’ve finished stuffing ourselves, I insist on helping with the dishes, needing to burn off a few calories.

The work is easy. Between the high-powered sprayer attached to the sink and a dishwasher big enough to pull a car into, we get it done in no time.

“I need to take Chinchilla out back to go potty,” Tim says. “Wanna come with me?”

If only.

I agree and follow him outside to the pool I caught a glimpse of earlier. We plop down on deck chairs, enjoying the mild weather, while Chinchilla sniffs her way across the yard.

“It’s so quiet out here,” I murmur. “And you can see way more stars.”

Tim doesn’t respond. When I look at him, his brow is furrowed up again, as if he’s lost in thought. I still have so many questions. Like why he moved in with Eric. How come he doesn’t live at the frat house anymore? And most of all …

“What happened between you and Travis?”

Tim returns to the present and shakes his head. “I don’t want to think about him right now. I’d rather talk about us.”

“Tim…” I say warningly.

“Not like that.” He gestures over his shoulder at the house. “Every time I hear that story about Michael, I get so pissed.”

“Hey, he’s the one who should be upset. Eric is a great guy.”

“Damn right he is, but that’s not what I mean. I get mad at myself .” He thumps his chest. “I should have stood up for you—for what we had—instead of letting fear get in the way. That song you sang at the talent show? You were right. I was a coward.”

I feel a surge of guilt. “I know it probably seemed like I was trying to hurt you, but that wasn’t it. I needed you to know how hurt I was. If that makes sense.”

Tim looks over at me and swallows. “I’m sorry, Benjamin. For all the shit I put you through. Keeping you a secret from my friends, making you duck down when we drove past Krista’s house, taking her to prom…” He grimaces. “Remember when I tried to make up for it?”

I nod. “When you made a little prom just for us at your studio. That was…” Sweet.

Until it wasn’t. He doesn’t need me to voice these thoughts.

He must see it all on my face, because he swings his legs around to face me completely, a hand reaching out, but I can’t take it. Although I do shift to see him better.

“You wanna know what happened that night?” he asks, running his fingers through his hair as if anxious.

“You wanna hear the biggest joke of all? After I kicked you out and fucking shoved you—” His voice cracks on the word.

“I swear I didn’t mean to. Not like that.

I was just so freaked out that the security guard would call my dad and that it would ruin the plan to move here and everything we had together.

I was blinded by that. It’s all I could see, and I didn’t think you’d understand or I’d have time to explain, so I just wanted you to get out of there.

After you were gone, my stupid ass went back inside to tear the rest of the decorations down, so there wouldn’t be any evidence, and guess what?

The security guard comes in and says that he heard back from his supervisor or whatever and that there’s a note in the file explaining that I’m allowed to be there. ”

I finally suck in air, surprised that I was holding my breath. Probably because it was one of the most painful moments of my life. “So what happened?”

“Nothing,” Tim croaks. “He never called my dad. Nobody ever found out. If I had just stood my ground, instead of being a goddamn coward… If I had made you my priority, like I should have…” He shrugs. “Maybe we’d still be together now.”

I swallow, my throat tight as I wipe away a tear that’s trying to break free. He notices and stands.

“I’m sorry, Benjamin,” he says, reaching for me. When he takes my hands I don’t resist, even when he pulls me into his arms, which constrict around my body. “I fucked up.”

I can’t get any words out, barely able to keep my emotions in check. Thank goodness for Chinchilla, who notices us and starts yapping while hopping around our feet.

Tim finally lets go of me. “She always does that,” he says apologetically.

I smile, wanting to show him it’s okay. That includes everything, I guess.

Even the past. There’s so much to process.

I never imagined this moment. Not in all the fantasies I had about him over the years.

In those, I usually came crawling back on his terms. I never thought he would want me just as much.

“We could take Chinchilla for a walk,” Tim suggests. “That usually calms her down.”

I shake my head, already turning away. “I better get home. Allison is probably waiting up for me.”

If the past week is anything to go by, she’s more likely to be drunk and watching old musicals, but I’m willing to use her as an excuse because I need to breathe. That’s the only way I can describe it.

“Cool,” Tim says. “Hey! Now that I know we’re on the same campus, we should grab lunch sometime.”

I nod, because that sounds manageable. When we’re alone together under a night sky like we so often used to be, it feels…

I don’t know. Tempting. I thank Eric for his hospitality before leaving and insist on seeing myself out.

I start to head back to my apartment before I take a sudden turn and drive instead to Jace’s trailer.

Once I’m in his bed, Samson purring in my arms, only then do I feel safe from all the things I’m afraid to admit that I want.