Page 34 of This Blood That Breaks Us (This Blood That Binds Us, #3)
Twenty-Eight
Luke
I couldn’t find my brother. I’d been lying in bed when the stabbing in my chest brought me to my feet and out of the room. Something was happening, and judging by the throbbing that grew by the second, I knew it was bad. This was the worst part of the bond. The not knowing and the snowball effect that happened after. My heart raced as I searched the halls. All the while, the stinging pain continued to pulse through my veins.
It was kinda like being stuck in an infinite time loop. We were more at ease if we were together. This place wasn’t safe, and not seeing him meant he could be anywhere. He could get hurt at a moment’s notice, and if I couldn’t get to him . . . The thought alone made me sick to my stomach. If he was next to me, we could get the pain to stop and ride it out together. Every second, I felt sicker and dizzier.
“Here.” Zach appeared around a corner, and I almost tackled him to the ground. Will was next to him. They reeked of smoke, and Will patted him on the shoulder and gave us some space.
“What happened?”
“What? Oh. Nothing.” His tone was oddly nonchalant as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.
“You’re really not going to tell me?”
“You don’t need to know every little thing happening with me. Blood bond or not.”
“Right.” There used to be a time when he would tell me. When he didn’t think I was so fragile. My chest ached now. The stabbing was there too but faint and concealed.
“Luke.” Zach’s eyes softened.
Fighting with my brother only ensured we’d both be unbelievably uncomfortable until we made up. It wasn’t worth it.
“It’s fine, you don’t have to tell me. I get it.”
“I don’t want to add to your plate.”
“Okay.”
“I don’t like this anymore than you do, okay? Being connected to you is the worst thing that’s ever happened to either of us.”
More pain shot through my chest. At least it felt warm.
“No, no, no. I didn’t mean it.” He grabbed my shoulders.
My eyes were already burning like he’d hit me. It felt like he had. The bond felt like being cut up. There was no shield anymore.
“I meant . . . ” He wiped his hands over his face, and the pain continued. “This isn’t sustainable. Being this close to you isn’t healthy. It’s making us fight.”
“I get it.”
“Obviously not, because now I feel like an elephant is standing on my chest.”
“If you don’t want to be around me, then tell me. Don’t do it because you feel like you have to or because you think you’re going to hurt my feelings.”
“What?! Luke, that’s not how I feel, and you know that.”
I took a deep breath to steady myself and remember the truth.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been feeling out of place. And I hate the thought that even you don’t want me around or that the only reason is because of the bond.”
The thought of it brought the sick warmth through my body again.
“Luke, no. It’s this place. It’s this bond. You’re my brother. Bond or no bond. There is no place I’d rather be than enduring this with you. Don’t let it mess with your head too much. That’s why I think some secrets are healthy for us right now. Everyone tells me this will get better after Ascension, so we just have to make it till then.”
I nodded. He was right. The pain eased as quickly as it came. We let out a collective breath.
“This is weird.”
“No shit, we have no choice but to bicker like a married couple.”
“Why does it feel like it’s getting worse?”
“Ezra said it’s because we’re really close, I guess. We were attached at the hip before, and now, I might as well be living in your skin.”
“Gross.”
“This is some serious I’d cut your face off and wear it type shit.”
“Please stop.”
He laughed. “Are we good? I was going to turn in for the night. But let’s get this ironed out first.”
“Yeah, no, we’re good.”
I put my arm around him, and we walked in stride. I missed the days when my brother didn’t look at me like a paper doll on a shelf. More than that, I missed the days when I didn’t feel like that fragile doll. Zach was keeping secrets, and I was too. Maybe they were harmless, but secrets had never helped my brother and me before.