Page 8 of This Blood That Breaks Us (This Blood That Binds Us, #3)

Six

Zach

I wondered what Ashley would think if she could see where I’d ended up. She loved a man who could dress. At least I had that going for me.

I never thought I’d meet a girl I’d want to marry till I met her. And that day was unforgettable.

We had the same homeroom teacher freshman year of high school. The only thing I knew about her then was that her dad had money; she got driven to school in a nice car and always had on jewelry, like her favorite diamond earrings.

Ashley sat in front of me every day, and I didn’t say a word, resolving to ignore her. I didn’t resent people with more money than me, more like I couldn’t relate to them. We lived in different worlds. So I’d stare at the back of her neck and wonder how the hairdresser cut her bobs so straight.

The bell rang and we’d gone through the doorway at the same time, and our shoulders bumped.

“Do you wanna let me through, princess?”

“Excuse me?”

“Did you expect me to roll out the red carpet for you or something?”

Okay, I’d resented her a little.

“What the hell is your problem?”

“I don’t know. Spoiled rich girl. What do you think it is?”

To my surprise, she pushed me into the lockers while locking eyes with me. “You don’t know anything about me, so don’t act like you do.”

I couldn’t respond through my shock.

Luke appeared behind her. “Hey, Ash, you good? Is my brother bothering you?”

Of course Luke was friends with her. That was before she became best friends with Sarah. Mr. Popular could have any girl he wanted. Because unlike me, he wasn’t an asshole. The girls literally flocked to him. I think knowing he didn’t date made them more desperate to try to change his mind.

“I can handle it. ” She scowled at me, then moved away. “Thanks, though.”

She winked at my brother as she left.

My mouth hung open as she walked away. “Holy shit.”

“Uh-oh.” Luke knew the look in my eye.

“She’s . . . ”

“Too good for you.” Luke smiled. “Which means she’s exactly your type.”

“You gotta get her to talk to me again.”

“Well, be nice. Have you tried that?”

“Shut up.”

If Ashley could see me now, she’d probably slap me. She’d hate the person I was choosing to be. She’d never forgive me. Because by doing this, I was betraying her and myself, but more importantly, I was betraying Sarah.

Ash had wanted the four of us to go to college together, and sometimes, I wondered what would have happened if we had.

The college gig wasn’t really my thing. I could forget sometimes and play my role as the college fuck boy, but Luke and I differed from everyone around us. Not just because of the vampire issue. I couldn’t shake the feeling we weren’t meant to be there. Like we didn’t fit.

I scoffed at the thought. Fuck fate.

Sometimes, I missed certain parts—like the way most people had nothing to worry about with their petty fights about stealing girls and failing classes. There was something therapeutic about getting drunk and listening to it all. I’d gone out of my way to take the most useless classes possible. One being an entire class on the study of Dante’s Inferno and the Theology of Hell . I took it as a joke, but somewhere in there, I enjoyed the distraction.

Dante’s self-inserted story sounded like something I’d do. Make myself look blameless while deep in my core, I was a prick.

The coldness of reality brought me back to the present in my concrete prison.

I dodged another one of Sirius’s punches but caught the tail end of a kick that sent me flying into the wall. The fucker didn’t hold back. Ever.

“Can we take a break? How long have we been doing this for?”

The whole day could have gone by and I’d have no way of knowing. My body never tired and there was never an ache in my muscles, but mentally, I was drained. There were no windows, and our training was nonstop. It was a blank slate of concrete on all sides. The main purpose being to paint the walls in black blood.

I scraped myself off the floor for what had to be the hundredth time. It was a new type of torture. Sirius had chosen me as his prize fighter—the guy loved to fight. I loved fighting too until I realized how unfun it was being locked in a room with someone way stronger than myself.

“No.” Sirius came at me again, and I braced for impact.

“Well, I’m fuckin’ tired of this.”

He backhanded me across my forehead.

“Ow.”

He wasn’t even trying to hurt me; he was just that strong.

“You’re such a child.”

I rolled my eyes. Everyone was a child compared to his old ass.

“Come on, I don’t want to keep doing this. I need a break.”

“Luke is fine.” He said it too quickly, knowing exactly what I was thinking about. “Now, get up.”

I didn’t want to. Not without proof. I planted my ass on the ground. “Prove it, then.”

Sirius sighed, pulled out his phone, and started typing something. “You need to be properly trained. Your break sent you back years.”

“I’m sure you’ll catch me up in no time. Since you love torturing me.”

He laughed. “You’re so pathetic. Don’t worry, we all had this phase. You’ll get over it.”

He finally said something that piqued my interest.

“All of you hated this place at first?”

“Well, almost. We all had our own journeys. Akira, on the other hand, he was happy from the start.”

At the mention of his name, my heart ached. He needed to die. He deserved it, but it felt like a loss even to me.

“Are you pissed at me for killing him?”

Sirius smiled. “No, because She knew our day was ending. It’s how this works.”

“Who was the first?”

“Ezra, as you know him. His name used to be different. All of us have changed names at one point or another. You will too, I’m sure. Ezra knew Her when She was a mortal. Then came Akira, and lastly, my brother and I completed Her Guard. She said we were the perfect blend of differences and similarities. All coming from different walks of life but destined to come together for a common goal: to serve Her.”

“Did you hate sharing Her attention?”

“No. We were all destined for our roles. Like you and your brothers.”

I gave him a warning look, refusing to believe my brothers would be part of this.

He scoffed, probably knowing he could kick my ass any day of the week. “You’ll accept your role here soon enough. And when you do, you’ll know true peace.”

“I don’t know. I get major blood orgy vibes from you guys, and I don’t think I need to tell you how that’s not fucking happening with me and my brother.”

Sirius threw his head back on a boisterous laugh. “You don’t know what you’re missing. You have no idea. Your relationship with Her will be different than what we’ve had. You’re so young, you can’t even imagine how a few years with Her will change you.”

So, changing was part of it.

“Plus, I don’t think that would be wise with Luke. I’ve never seen anyone drink as much blood as him and stay sane, let alone so normal.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, especially after Akira’s stunt. I don’t know how he does it.”

From what I could tell, it was sheer force of will. And Luke had the strongest will of anyone I’d ever met.

“How does it affect you?” he asked.

“I feel the same, mostly. Is it different for different people?”

“Yes. Her blood is a divine gift given to us so She knows our weaknesses and strengths, and it allows us to form a stronger bond. She helps us overcome.”

I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant.

“The bond has got to be eating you a bit. It used to be like that for us.”

“With the queen?”

“No, your brother. The bond that only comes from sharing Her blood together.”

“Yeah, it hurts. Like all the fucking time.”

“Akira talked about it sometimes. He felt your connection.”

“So you’re part of that connection, then?”

“Not anymore. Ezra and I are connected to Her still in a different way than you and your brother. It’s all about the blood. The more of Her blood you drink, the closer you feel. There are all levels to it. But that’s not the only factor of The Guard. Your connection with Luke automatically makes your blood connection stronger with the bond.”

“You felt that too, then? Before you became a trio.”

Sirius grew quiet. “Yes. Eros was my brother. Back when all four of us were connected by Her. I can’t explain to you the . . . euphoria. The power. There was nothing we couldn’t do together. But when The Legion attacked, it was never the same. The connection between us was broken no matter how hard we tried. We couldn’t mend it. It tore us apart until Ezra and I were able to shut ourselves off from the bond completely. Akira was disappointed. He liked the bond. Craved it. Having you two to feel and agonize over your pain was a treat for him.”

“Bastard,” I said, feeling that familiar ache of watching him die.

Sirius showed me his phone with a message from Ezra. He was with Luke on the other end of the castle. He’d even sent a blurry photo of my brother and Connell. Probably giving that tour he’d offered us. I was happy I didn’t get sucked in.

I sighed, bringing myself back to my feet. “Alright. Hit me.”

I think I was in that room for a full twenty-four hours. It was blissful in a way. This place didn’t feel real but also felt like my true reality. The one I’d been waiting for to finally find me.

“Good work.” Sirius followed me as I opened the door. “Come with me. I want to show you something.”

When I opened the door, Will was waiting in that stupid white outfit from where I’d left him when we entered. Teasing him about that would be fun.

“Holy shit. You’ve been out here the whole time?” I asked.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at Will, and Will’s features soured.

He rolled his eyes and bowed. “Of course, oh Glorious Chosen One. I’ve been assigned to you which means where you go, I go.”

I couldn’t hide my shit-eating grin. “Fuck. This is entertaining.”

“Come. We don’t have all morning.”

Sirius led us down a corridor, and Will mouthed obscenities at me. He led us through the garden. The sun had passed the horizon and illuminated the sparkling snow that covered the rose bushes in the garden. We passed a large set of tall hedges that Sirius mentioned was a labyrinth. What they needed that for, I didn’t know or care to ask. The air was cold, and there were bits of snow left on the ground. In the distance, was a two-story building of what looked to be an old church.

Sirius stopped us at the door when we arrived and glared at Will. “Stay.”

“Oh fuck, please don’t leave me out here for the day again.”

“Why can’t he come?” I asked.

“Because he’s an outsider. And this place is sacred. We won’t be long. Take off your shoes.”

I gave Will a sorry nod and complied. I liked hanging out with Sirius. It was different from Ezra. Ezra was complicated and confusing, but Sirius’s goal was always clear. He wanted me to be the strongest so I could protect Her. There was no hidden agenda. He didn’t try to be fake nice or parent me, he just wanted to make me better.

It was a church. There were no crosses, but pews lined the back and rows of lit candles led to an altar.

“The candles in this building always stay lit for Her.”

“What is this place?”

“It’s the place where it all began for Her, where the human vessel was born.”

On the ground was a blood stain, and at the far end of the room, sat a mural of Her. It had been hand-painted onto the wall. Black and white. But instead of the light eyes I knew, the eyes on the mural were black and dripping.

Taking a step back, I could smell it. “It’s . . . blood.”

“Yes, art for Her. Of Her and Her magnificence. Hand-painted.”

Sometimes, I forgot I was in a cult. Truly, I forgot. These people seemed normal enough until I saw something like the blood mural, then it made me wonder how I could forget.

“What exactly do you do in here?”

“We pray.”

“To the wall?”

“Just get on your knees.”

I sighed but did as he said.

“Do you have a god you pray to?”

“No, I don’t believe in anything. Or anything that cares.”

“She cares for you.”

“Doubt that.”

“You’re blinded by your own self. If She didn’t, She’d have gutted your friends in front of you.”

“I’m supposed to give kudos for not killing my friends?”

“Your friends murdered a member of our Guard and caused you to be in this very position. Did you ever think of that? If Eros wasn’t dead, you’d never have been called on the true path.”

“Lucky me.”

“Shut up and close your eyes.”

“And do what?”

“Be quiet and think of Her. See what She brings you.”

What a load of crap. I’d somehow escaped the hell of normal church and landed back in one. Mom was a believer. She’d wanted us all to believe, but her faith only made me want to believe less. Mom got nothing from her prayers. She was always exhausted, and her life was hard. She could never catch a break. If she had a real god, he never listened.

“Just feel. Listen.”

Nothing. I heard only the flickering flames and William’s pacing outside in the snow.

“This is stupid.”

“Can you take this seriously?”

“Come on. I’m sitting on my knees on this dusty floor in the cold, staring at what might be the creepiest fucking painting in the world. I’m being as serious as I can. This is me giving effort.”

He grabbed my hand and placed it on the ominous dried blood on the floor.

“Listen. Don’t talk.”

I decided to try because I had nothing else better to do. And because I felt bad William was outside waiting for me to pray to a wall.

I thought of Her. Focusing first on the way She looked. Her soft long white hair. What it would feel like to comb my hands through it, finding my way to Her hips. Her thighs. Her lips. What it might feel like to brush my fingers across Her bare stomach and up to Her chest. If this was praying, it felt like a sin to want Her like I wanted Her. It was easy not to think about it with all the changes, but there in the silence, it was absolute. I let out a breath and thought of how She made me feel. Like shit. Angry. Unwanted. Maybe I wanted Her to look at me like She looked at Luke.

Darling.

I stumbled back. “Wait, what was that?”

“Relax.” Sirius steadied me. “It’s alarming at first. But you’ll get used to the strangeness of it all.”

I scoffed. “You say that like this is going to be happening again.”

“We will come every morning before the sun is up to pray. To ensure we keep on The Divine Path. When we pray, we invite The Divine into our bodies and minds. It gives Her strength. It gives us purpose.”

“Oh fuck. That sounds terrible. I’m going to pass on that one.”

Sirius smiled as he got up and dusted off his clothes. “You say that like you have a choice. This task is nonnegotiable, I’m afraid. When I’m gone, I need to know this place will be maintained and taken care of. Prayer is an important part of maintaining a bond with Her and keeping the strength of The Guard and our family.”

“Again, lucky me.”

Sirius stayed smiling. I think I was growing on him.

So what if I wanted Her? Dante didn’t think lust was that big of a deal anyway.