Page 23 of This Blood That Breaks Us (This Blood That Binds Us, #3)

Nineteen

Zach

I was so angry I could’ve sworn the water was a deep burgundy. I’d held onto Luke while Will and Thane got tied to the guardrail of a small speed boat. William’s damage was the worst. He’d forced Thane away from him in enough time to take most of Sirius’s wrath. They didn’t give him much to cover his bleeding arm, and his blood was all over my shoes. The wetness of it had seeped into my socks. Connell’s punishment was the loss of two fingers, but everyone was alive. Bloody and traumatized, but alive.

It’s what I’d feared. I hadn’t fully believed, unlike my foolish, hopeful brother. He’d let himself believe we could escape, but I always knew we’d end up right back at Her feet.

The queen’s eyes softened when She saw my brother, as if She cared about his pain. It had to be a show, but for who?

Luke clung to me, with his eyes fixed on the floor. I think his brain had decided to check out, and it left him vacant and shaking.

“ I don’t feel like me. I miss who I used to be ,” he’d whispered on the way over from the mainland while staring at the same spot on the floor for twenty minutes.

I couldn’t let them keep doing this to him. Over and over, they played their games with my brother’s sanity. Luke’s mental health was worse than he ever let on to anyone in our family. Tack it up there with our many secrets. One minute, he’d be smiling with not a care in the world, then night would come and he’d change. It was like a mask he could put on whenever he was with them, but he never put it on with me.

I’d been desperate a few times and tried to get him help. He needed someone to talk to after Sarah disappeared. It got even worse when we found out about her death after getting all those memories back. I’d visited a few clinics in person to try to get them to take Luke. To do something. Anything. He was willing to go, but they never called me back or they’d refuse to take him even if I had cash. Now I was smart enough to see it was always The Family working behind the scenes. One step ahead of me. They wanted Luke to be broken; it was easier for them to control us that way.

The queen’s misty eyes bore into mine. “I can help him.”

“We don’t need your help.” I pulled my brother in closer.

“He needs rest. Take him to your room while we handle things,” She said.

“N-no,” Luke said, “not until we fix this. You can’t kill them. We’re sorry. It was stupid. I-I was afraid because I didn’t trust you not to hurt them. And I wasn’t ready for all of this. It’s my fault. But I’m ready now. Whatever you want. I’m here with you.”

“Luke,” I cautioned.

“No. This was a dumb idea. And it was mine. This whole thing was my plan, and it’s my fault. Whatever I need to do to show you that it won’t happen again, I’ll do it.” Luke’s voice was stronger now.

In the flickering candles of the cathedral, my brother’s determination burned steadily in his eyes.

“Can’t you see that I don’t want to keep punishing you? I didn’t want to do those things. All I’ve ever wanted was for us to be together and for you to take your place on The Divine Path.”

“I want that too. I’ve been afraid of getting too close. But I’m not afraid anymore. I’m ready to do this. I’m willing to commit.”

“Give me your hand.” Her slender hand extended from Her white floor-length gown.

He pulled from me and kneeled in front of Her with his shoulders straight and tear-stained cheeks. I’d never been so awestruck by my brother, and Luke was nothing but impressive every day of his damn life. He held out his hand, and my shoulders tightened. I was ready to strike at the first sign of pain, but the constant ache that had been in my chest eased.

She smiled and kissed his forehead. “My Love. Thank you.”

As soon as She stopped touching him, the pain was back.

When She looked at me, Her eyes hardened. “Now, you. Get on your knees. Let’s see if your future favors loyalty.”

Luke’s gaze bored into me, pleading, so I complied. Mostly for him. I held out my hand for Her to take.

“Kneel. Head to the floor.”

I sighed, ignoring the snarling dog of anger that wanted to bite back. It’s not like I cared about what anyone in the room thought of me other than my brother.

“Up.”

Her hand on my face felt like a kiss. Sickly sweet. Her skin filled the world with Her scent. There was no way to describe it. I had nothing to compare it to. I didn’t care where I was, and all my previous worries disappeared. As She searched my future for my betrayal, I stared at Her long, soft lashes and soft pink lips. How many of my futures could She see beside Her? Were there any that didn’t end in this place?

Suddenly, I questioned why we wanted to leave. As if there was a place I could exist without Her. Anywhere else would be pure agony compared to the feeling of Her being close. When Her hand left me, I shuddered from the loss.

She stood. “Their loyalty is true.”

It answered my question. If She could see them all, She must have seen us choose Her over and over. If it was the most likely one, whose decisions could change our almost certain fate?

“My queen, what shall we do with these two?” Sirius said.

Will and Thane were kneeling on the ground, too weak to bolt. I readied myself for the final decision. Whatever She decided, I’d have to live with and make sure Luke got through it. It’s not that I didn’t care, but I only had enough feelings for one person, and it was for my brother. Everything else could get buried away in that lovely feeling suggestion box.

“Do we need both of them?” Sirius rolled up his sleeves where the black blood had soaked his cuffs.

“It is more favorable for them to both live for now.”

“Don’t I get a say in this?” Will lifted his head.

“Not unless you have a death wish,” Sirius said.

“What if I do?”

“Will, don’t,” Thane said.

“I think there’s a lot of decisions being made without me gettin’ any say. Maybe I’m tired of being here. And I’d rather be anywhere than here with some wicked bitch.”

Sirius grabbed Will’s head and slammed it into the marble floor. I had my hand on Luke’s shoulder in an instant. He pulled us closer to the shuffle, but I planted my feet.

Laughter trickled from Will’s lungs, and he groaned as Sirius pressed a boot to the back of his neck. “I come all the way back to Ireland, and this is how I’m greeted? I expected more from all of you. The big bad is surprisingly weak. I can’t believe Kilian has been this worried about it. He’ll have Her head on a stake in no time.”

Sirius kicked Will in the back of the head, and the shock of it rang through my body. I dug my fingers into Luke’s shoulders as he pulled us forward.

“Will,” I warned.

“It’s all right. Let them kill me. I waited my whole life to look your glorious queen in the face and tell Her what a vile cunt She is. My life’s goal is complete.”

I pulled Luke to look at me before Sirius landed another blow, and Thane yelled in protest.

“Luke. Focus on me. Let Will get himself killed if that’s what he wants.”

The world spun in the haze of his eyes. He didn’t need to say anything. He was torn and panicking. I was too. My hands were shaking. The pain from the tunnel was back and aching in sync with each beat of my heart. Watching Will get killed would hurt like a bitch, but I could handle it. I had to.

“Don’t worry, My Love. No one will die. Sirius, hold him up.”

She leaned down. “So disrespectful. Let’s see where all that hatred comes from.”

He convulsed as She dug Her way into his thoughts, forcing Herself into every corner of his mind. Ezra had ahold of Thane while Will writhed on the floor. When She let go of him, he pulled his head into his hands and screamed in stifled sobs.

“Poor little lamb. I think you’ve taken it a bit personal. Your sister came on her own. It’s not my fault she was never meant for divine destiny.”

“It’s your fault, bitch!” He spit blood in Her face.

Ezra growled, and Sirius was next to Her in a moment, using a handkerchief to wipe Her face delicately.

“Your hatred is admirable. And for that . . . I offer the gift of true hatred back to you. May you be tethered to me and this place forever. My holy offering will become your curse.”

She bit into Her wrist, and Luke and I stilled. Blood seeped from Her wrist onto the marble. Luke nearly pulled me to the floor. I only held on for him alone. I should have felt sorry for Will, but all I felt was the thirst consuming me alive. God, I needed Her. All the color had drained from my brother’s irises. A fight was futile. She had us exactly where She wanted us. Thirsting for Her.

I took it all in at once. My thirst and my will to keep Luke steady. Thane’s wide-eyed horror as Will was forced to drink Her blood. Sirius and Ezra hovering with uneasiness.

He fought it at first, then once the blood was down his throat, he drank like a starved man, and it set my skin ablaze with untamable need. Every second, my resolve slipped away. My blood was alive with a cruel mixture of emotions. Jealousy. Anger. Longing. Sadness. All of it ran through me so fast I couldn’t figure out what I felt more.

When She pulled away, Will’s eyes were black and his whole demeanor had softened to Her. He licked the blood from his lips.

“There, now you’ll truly understand devotion. We’ll have plenty of time to have fun together.”

The tips of Her fingers grazed Will’s face, and he leaned into Her.

“Stay,” he whispered.

Ezra tended to Her wrist, and She spoke again.

“Ascension is coming. There’s a lot to plan for. Much for us all to do. You’ll prep them, Ezra?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Sirius, keep an eye on these two. I’d hate to lose them again.”

Would it ever stop? This invisible string connecting us all was now pulled taut.

Luke and I sat on the edge of our beds staring at nothing. I was tired. Watching your friends get vigorously tortured was enough to cause the body to feel tired. Psychological wounds needed healing too, I guess. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to sleep, though.

“I’m afraid to close my eyes,” Luke said.

“What do you think will happen?”

“I’ll dream of Her.”

“We can do the ole ice trick. I’m sure Connell is dying to do us a favor.”

To stay up late when we were kids, we’d dump all the ice trays in a bowl and stick our face in it. I mostly remembered how it would piss Mom off when we’d forget to fill them back up.

He lay back on his bed and sighed.

I did the same. “Fine. If you do, then I’ll be here. We’ll deal.”

“Do you ever dream of Her?”

“Yeah. Every time I fall asleep.”

“Mine aren’t always bad. Sometimes, I’m so happy with Her that I don’t want to wake up. And when I do . . . I feel disappointed.”

I remembered the last dream I’d had. It involved sneaking into Her room at night and . . . let’s just say it was not an appropriate dream to tell my brother at that moment.

I sat up and moved to his bed to sit beside him.

“We can’t go back, Luke. This is who we have to be. This is who we are.”

“But . . . I want to go back. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“I know.”

“I want to help everyone, and I can’t. I don’t know how. I keep thinking I’m going to be able to, and I can’t.”

His voice broke, and I broke with it. The weight of his pain was amplified by Her blood and ours mixed together. It was like a siren sounding in my head, screaming for me to help him. As if I needed something to make that need any stronger.

“I know but we can’t. We have to stay and try to get to Ascension.”

Luke shook his head, and his eyes went red.

“No, no, no, don’t fucking do it. Don’t cry,” I said.

He pressed his palms into his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m always crying all the time now, and I hate it.”

I pulled him into my arms. “That’s not what I meant.”

He buried his head in my shoulder, almost toppling me over. The fucking brute. His quiet sobs grew louder, and I squeezed him tighter.

“We’re never going to see them again, are we?”

I knew it the moment we set foot on the plane, maybe even earlier, but he’d held onto hope this long? Who was I kidding? Of course he did.

“No. I don’t think so.”

He cried harder, and warmth filled my face.

“I know I’m not funny like Presley or nice like Aaron, but I’ll protect you, Luke.”

He wiped his eyes. “What if I can’t stay away from Her?”

“None of that shit matters. I’ll take care of you. No matter what happens, I’ll be right here.”

“Promise?”

“Fuck yeah, I promise.”

I tried not to remember my childhood, but there was one memory I couldn’t let go of. I thought of it the most because it brought me comfort like nothing else. When I felt alone, I replayed the memory over and over.

Luke and I were six.

My face was hot where my dad had hit me.

I’d run down to the basement to hide from him. I remembered little about the basement, but I remembered the sting on my face and the headache I got from crying so hard. The light at the top of the stairs turned on, and I cowered in the corner, hoping it wasn’t my dad, and Luke emerged. His lip was bloody.

I never understood why Dad liked hurting us. He didn’t hit Mom or our little brothers. Just Luke and me. He was good at hiding it. It was rare he’d leave marks and even more rare for them to be on the face.

Mom thought we fought a lot. We lied. Even after Dad left. I think we were afraid he’d come back. He would come and go out of her life, getting her pregnant and disappearing when she needed him the most every time. I never blamed her for it, though. She was lonely. And tired. I understood that type of tired now.

He’d been especially angry that day. I couldn’t remember why, only the strong scent of alcohol as he’d yelled in my face.

Luke had smiled when he saw me and sat next to me, then rubbed my back. “We’re okay. It’s all going to be okay.”

I’d been shocked by the way he wiped the blood from his lip and pulled me close to him.

“He won’t come down here.”

“H-how do you know?” I sniffled, enamored by his unwavering faith.

“I just do.” He hugged me tighter. “I’ll protect you.”

I didn’t care who I had to be or what I had to do. I would get us to Ascension, and I would protect him no matter the cost.