Page 55 of This Blood That Breaks Us (This Blood That Binds Us, #3)

Forty-Six

Zach

It was worse than limbo. Hell dragged me down into its depths, and I shackled myself to the comfort of my bed to stop it from destroying me completely. It was the only thing that was solid. It never moved. Someone came in every day to put on new sheets even if I didn’t use them. Connell came in every couple of hours to give me updates, scribble in his notepad, and try to get me up, but he never gave me a good reason to.

I stared up at the stupid skylight in the ceiling and shielded myself with a pillow. Fuck the stars.

How much longer could I feel sorry for myself? I had forever, so a pretty long time.

I talked to myself too much, but Luke had barely mumbled a word over the last few days. I could pretend like I didn’t care, but who was I kidding? This was my fault. My brother had turned into a lunatic because I didn’t try harder to get us out. I didn’t want this, though.

I’m such a dumbass. I was the worst kind. The kind who should have known better and instead laid around and let things happen. I’d thought I was fighting, but I hadn’t fought hard enough. Luke would have. If our positions were switched, he would have done things differently. He’d have fought.

I wanted to spend every day of my eternity thinking about what a fuck up I was. I’d already spent all night doing that, sitting with Will in his cage while he begged me to let him out and called me every obscenity when I didn’t.

I hadn’t accepted it yet; all I could do was replay the last thing he’d said to me over and over again.

I should have saved them. If Will were there, he’d have been pissed I didn’t keep my promise.

Someone is coming. They’re coming.

Was Thane right? Was someone coming to save us from hell?

It was just me and the bond. Party of one. I’d taken death over the pain of the bond any day. Existing hurt because there was no one left to share the pain. There was no point in getting up or trying.

I didn’t even notice when the sun came up and went again.

I was supposed to teach in the yard and start my official duties and pick my prized fighters and all that shit, but I didn’t go. There was a knock on my door, and I folded my arms over my chest. I wouldn’t open the door. I would sulk. The one thing I was good at. Sulking. Killing. Being a shit brother. Ezra never said how I’d spend my time, and I wanted to spend it staring at nothing. Those fucks could make me stay here, but they couldn’t make me use my legs to get off the bed. I chuckled at the thought of Ezra trying to drag me, but knowing that bastard, he’d probably try to threaten me with something. Too bad all my nightmares had already come true. Everything bad that could happen, had happened.

There was nothing left even if The Legion came.

Luke appeared, and I braced myself for the pain.

“Come on.” He towered over me.

“I don’t wanna.”

“We need you. Now get up.” I let my brother help me up.

“You still mad at me?”

“No.” The new Luke wasn’t a fun conversator.

He headed for the hallway, and I followed.

“I was gonna ditch today.”

That made him pull his shoulder back like he was going to challenge me. “Can’t you do something you’re told for once?”

“Fine, Mr. Terminator. Who shit in your cereal?”

“It will probably go better if you don’t talk.”

“Fine by me.”

Fuck. The pressure in my chest surged. I’d finally reached the part of hell that hurt, and I couldn’t bury it. Thane was right. It was a bad dream, and any minute now, someone would show up on our doorstep. The brigade would come on their white horses to stop this.

I put on a show. All the while, I watched Luke, powering through training. Slinging people like they were ragdolls. Few got hits in, but when they did, I felt the echo of it on my skin. Luke didn’t seem to notice when I got hit. Was the bond gone for him?

It worried me, but I paid attention to the sun as it went down over the horizon. Someone would come. Surely.

No one did. The light was almost out of the sky as we packed up and cleaned up the black blood staining the dirt and our clothes. I’d been brought a fresh-pressed suit to change into. They were particular about appearances. I couldn’t walk around in just anything. I put it on without fuss. My heart felt bruised, and my body was good and tired from being drained of blood.

If they weren’t coming, I had to try something else. I grabbed Luke’s shoulder and ushered him away toward the garden. Connell waved, and I shooed him off. If I could get my brother alone, he might snap out of it like Will had done for me.

“What do you want?” His voice was gruff and low.

“I need to show you something.”

“Just tell me.”

“No. I have to show you.”

Luke reluctantly followed me into the maze with his gaze fixed on the ground. The sun was gone, and the moon had risen in the sky like our North Star. I didn’t remember the layout of the maze, but the holes I’d made earlier in the week were still there. Luke flinched as I knocked the latch on the statue and the door appeared.

“What is this?”

“You’ll see.”

The air was stale and musty as we made our way through the corridor. The lit flames flickered at the bottom of the staircase. An almost silent scratching echoed when we reached the bottom. Will scratched words onto the wall. The word “Her” was written over and over.

“Will?” The recollection passed over Luke’s face. “What’s he doing in there?”

“She did this to him.”

“Luke, you’re going to help me, right? Please, open the cage. Let me go see Her.” Will’s eyes were black as he reached for my brother.

Luke’s jaw hardened. “He needs to stay here. That’s the safest place for him. Away from Her.”

“Are you serious?”

“Ah, fuck you both. Some friends you are.” Will threw up his hands and went back to scribbling on the wall.

“What is your problem?” Luke spun on me quickly, and we were chest to chest like he would beat my ass.

“Right now, my only problem is you. You have to snap out of whatever this is.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I do. She brainwashed you and took your memories, and I need you to come back. I can’t do this alone.”

“Grow up. She didn’t do anything. I asked Her to. I don’t want them. Whatever She took, meant nothing.”

“That’s not true. Sarah meant everything to you.”

“Not enough, obviously, because I don’t know who you’re talking about. Nothing matters except Her, and it should be the same for you.”

I scoffed. “You wouldn’t feel that way if you remembered the things that bitch did to you.”

“Don’t talk about Her like that,” Luke growled.

“Why shouldn’t I? This is Her fault.”

He stepped forward to tower over me. “No. You’re the problem. You’re making this all about you. You wanted me to be here and fit in, and now that I do, you can’t let go. This is who we are and who we were always meant to be.”

“I never wanted this.”

This wasn’t right. If it was destiny, why was it pulling us apart?

“You asked me to ascend with you, and I did. I’m finally happy. I have a job that I know I can do. You’re a leech. You provide nothing to Her or to me. You don’t follow instructions. I don’t know why you’re here or why She chose you. So be helpful or stay out of my way.”

I couldn’t fully register the words.

I said nothing.

“She’s mine,” he hissed. “Call Her a bitch again, and I’ll gut you.”

He bumped my shoulder on his way out.

My heart cracked.

His absence left me in the cold silence.

My brother was gone. My brother was gone. My brother was gone, and I couldn’t get him back. It was all my fault. Everything was my fault. Why was it always my fault? I didn’t protect him. I had one job, and I didn’t do it. I didn’t protect him. I never protected him like he protected me.

I stumbled onto the stairs to hide in the darkness. My legs gave out, and I fell onto dusty steps. Something wet fell from my face. Why was I crying? I hated crying. I hated Her. I hated myself.

It was too much. The weight of it all suddenly tipped, and I wanted to see them. To hug my brothers and go back in time to when I was at least a little happy. Couldn’t I go back one more time? I needed to hear one of Presley’s stories again. Or to see Aaron smile and do something that made him happy. Anything.

I cried because I missed them. I cried because I hated Her. I cried because I loved Her. I cried because I was so fucking angry. I cried because I wanted to go home.

This wasn’t home. It may have been my destiny, but that didn’t make it home.

Her voice was in my head again.

You had to keep fighting for control. I’ve given you so many opportunities to let go.

“Leave me alone,” I said.

This is what you wanted, isn’t it? Luke will be with you forever.

“No. Not like this.”

You said you wanted to keep Luke and your brothers safe. What if this is the only way? The one true path.

“Shut up!” My scream echoed in the empty stairwell, and I made my way back to the maze.

They did this.

They took my brother from me.

And they needed to pay.

My favorite emotion was coming back to me. That’s when I knew the queen’s blood had affected me. Because all that had been frozen solid burned. No flickering flame, but a sudden inferno. A silent vengeful rage filled my body from head to toe. So quick I had no control. That’s who I was. Rage. Destruction. Vengeance.

New plan. I would kill them. Every. Last. Fucking. One. And I didn’t care how long it took.

She was a false god, and I would not rest till I tore Her fucking throat out.