Page 38 of When Ben Loved Jace (He Loved Him #2)

Eric has his own library! I can hardly believe it.

Shelves line the four walls, expect where windows and a door create breaks.

The center of the room is furnished with a cluster of chairs that all face a coffee table.

I’m in absolute heaven! And exceedingly envious.

I doubt I’ll ever have an entire room dedicated to the same purpose.

Unless I sacrifice my bedroom. That might be worth having to sleep on the floor.

After I browse the extensive selection, Tim excitedly pulls books featuring his favorite artists off the shelves, ranting about each.

Eventually we settle down so I can leaf through them while he sits across from me and sketches.

I love being his model again. And the center of his attention.

That happened so rarely the first time around—just the occasional weekend or two, when his parents were out of town.

Or during Christmas break, which I remember with special fondness because we had an excess of time together.

Like now. Although we’ve already whiled away most of the days.

We haven’t needed the traditional sources of entertainment.

Only each other. Nor do we leave the house.

Anything we could wish for is already here, in a private sanctuary where we make love, share stories about what happened while we were apart, and dream of a distant future together.

We don’t focus on the present much, probably because it’s a little too grounded in reality.

Although we do need to start confronting it.

“Eric comes home tomorrow?”

Tim glances up at me to take in more details. “Yeah, but not ‘til late. He’s actually flying back early from the cruise so he can be at the graduation ceremony.”

I’m not as eager for that day to arrive as I once was. Perhaps because I'll have to figure out what comes next. “Are you going to look for a job soon?”

Tim nods. “I don’t want to keep mooching off Eric. He already pays for everything. I should be paying rent while living here. I know he doesn’t need the money, but I still want to contribute.”

“Can I mooch off him?”

Tim laughs. “He’d probably let you.” His eyes meet mine. “Wanna move in with me?”

He makes it sound like a serious offer. I already know my answer, but it wouldn’t be fair to Allison.

She’d be stuck with my half of the rent and bills.

I don’t want to dwell on my homelife, since I’ve done a masterful job at compartmentalizing the past few days, so I answer him with another question.

“What kind of work are you looking for?”

Tim shrugs and resumes sketching. “Something at an architectural firm, I guess.”

“They’ll be blown away by your passion,” I tease.

He laughs. “It’ll make my parents happy. They paid for my education, so I figure it’s the least I can do.”

“Will they be at the graduation ceremony?”

“Yup.”

“Won’t they be surprised to see me again!”

Tim drops his pencil. His face is burning as he bends over to pick it up. When he resumes sketching, I wait patiently for him to look at me again. But he doesn’t. He’s concentrating awfully hard for something that comes so naturally to him.

“Are you worried about how they’ll react?” I prompt.

“I guess you could say that.”

“Have you brought any boyfriends home to them?”

“Just you.”

“Have they met Eric?”

“No.”

I blink. “Really? Don’t they ever come into town to visit?”

“Yeah. I always meet them somewhere.”

“How come?”

Tim groans in exasperation. “Just let it go. Please.”

“Okay.”

He finally glances at me again, and I understand why he’s been avoiding doing so, because I recognize that look. The mixture of shame and denial. I saw it often enough when we were younger.

“Do they know about Eric?”

Tim sighs and gives up any pretense of working. “No. They think I still live at the frat house.”

I shake my head in confusion. “Why?”

“How was I supposed to explain the reason I got kicked out? Or why I’m living with some old rich guy. What did you assume when you found out?”

“But he’s not just some old rich guy,” I counter. “Eric is your friend. ”

“Yeah. I know he is.”

“So tell them the truth. You already came out. The hard part is over.”

Tim presses his lips together.

My stomach sinks. “You did come out to them…. Didn’t you?”

“I’m out,” Tim says lamely. “To the people who need to know.”

Now it’s my face that’s burning. I shut the book on my lap and toss it on the table.

“Don’t be mad at me,” he says, sounding vulnerable.

“I’m not,” I reply, mostly because I want it to be true. I’m not sure though. Emotions can be funny that way. They tend to show up first at the party. “I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell them.”

“You do,” Tim says. “Even though you don’t like it.”

I clench my jaw. “Because you don’t want your mom to worry that you’re going to Hell?”

He nods sheepishly.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me!” I shoot to my feet. “After all this time?”

“Why does it matter so much to you?”

Logic rings the doorbell, fashionably late. “Maybe because it’s the same reason we broke up the first time?”

Tim launches out of his chair and takes my hands. “Things are different now!”

“Obviously not!”

“They are! I don’t live with them. I’m done with college. They’re not a big part of my life anymore. I’m not gonna let my parents get in the way this time.”

“So what happens at the graduation ceremony?” I ask, already dreading the experience. “Do I have to stay away from you, like a dirty little secret?”

“Maybe we can pretend that…” Tim struggles inside himself until he seems to find some source of strength. “No. Fuck it! I’ll tell them, right then and there, with you at my side.”

“Really?” I ask from around a raw throat.

“Yeah,” he says, silver eyes meeting mine. “I’m not gonna lose you again. I don’t care what it takes. I love you, Benjamin.”

He pulls me into his arms, and I sob against his shoulder. Out of relief, because I don’t want to lose him either.

— — —

I’m melancholy when waking up in Tim’s bed the next morning. Our graduation is a few days away. I can’t ignore the outside world anymore. My parents will want to confirm details. I need to find out when my next shift at work starts.

“Wanna take a shower together?” Tim asks.

“No, you go ahead.”

I watch him pad naked toward the bathroom. He turns around at the door and shakes his hips, making his cock flop around. “You sure?”

“I’ll meet you in there,” I say with a grin.

Once he’s gone, I power on my phone. There are quite a few text messages from my parents, as expected. And a couple from Allison.

I hope you know what you’re doing.

That was sent in reply to me saying I’d be gone for a few days. The next one from her is more recent and sympathetic.

When you get a chance, let me know that you’re still all right.

I reply to that one immediately.

I’m doing good. I’ll be home later today.

When I check my other notifications, my stomach clenches when I discover a message from Adrien. It’s a long one too.

I regret what I said to you in the driveway.

I shouldn’t have let my personal history with Jace color my opinion.

If you’ve ever kicked a puppy (I’m not saying I have, nor am I denying it) that’s how he looks lately.

I don’t think Jace cheated on you. He wasn’t willing to admit his infidelity to me until you came along, if only to spare my feelings, but he never lied about it either.

At least he had the decency to end our relationship after it happened.

That’s how I see things now. Jace has always been an honest man.

If he says that he doesn’t know this Aaron person, I believe him.

The message was from two days ago. Adrien didn’t follow up to press the point. He didn’t need to. It’s powerful enough testimony to make me doubt everything again, because if Jace doesn’t know Aaron, who does?

My gaze moves to the nightstand where Tim’s phone rests.

I look at Chinchilla, who watches me with complete trust. Do I really want to do this?

Wouldn’t it be better to remain Tim’s beloved pet?

I’m honestly not sure, but I grab his phone anyway, punch in my birthdate, and navigate to his contacts.

There’s a long list of people that I don’t recognize.

My stomach sinks, because two of them are named Aaron.

Of course I don’t have any way of easily figuring out if either of them are the same guy.

Not without the note… which Tim made sure to burn.

Although I did send a photo of it to Allison.

I pick up my phone again, my heart racing as I navigate to that message.

After glancing back and forth between screens a few times, I feel a little queasy, because there it is.

A match. Maybe it’s a coincidence. Probably not.

After making sure I can still hear the shower water running, I use Tim’s phone to call the number.

“Hey!” It’s the same voice. No surprise there.

“This isn’t Tim,” I say. “It’s Jace’s boyfriend again. Tim told me everything. He said it was okay to call you, because I’m having a hard time trusting anyone right now.”

“Okay,” Aaron replies, sounding uncomfortable. “What do you want to know?”

I need confirmation. I basically already have that, but there can be no room for doubt. “I guess what I want to know most, is why you did it.”

Aaron sighs. “I needed the money.”

My stomach sinks. There it is. “So you never slept with Jace?”

“I’ve never even met him before. Can I go now?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

I hang up, my head spinning. I ruined everything. And for what?

“Hey!” Tim says, reappearing with a towel around his waist. I can barely bring myself to look at him. “What’s taking so long?”

He notices that I’m holding his phone.

“Did I miss a call or something?”

“Yeah. It was Aaron.”

Tim blinks. “Who?”

“Don’t you dare!” I snarl, loud enough to send Chinchilla scurrying off the bed. “I’m not bluffing. I talked to him! You paid him to…”