Page 4 of When Ben Loved Jace (He Loved Him #2)

I’m not sure why Jace chose a mall as the location of our first date.

Maybe he wants to lavish me with gifts, which I wouldn’t mind, because money is perpetually tight.

Allison and I opted for an apartment rather than dorm rooms, so we could live together.

That, and it sounded more grown-up. Which it is, complete with a stack of bills that have to be paid each month.

Allison’s dad takes care of her half of the rent, but even then, she often has to cover for the utilities that I can’t afford.

I’m taking the escalator down to the bottom floor when I see Jace.

He hasn’t noticed me yet, allowing me to reassess him.

His blond hair is short on the sides and swept forward in the middle, lifting away from his forehead like a gravity-defying wave.

I’m not sure if he uses any product to achieve this, because his ruffled hair looks appealingly soft.

He’s dressed in a long dark coat that gives him a sophisticated air.

Maybe he picked it up in Paris or New York during his travels.

Even his shoes are classy, polished black leather suitable for formal occasions.

Mine are scuffed trainers, I’m reminded when stumbling at the bottom of the escalator.

An orange hoodie beneath a tweed jacket and jeans make up the rest. My brown hair is long enough to sweep over the top of my ears.

I thought about getting it cut, but this is how I looked when he saw me previously, so I have to assume he likes the style.

I hope Jace isn’t disappointed. He sure is a snappy dresser!

I watch him scan the crowds of last-minute shoppers before he finally spots me. Then he smiles, which is encouraging enough that I do the same. We close the gap, both of us seeming unsure what to do with ourselves. Is a hug appropriate? Or maybe a handshake?

Jace’s sparkling eyes move over me. “You look nice.”

“Thanks! You look amazingly hot!”

He doesn’t seem put off by this praise, which is good, because when I find a guy attractive, I’m not exactly subtle.

“Although…” he says as if reassessing. “I’m a little disappointed that you only have two legs.” He shrugs, as if making peace with the fact. “It’ll save money when it comes to renting skates. ”

I glance over my shoulder at the indoor ice rink. “ That’s why you wanted to meet me here?”

He nods. “Do you know how?”

“I mean, technically. I hope you’ve got good health insurance.”

He laughs.

I do not. “Seriously! I’m going to need you to sign a waiver.”

“I’ll take my chances,” he says with a subtle smile.

God he’s handsome! I’ve mostly only seen him beneath the fluorescent lights at work, always with a counter separating us.

I stay close to him as we approach the skate rental booth.

He smells good, but I don’t think it’s cologne.

The scent is clean, like he took a shower right before coming here.

He’s much taller than me. Most guys are, but he’s above average in height.

Jace catches me staring and doesn’t seem to mind.

I think he likes it, but his attention is torn away by the man in the booth, who asks our shoe sizes. I try not to read into Jace’s answer.

Okay, I totally do, because I hope he has a great big cock.

I know such things don’t matter. I’ve been with guys smaller than me who left me trembling with pleasure.

And I’ve been with a few who were hung and absolutely terrible in the bedroom.

Chemistry and skill count for more than size, but if you’re dreaming, why not go for broke?

Jace insists on paying. We make small talk while pulling on our skates.

I bungle lashing up the laces. Jace notices my struggles and squats in front of me to help.

While doing so, he looks up, his eyes searching mine, and I already want him.

I just love how large he is. Even his head, as silly as that sounds.

I want to place my dainty paws on either side of it, lean forward, and—

“There you go,” Jace says before standing and offering his hand.

I take it eagerly, delighted by how warm and soft it feels wrapped around mine.

I cry out in protest when he lets go of me again, but thankfully, he misinterprets the reason.

“If you’re nervous, you can hold on to me,” he says, bending his arm at the elbow.

“I’m terrified,” I lie when wrapping myself around it.

He isn’t a gym rat, but I do feel some muscle. I’m glad he isn’t scrawny like me. Contrast is a beautiful thing. I rely on him as we hobble toward the ice. “I haven’t been on skates for years,” I warn. “Are you any good?”

“We’re about to find out,” he replies.

I look over in shock. “You’ve never skated before?”

A smile tugs at his cheek. He’s toying with me.

We ease out onto the ice together. I slip almost immediately, clawing at his jacket to stay upright. Jace stabilizes me with his free hand, gripping my shoulder and pulling me closer. Which I like, but I tease him about it anyway. “Now I see why you suggested this.”

“We’re just getting started,” he murmurs.

“That guy at the rental booth seemed to recognize you,” I say as we move forward again. “How many boys have you brought here?”

“Just you,” he assures me. “You’re doing fine.”

It’s all coming back to me. Like riding a bicycle, except I never exactly mastered skating. I manage some momentum. Soon we’re slowly gliding alongside each other, although I still have a death grip on his jacket.

“Do you want to take my hand?” he suggests.

“Yeah!”

His fingers intertwine in mine, which attracts a few stares as we continue around the rink. This doesn’t seem to bother him.

“You’re not in the closet, I take it?”

I’m surprised we made it this far without me having asked, because it’s usually something I want to know upfront. Once bitten, twice shy.

“Only when choosing something to wear,” he replies. “Although if I’m honest, what I have at home is closer to a cupboard, so no. I’m not in the closet. What about you?”

“I was shoved out when I was fourteen. By the time I turned around, the door had shut and locked behind me.

He whistles under his breath, as if impressed. “Fourteen! How did that go?”

“Not so great. I’d been um… playing doctor with some of the other guys in my school.

Although that makes it sound more innocent than it really was.

We were old enough to really uh… Anyway, it was always one-sided.

Not that I cared. I didn’t love any of those guys, but I wanted to, if that makes sense.

When I put a label on my sexuality, I was as good as dead to them.

I didn ’t deny the rumors when they started to spread.

” I meet his eye, wanting him to know how important that detail is to me.

“People expected me to, but I never did. Not once. Which was lonely as hell, for a while at least, but I don’t have any regrets. I’m proud of who I am.”

“Good,” he says, nodding in approval.

“What was it like for you?”

Jace exhales, his eyes losing focus, as if he’s been transported to the past. He doesn’t answer right away.

When he does, his tone is somber. “I figured it out on my own. There weren’t any other guys involved.

I simply knew what I wanted. I wasn’t as proud as you though.

In my mind, being gay was a bad thing. I was convinced I’d never find love or be accepted by my friends and family.

So, when I was sixteen years old, I jumped off a bridge. ”

I clutch his hand tighter, as if to save him from falling. “You tried to kill yourself?”

Jace nods solemnly. “Yeah. There was a river below. I never really understood how that worked when seeing it in movies. Sure it’s a long fall, but ultimately, wouldn’t it be like jumping off a really tall diving board?

I knew how to swim. I guess some part of me didn’t really want to die, or I would have chosen a bridge over land.

As it turns out, swimming is difficult when you’re dressed for cold weather and your clothes are weighted down with water.

The air was knocked from my lungs when I hit the surface.

I just about swallowed half the river while trying to get it back.

I regretted my decision as soon as I’d jumped, but it was too late by then.

Luckily…” His features soften. “Luckily an ornery old man was out fishing. I was his biggest catch that night. He saved me, or I wouldn’t be here now. With you.”

“I need his name and address,” I reply. “So I can send him a gift basket.”

Jace grins. “I might hold you to that.”

“I’m really sorry,” I say, the humor leaving my voice. “I can only imagine how unhappy you must have been to try something so drastic. I wish I could have been there for you.”

“It’s all right. As strange as it sounds, the suicide attempt was a turning point for me.

Everything got better after that. Not just because I realized that I didn’t want to die.

” He hesitates before shaking his head, and I can tell something big is there.

A piece of his history he’s not ready to share yet.

“A lot of good things happened. Life is funny that way. Just when you least expect it—”

My feet slide out from under me as I begin to skitter in place.

I was hanging on so closely to his every word that I lost the rhythm.

I grimace in anticipation of how badly my rump is going to hurt when it slams into the ice, but Jace keeps his grip on my hand while swiftly skating in a sharp half-circle to grab the other.

Just in time too, because I lose my balance completely and slide between his open legs.

He never lets go. Soon I’m staring up at him, my back parallel to the ice.

He’s bending over to support me, my cheeks burning with embarrassment, but at least he saved the other pair from harm.

Jace gently lowers me. “—sometimes you fall. And see the world from a new perspective.”