Page 12 of This Blood That Breaks Us (This Blood That Binds Us, #3)

Nine

Luke

“Good morning, Luke!” Connell was outside my door.

Zach had left with Sirius, but it was usually Thane waiting for me on the other side.

“Hey, Connell. Where is Thane?”

“Ezra has him and Will doing laundry in the foyer today. I can take you to them if you’d like.”

Connell always told the truth.

“I would, but I have to go see the queen first.”

“Oh, Ezra told me to tell you not to come today. I’m supposed to try to distract ya.”

“Why?”

“He didn’t say.”

I started down the hallway. Something about it made me uneasy.

“I wouldn’t go! Are you sure? He might be angry with you . . . and by that, I mean me.”

“I won’t let him hurt you, Connell. I promise.”

“Aren’t you the least bit worried he’ll be in a huff?”

“No.” It didn’t matter because I had to see Her.

As I neared Her door, I realized it had been less than a month and the thought of not seeing Her for a day was sending me into panic. I had to get in there, especially after the prayer night. I needed to be in the same room with Her, just for a minute. And after the prayer not going as planned, I wanted to make sure I hadn’t angered Her too much.

“Be careful.” Connell frowned as I went to push open the door.

I squeezed his shoulder. “Don’t ever worry about me. It’s my job to worry about you.”

He nodded and bit back a smile.

When I entered, Ezra immediately appeared in front of me, blocking my view.

“I told you to steer clear.”

“I know, but I needed to see Her.”

“You can’t today.”

“Move.” The word came out harsher than I wanted, but he was blocking my view.

Why was he keeping Her from me? He placed a hand on my shoulder, and I pulled my shoulders back to brace against him.

“Let him stay.” Her voice was like rain on a hot summer day.

She lay with heavy eyelids in Her bed, resting Her head on a black satin pillow. I sat next to Her, but Her usual gravity wasn’t overwhelming. She felt . . . normal. As She blinked, color returned to Her irises and liquid pools of green appeared.

“What happened to Her?”

“It’s the day when Her body is weakest and The Divine draws away from Her.”

The girl looking back at me was different. I waited for the gravity of Her to bulldoze me over, but it didn’t. It was still there but faint.

“What can I do?”

Ezra interjected. “Nothing can fix it. She needs rest. It is my duty to watch over Her while She does. And I’m the only one who—”

“You can go. Let Luke stay this time.” Her eyes were closed, but She reached out for me.

She never called me by my real name.

“My queen. It’s too early.”

“Please. Luke is safe.”

Ezra’s shoulders fell like he’d received a blow to the chest. “I . . . yes. Whatever you wish.”

I looked to Ezra for permission as I sat at the edge of Her bed. He nodded but didn’t meet my eyeline before he left.

“Do you feel okay?”

“Yes, it’s only the stars calling me and pulling me to sleep. It’s brief. Not painful.”

Her skin was blazing hot. To my surprise, there was no pull. Nothing willed me forward to touch or taste Her. I let out a breath at the relief.

“I didn’t know.”

“Only The Guard are allowed to know. And only Ezra watches over me at my request.”

“But you let me?”

“You’re safe. You won’t hurt me.”

“Never.”

It occurred that this might be an opportunity for someone. Her gravity was gone. She was weak and nearly sleeping. I should have hated Her so much I might want to hurt Her, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.

“Will you lie with me? I’m so cold.”

I moved closer to Her and kicked off my shoes so I could lie next to Her with my head propped on a pillow. There were worse ways to spend my morning.

“Can I tell you a story?” Her voice was different. It was softer, and the faintest remnants of an Irish accent came through.

“Of course.”

“I remember layin’ in this bed as a young girl. The memory is almost faded. But on days like this, I can feel it on the edge of my tongue. I try to reach for it, but it’s so faint. I wish . . . it could always be like this. That I could always be this close to the veil.”

“The veil?”

She pulled Herself onto my chest, ignoring my question. “You’re so warm, Luke.”

“You keep calling me that.”

“That’s your name.”

I moved my hands through the lengths of Her white hair and down Her back. I felt nothing and was thankful for that. For the slightest bit of peace from whatever ran in the queen’s blood. That thing that made my blood boil over with need and urgency.

“But you never call me by my name.”

When She spoke again, Her voice was soft and far away. “Luke’s a good name. It’s light. The stars shine brighter when I mention it.”

“I like it. My mom named me Luke after my great-grandfather.”

My chest ached at the mention of her.

She smiled with Her eyes closed. “Tell me a story.”

“What kind?”

“One that you like. One that makes you happy.”

I had so many, but I settled on the one that came to mind first.

“Once when I was sick, my mom stayed home with me and let me stay in her bed. We watched movies all day long. She was so busy working and hardly ever took off, but she did it for me. It made me feel special. She let me pick out my own movie.”

“That’s beautiful. I miss my mother,” She whispered. “She smelled of lavender. I want . . . to see her again.”

This wasn’t my queen. This person I was talking to was different. Cecily Dooley. Maybe only The Guard was allowed to know about this because on this day, Cecily was “close to the veil.”

This person on my chest, I didn’t hate. She didn’t kill Sarah. The Thing controlling her did. When she fell asleep clinging to me, I moved to leave but stopped. If it were true, that meant she was trapped there like me. That meant she was scared too. The thought of leaving her to wake up alone made my stomach turn, and I leaned back again and pulled her to me. Her body, usually cool, was like a radiator. I was unsure how to escape and save everyone; I couldn’t even save myself.

But I wanted to save her too.