Page 34 of When Ben Loved Jace (He Loved Him #2)

I do finish my thesis, if only because I need something to escape into.

I’m so exhausted after turning it in that I crash, my dreams mercifully elusive.

When I finally wake, I lay there in puzzlement until events of the previous day—or whenever—come rushing back to me, anxiety and grief accompanying the memories.

I wallow in despair until my growling stomach forces me from bed.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I ate anything.

I trudge to the kitchen, see that it’s past noon, and sit at the kitchen table while morosely consuming a bowl of cereal.

I take a bath next, wanting to soak away the pain.

Is it really over? Jace and I are taking a break, but does that mean we’ve broken up?

I can’t believe he cheated on me! Did I deserve that?

He told me to come find him when it’s all over. And that he loves me.

Once the water cools, I get out, put on some clothes, and move around the apartment, trying to engage in different activities.

My thesis has been turned in. I’m finally free.

This should be a good day. And yet, I’m too burned out to read.

Music depresses me, since way too many songs are about love.

The television fails to hold my attention.

I wish Allison was home. I don’t even know what’s going on with her lately.

Has her dad found a house here yet? Does she have any solid plans after graduating?

I’m a shitty friend. And a bad boyfriend.

I go to my bedroom, locate Aaron’s note, and take it to the living room.

I reread it obsessively, convinced at times that I’m being an idiot, and at others that I’ve been terribly wronged.

I wish I had an excuse to go to Jace’s trailer, just to be close to him, even though I know he isn’t home.

I already sent Adrien a text, asking him to look after Samson until I figure out everything.

He agreed without complaint. Because he’s getting what he wants? I don’t know anymore.

The front door to the apartment opens. Allison is back! I resist the urge to chase her down, knowing that I'll be unsufferable in my neediness. I give her space to arrive first. Even when she walks into the living room, I put on a hollow smile for her benefit and rise to give her a hug.

“You’ve returned to the land of the living!” she says.

“Yeah! I finally got the damn thing turned in.”

“Good job, Ben! You know what this means?”

“We did it.”

“No more formal education!” Allison sings while doing a little jig. “We have to celebrate!” She seems to remember everything I’ve been going through. “Although that can wait until after graduation. How are you doing?”

“Fine,” I say, not wanting to be a burden. “I miss you. Tell me what’s been going on.”

“Weeeell,” she says leadingly, as we sit on the couch while facing each other. “Remember that fine brother working the bar at the water park?”

“Yeah! Did you go on a date with him?”

“Yup! And guess what we have in common? Absolutely nothing. Even in the bedroom, but I gave him a few tries, because the boy is hung. I mean like…” She holds her hands out in demonstration.

“But he doesn’t know what to do with it?”

“Not a clue! And he’s not a fast learner either.”

I pump her for tawdry details. Allison enjoys casual flings more than I do, although at the moment, hooking up with someone sounds appealing to me.

If only to fill the emptiness. In more than one way, I suppose.

Maybe that would balance things out between me and Jace.

He slept with Aaron. I’ll sleep with someone else.

Then we’ll be on the same level and can move on.

“So how did things play out with that note?” Allison asks, no doubt reading my expression.

“I don’t know,” I say dismissively. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

She sees straight through this. “Uh-oh. What happened?”

I swallow, struggling to get the words out. “Jace and I are taking a break.”

The floodgates open. I tell her everything. Allison listens carefully, only interrupting on occasion to ask a question. At the end of it all, she leans back, confident when rendering her verdict.

“Tim is behind this.”

I stare in shock. Wasn’t she listening? “He doesn’t know where Jace lives! Or about the trailer! And even if he did—”

Allison raises her palm to cut me off. “Tim did this to you. I don’t know how exactly, but he found a way. Think about it, Ben.” She grabs the note off the coffee table. “Isn’t it all a little too convenient? ”

“Not for me it isn’t.”

“Aaron acknowledges that he wasn’t supposed to stop by unannounced. So why did he leave a note? That isn’t exactly discreet.”

“Because it’s romantic. I leave notes for Jace, and most of the time, I’m there when he gets them since I drive him home from the airport! And besides, Aaron didn’t realize that I was in the picture.”

Allison shakes her head, unconvinced. “So he goes knocking on Adrien’s door instead of simply sending Jace a text message? Or better yet, calling him to see if he’ll be home soon?”

“Maybe he did. I don’t know.”

“If that’s the case, why didn’t Jace have a good cover story planned? He could have claimed they were friends or coworkers.”

“I didn’t give him the chance,” I say after trying to remember how the phone call went. “I mentioned the note right away.”

“And another thing,” Allison says while examining it. “Why did Aaron feel the need to leave his phone number? Are you telling me that Jace gave this guy his address, but didn’t exchange digits with him? The man isn’t an idiot. That’s not how you go about having an affair.”

“Maybe he wanted me to find out,” I retort. “To get back at me.”

“Hmm,” Allison says, feigning contemplation.

“That does sound like something Jace would do.” She drops the act and takes my hand.

“I’m not trying to rub salt in the wound, hon.

I’m really not. I don’t want this to be true.

But as your friend, I’d be doing you a disservice if I didn’t tell you my honest opinion, and my gut says you’re being played. Think about it. Okay?”

I nod before intentionally moving on to other subjects.

I learn that her dad is closing on a house, which makes me happy for her.

And for myself, because it’ll be like having family in town for both of us.

We joke about trying to get my parents to move here when they retire.

My attempt to behave like my world isn’t falling apart is pulled off with such skill that I almost fool myself.

But when Allison wants to watch one of her favorite singing competition shows, I grab the note and excuse myself before retreating to my room.

Maybe she’s right. It is a little contrived how Aaron showed up, made sure he would be seen, and left all the information I would need to cast judgement on Jace, even providing his phone number in case I had follow-up questions.

Which I did. Then again, Allison has never had the highest opinion of Tim, going so far as to keep his enrollment at our school a secret from me.

She’s probably scared that this whole mess will push me back into his arms. At the moment, I’m too broken up over Jace to even consider that. But once I’ve healed…

My stomach sinks. Tim has a motive. I can’t ignore that if I’m being honest with myself.

If he is playing some sort of sick game, I want to find out now, before it’s too late to fix things with Jace.

I grab my phone, but a call isn’t reliable enough.

I need to look Tim in the eye when I ask if he’s behind this, and I’m sure as hell not going to give him advance warning.

I leave the apartment five minutes later. I drive straight to his house, march to the front door, and hammer on it with my fist. I hear Chinchilla barking from inside. I hope Tim answers. I don’t want Eric to see me like this, because I’m angry. At the right person this time.

“Hey!” Tim says when the door swings open. He looks genuinely surprised to see me. And vulnerable as he closes the door behind him. The last time we met, I’d told him it was the end. He starts to say something before choking up.

I feel it too. The relief in seeing each other again. All the pent-up emotions so desperate for release. Like a current inside each of us wanting nothing more than to connect. Does it really matter if the accusations are true or not? Isn’t it better this way?

I almost give in. Then I think of Jace, and all the love he’s shown, and it gives me enough strength to brandish the note.

“What is this?” I demand.

Tim takes the note from me, his brow furrowed up in confusion as he reads it. Then he looks up sharply.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

It almost sounds like a confession.

“Did you do this?” I demand.

Tim searches my eyes. Then he sighs. “If that’s what you’re here for…” He hands the note back and shakes his head.

“Do you swear to God?” I challenge, knowing how important such things are to him. “I need you to say it, Tim. Don’t just shake your head. I need to know for sure. Did you put someone up to this? Did you have Aaron leave the note on Jace’s door?”

Tim’s chest heaves a few times. Then he squares his jaw and looks me right in the eye. “I swear to God that I didn’t have someone put that note on Jace’s door, and that I wasn’t involved with it in any way.”

The fight goes out of me. Tim wouldn’t lie. Not with his immortal soul on the line. To him, Hell is a very real place. Which can only mean that it’s true. Jace cheated on me. The hand clutching the note drops to my side. A sob escapes my lips. My heart is breaking.