Page 69 of Two Daddies for Little Jenna

"Look at you, apologizing when you did nothing wrong. Oh, sweet Jenna. Don't be so nice to me. You're only making what I'm about to say so much harder for me."

"What's going on, Daddy?" She asked innocently. "What's on your mind?"

Her Daddy's eyes narrowed in suspicion as he gave me a death stare. He was always on high alert, so he probably knew where this was going.

"It is a fact that I almost got you killed, and it wasn't even the first time." Tears formed in my eyes and I was shaking. "It's what I do, lead loved ones to their death without even knowing it. I haven't told you this, but I led my best friend, Bradley to his death. He was like a brother to me long before I convinced my parents to adopt him. When my ex broke up with me, I was devastated and didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to do anything to numb the pain, so I convinced Bradley we fulfill our lifelong dream of joining the army. He was married by then, so he told me it wasn't his dream anymore. But no, I convinced him it was what I needed, to have him by my side through this tough time. And when he was shot right before me? He died in my arms and I could do nothing to save him. Absolutely nothing. His death anniversary's right around the corner, and the guilt of getting him killed has always been eating away at me. It was why I drowned myself in work, to numb the pain of what I had done. But then you came into my life and everything was going so well, but there's always that voice in my head that says I'm a murderer, and a coward for not being able to face his widow yet. His last words forever echo in my head on repeat.I don't want to die. I'll never get to see my son.The anniversary's such a strong reminder of how things will turn out if I'm anywhere near you or your Daddy. I'll make decisions that'll get you killed, just like I got Bradley killed."

Jenna's eyes widened at the sudden realization of where this was headed, her lower lip beginning to tremble. "What are you trying to say, Daddy?"

I held my head in my hands, my elbows resting on my knees as tears ran down my cheeks.

"What I'm saying is, Bradley's death continues to haunt me because I was responsible. I can't have another death of a loved one on my conscience. I know for a fact I'll get you killed. The only way to keep you safe is by removing me out of your life."

"Daddy, no!" Jenna began sobbing, taking deep breaths between her sobs. "You said you loved me. You promised to take care of me and protect me. How can I live without my Daddy?"

"Gods, no. I'm not breaking up with you. We just need to take a break until the masked man is caught. Trust me, Jenna. I'm no good at keeping anyone safe. I only put them in danger. I'm doing this because I love you and because I can't let you die because of my bad decision-making. This is the only way."

Clark looked like he was about to lunge at me any minute, grinding his teeth as he saw his precious girl crying her eyes out.

"I've heard enough of this," Clark snapped, causing Jenna to jump in her seat. "You want to take a break and get back when the danger's gone. How fucking convenient for you. Look at our sweet girl, Nick. Just look at her. She's devastated that you turned out to be nothing like the Daddy she thought you were. And that too right after she was about to give up her life just so your life would be spared. This Little girl was ready to go through hell for us, but thank God you revealed your true colors. There are Daddies out there who disappear at the first sign of things getting difficult. I never thought you were one of them. Love is hard work. You can't just abandon your Little girl when she needs you the most and get back when things are rosy again. A Daddy and a Little girl's relationship is supposed to be pure and everlasting. You say you regret you couldn't save Bradley's life. Well, your Little girl is right here and alive, scared and looking up to you for courage and guidance. She only asks one thing, to have her Daddies by her side, because she knows everything will be alright if she does. Mark my words, Nick. If something were to happen to this angel, you'll regret you didn't do anything to prevent it, just like you regret not preventing Bradley's death."

Maybe he was right. Maybe I would regret not doing anything to keep Jenna safe. I was too consumed by Bradley's death to think straight, and too paranoid. But the facts remained. I was responsible for Bradley's death, and I almost got us killed in a car explosion.

Even when my mind was preoccupied with Jenna, Bradley's last words continued to echo in my mind on repeat. Knowing I was fully responsible for leading him into the situation only made my resolve stronger that I was doing the right thing.

I don't want to die. I'll never get to see my son.

Clark's words only made Jenna sob harder, gasping between her sobs as she rubbed an eye with her fist. "Please, Daddy Clark. You'll stop fighting if you love me. Leave Daddy Nick alone. His friend’s death was hard on him. You're only making him feel worse by saying mean words."

"You hear that?" Clark barked and lowered his voice when Jenna stuck her lower lip out in a pout. "You broke her heart in a million pieces and she's still worried about you. That's the Little girl you're refusing to protect. You took an oath to be with her through thick and thin when you became her Daddy."

When Clark looked down at her, he looked the saddest I'd ever seen him. "Daddy's sorry, sweetheart. I won't yell at him anymore. Promise. But don't you see? He doesn't want to be your Daddy anymore. A real Daddy would never abandon his girl like this. I shouldn't have trusted him with your heart. I should've known he'd break it. I was just blinded by how happy he made you. The truth is it's always been just the two of us, and always will be. You know your silly old Daddy. I'd die before I let anything happen to you, so you'll be fine without him. Now, take deep breaths and put on a smile. No matter how many troubles and worries life throws at you, I'll always be there to shield you from it."

Jenna followed her Daddy's instructions and took a few deep breaths to calm herself down, finally throwing her arms around him and burying her face in his chest.

The truth was my heart had broken into a million pieces too. Circumstances had forced me to abandon her. I would miss her sweet face and everything about her every single day. All I could think about was that I wouldn't get to feel the warmth of her body, wouldn't get to hear her giggle when I did silly voices reading her one of my books. Wouldn't get to sing her favorite lullaby to calm her down when she cried, and wouldn't get to take her to our secret spot in the park. I was doing everything in my power to not burst into tears.

"Come on, sweetheart." Clark stroked one of her pigtails before picking her up in his arms and standing up as she began sucking on her thumb. "Let's go back to our home. Time heals all wounds. You'll forget all about Nick like a bad dream."

"I meant what I said. I still love you, Jenna. Always will. I'll be back in your life as I promised once you're safe. You'll see when all this is over. You don't have to leave. I'll pack my things and stay at a hotel. It's the least I could do. I don't want you to be in danger by going back toourhome."

She wasn't even looking at me, and it caused my heart to drop in my stomach. Her face was red and her cheeks were stained with tears. She looked about ready to fall asleep from all the stress. I deserved the silent treatment. I knew very well how this looked.

"It isn'tourhome anymore," Clark bit back. "Not after today, it isn't. The officer said he's sending over two armed men to keep Jenna safe. Not that you care, but we'll be fine returning to our home."

Chapter 30: Jenna

It had been a few weeks since Daddy Nick chose to - in his words - remove himself out of my life for my own good. I still hadn't gotten used to not having him around. Each morning I woke up with a smile on my face, my eyes searching for both my Daddies. But I only got to see Clark's, realizing what had happened as my smile faded.

I spent my days daydreaming about Nick. Gone were the days when I was lost reliving my time in the basement. Not having Daddy Nick in my life hurt much more. Nothing like bigger trauma to get your mind off earlier trauma. I had become a robotic version of the bubbly Little girl I once was. I put on a fake smile and played with my toys, read books, and built tower blocks with my Daddy, but I was always very conscious of the fact that one of my Daddies didn't want to be with me anymore. It didn't matter it was to keep me safe. It only mattered that it was my mistake for possessing unusual baggage.

I couldn't let Daddy Clark know that I blamed myself. Despite the harsh words Clark told him, it wasn't really Daddy Nick's fault that he hadn't fully processed his best friend, Bradley's death. Nick was hurting badly blaming himself for Bradley's death, and there was nothing I could do to help him.

Now Clark and I were under the giant tree in the park on a sunny evening. Nick had shared his secret place with me, and though there was danger of running into him here, the place was the closest I felt to having Nick by my side. His absence still hurt, but somehow not as much when I felt his presence through the giant tree.

Clark lazily ran fingers through my hair as I rested my head in his lap while he sat up against the tree.

I closed my eyes and let the light through the leaves warm up my face. It felt just as warm as the evening Nick first showed me this place. It felt like it was just yesterday. In fact, with my eyes closed, I could almost pretend he was with me right now. I could so vividly imagine his bright red hair and his warm smile. It was like I was transported back in time.