Page 7 of This Blood That Breaks Us (This Blood That Binds Us, #3)

Five

Luke

The morning came for me despite me willing it not to, and it came in the form of William and Thane knocking on our door. We spent hours drinking before The Underground started to clear. It was a nice distraction for our first night.

“Don’t you say a fuckin’ word, Calem.” William loosened his collar.

They were dressed in all-white slacks and dress shirts. He reminded me of a butler, but I would not mention that. Thane’s long hair was brushed into a clean bun, and William’s looked freshly cut on the sides.

“Come on, Will. It could be worse,” I said.

“No, it really couldn’t. We’re at the threshold of hell,” Will said.

“Not even the threshold. I’d say we’re cruising around level two or three right now,” Zach said.

“Serving the Calem twins in hell. If you’d have told me this months ago . . . ”

“We’ll go easy on you. You bossed me around for months, and now that karma is back to repay you.” Zach smiled from ear to ear.

“They want me to bow.” Will gritted his teeth while looking at himself in our floor-length mirror.

“Well, come on. Let’s see it,” Zach said.

“Fuck. You.”

Zach nudged him. “You can shine my shoes instead.”

“I need a cigarette.”

It was a sobering experience. In a matter of days, everything was different. No more late nights in the frat house listening and watching my little brothers live their lives free of burden. I loved being there for them. Did I miss college? Had I liked my classes? I wasn’t sure, but I was sure I was happy then, when they were happy and we were together.

“My vote is on a big distraction. We could set fire to the castle. Will and Thane brain wipe a few, and we steal a boat,” my brother said.

“The only way that works is if you’re interested in watching them torture us when they catch us. From what I’ve gathered so far, a lot of people here are the same age or older than Thane and me. We wouldn’t be able to keep them under. You’re talking about four of us against more than twenty moderately matched opponents if they catch us. Not to mention the actual Guard. They could have people waiting on the mainland.”

“It’s too risky. We need time to have a better opening,” I said. We needed time to construct a plan that might actually work.

Thane was quieter than usual, and his gaze burned a hole in my face.

“Luke, I wanted to thank you for doing that for me.” Thane pulled me aside while William and Zach continued to bicker. “I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize. The others are safe. That’s all that matters.”

“I knew you were going to say that, but I was rooting for you guys. I didn’t want you to have to come back to them. So being the reason that you are here is—”

“I know.”

“No. Let me say this. I’ve always been loyal to The Legion. They’re all I have. The only good thing I’ve ever had in my life. And when Akira cornered me in the forest and forced Her blood down my throat, nothing else mattered. I forgot about the things I stood for and the people I care about. I thought I understood after the trial in the church. But that grew after getting to know all of you. I knew I needed to help you. And now I get it so much more. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to help you get out of here. I owe you. I’m in your debt.”

“I’m more concerned with getting you and Will out first.”

“Oh no. That’s not happening. We all go or none of us do.”

Before I could protest, Zach stepped in.

“Are we good over here?”

Zach wouldn’t forgive Thane easily. He didn’t forgive people. Holding grudges was fun for him. Anyone who wasn’t immediate family didn’t often get second chances. I’d come to accept it even if I didn’t agree.

“He’s fine.” I wouldn’t let him torture Thane on my watch.

Thane had been manipulated like my brother and me. In my book, there was nothing to forgive.

“No, that’s good. I’d prefer one of you to be angry with me. It makes me feel better.” Thane’s lips tugged into a wide smile.

“Oh, perfect. See? We’re going to get along great, then,” Zach said.

“It’s almost dawn. We should go,” I said.

I’d promised to meet their demands, though I didn’t have a choice.

“Do we know where we’re going?” I said as we made our way into the hallway.

“Unfortunately, yes,” William said. “Follow me.”

I had paid little attention to Connell’s brief tour. The castle was huge. We passed a lot of doors, some open and showing brief glimpses into the architecture and decor. Every window was stained glass, and most rooms had thick ornate rugs. There was no dust on the end tables or picture frames.

A magnetism pulled me toward the other end of the castle. My thoughts were speeding up again, and my pulse raced in my palms.

“Here. Thane and I can’t go in.” William stopped in front of the large set of double doors.

I could hear Her heartbeat, as I placed my hand on the door.

“Because of Ezra?” I asked.

“He made our deaths pretty vividly obvious if we set foot in there. We can’t even go there with ya,” William said.

There was a shift in his voice. His accent had peeked through.

My brother and I shared a look.

“This place bringing back the ole accent, buddy?” Zach smirked.

“Fuck off. I’m so used to hiding it. But I guess I don’t need to anymore.”

“Where you grew up, was it around here?” I asked.

Will revealed little about his past while in Blackheart. He was too busy telling us what to do.

“No, I lived in the South. I can’t believe I’m fuckin’ here. This place haunted my nightmares as a kid.”

“I heard ’em too. Though I think they turned this place into a historical landmark. I overheard them talking about giving tourist tours of the far end of the property.”

“Great. Glad we’re stuck here in this nightmare of a place. Good reminder,” Zach said.

“Stop stalling and go,” Will said.

Zach and I pushed open the doors.

It opened to a large and expansive room with marble flooring. A room meant for something else, but they’d undoubtedly transformed it with lavish drapes. The linens were clean and pressed. Her bed was the centerpiece with a canopy of black sheets cascading from the ceiling and onto a rug below. There were no windows or natural light, only a sprinkling of candles and dim lights around the room. A large harp sat on the far edge of the room along with a vanity with fresh purple roses and thistle.

We bowed to the natural weight of Her gaze.

“I’m pleased to hear you were both out speaking with everyone. You’re all anyone has talked about for the last few months. Your family has anxiously awaited your return.”

It hadn’t felt like months in Blackheart. It took me that long to feel . . . safe. As safe as I could with Akira breathing down my neck. It was odd looking back. How I’d had days where I’d spent time going to class and working at the theater. If I’d pretended long enough, I could almost forget about this place.

On second thought, I did like working and school, even if it had felt a little like playing pretend. My chest ached when I thought of it, even while standing next to Her.

Something about Her was different from the day before. Her posture was less rigid and Her smile softer. “Usually Ezra is my companion, but we thought it might be appropriate for us to spend time together. I spend many hours in this room, so I enjoy the company. I mostly rest. After the full moon, my energy slowly drains till the end of the moon cycle. This mortal body isn’t able to hold the power of The Divine for long.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that.”

We didn’t see Her much before. Only when it was time to donate our blood to Her. I’d never seen Her look even the slightest bit frail.

“It’s not something we want all to know.”

She came up to rest Her hand on mine, and I shivered at the coolness of Her touch. I drank in the sight of Her before me. Glistening eyes; perfect lips, teeth, and tongue.

“We usually start the day in the garden before the sun is up.”

She motioned for my brother. “You’re always welcome to come along.”

He said nothing. My guess was he had nothing nice to say.

“You want to walk in the garden?”

“Yes, My Love.”

“And that’s it?”

“Yes, it’s nice to get out. Sometimes we go for night walks too. There are plenty of other things too, but this is my favorite. I thought you’d enjoy it too.”

She wasn’t like I remembered Her. In many ways, it was like seeing Her for the first time. When I got lost in Her eyes, I could almost forget about who She really was and how She’d taken the kindest person I’d ever known away from me.

The guilt brought me back to reality. “Let’s go, then. I’ll need some guidance, though.”

She smiled and took my arm, sending a wave of euphoria through my entire body. I wrapped Her arm in mine and let Her lean into me. Zach glared. Far behind us, Will and Thane followed.

With Her skin touching mine, I wasn’t scared or nervous anymore. I felt at ease. Peaceful even. The rest of the world fell away, and I floated with Her down the hallways and through arched doorways until we were outside. The chill of the early morning permeated my jacket. A blue haze lingered in the sky where the sun was dawning.

She led us out through a mossy cobblestone archway covered in snow and ivy.

“You don’t have shoes?” Zach grumbled.

He had his hands stuffed in his pockets and his collar pulled up to protect himself from the bite of the cold.

“I don’t have much use for them. I don’t travel to many places.”

“Do your feet get cold?” he asked.

“I’m used to the winter. I grew up here. Before I was what I am, I had many days spent on this very soil. I enjoyed the outdoors the most. Many hours spent with my brother playing in the hills by the cliffs.”

Her foot slipped on a cobblestone, and Zach and I moved to steady Her. It was quick and instinctual.

“I’m fine. Thank you.”

“Shit.” Zach picked up the train of Her silk gown. “You’re going to get your dress dirty.”

She smiled at him, and I swear my brother blushed. Step by step, he shifted closer to us.

“I didn’t think you’d remember anything before you . . . ”

“Yes, me and The Divine are connected now. At times, it’s strong, and at other times, it’s faint. But I have all her memories . . . my memories. The human’s memories. We were once two completely separate beings, and then we formed into one.”

“Is that why you sound so . . . normal, then?” Zach said.

“Yes. Our body has had many years to adjust to a new way of speaking.”

Together, the three of us were in a different place. A blissful trance. It was hard to remember the past or the pain. It was simple to think of Her. To fall into Her rhythm and care for Her. Something shifted within me, and I wondered if every cobblestone step was leading me on the path of The Divine. I didn’t know what I wanted, but I didn’t mind walking in the garden if She was next to me.

Thick flakes of snow fell onto my eyelashes. The sky had turned from a milky blue to a soft yellow. We’d walked around the entire garden that spanned the left side of the castle. Beyond it, a set of cliffs and a raging sea beckoned. Time had passed without my recollection.

“Should we stay out?” I said, with the wet from the snow seeping into my clothes.

“No, let’s go inside.”

We walked Her through the garden and through a stone corridor. Sirius met us halfway. He bowed to Her, then peered up at Zach through his long lashes. A small smile caught in the corner of his mouth.

Zach was still holding Her dress.

“I’m requesting Zach’s presence. Will you grant him leave?”

“He’s free to do what he wishes.”

“You could keep holding Her dress if you’d like. Or we could start training. I’ll want to see you too, Luke. But it can wait.”

“Oh, fuck yeah.” Zach’s eyes lit up, then his face quickly fell. “I don’t know if I should.”

“I’ll be fine,” I said, knowing his fear was about me.

Zach wasn’t afraid of anything unless I was involved. I hated being the one weakness of my otherwise impenetrable brother. I didn’t hate that he cared. Just that it made him do wild things and prevented him from doing things he wanted to do.

He cocked his head, not saying a word, but I could almost hear his question. Are you sure?

I nodded. I vowed not to let him be alone with Her again—not that he didn’t sneak off and do it anyway. She’d always been harsher with him than me, and I didn’t know why.

Will left with them, and I escorted Her back to Her room while Thane stayed a few paces behind. Once alone in Her bedroom, I escorted Her to the vanity chair.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked.

“Anything, Love.”

“Do you ever miss your family? Your parents, I mean. It’s probably been so long for you.”

She studied me for a minute. “Yes. My dad, in particular. A great man. He took care of me.”

Kilian had run me through what he knew about Her history. The human had been married, then died three short years after. She was the daughter of a chieftain over five hundred years ago and had taken over her father’s reign. Her name, Cecily Dooley. I had questions but none which seemed right to ask Her in the moment.

“He sounds like a great man. What do you miss the most?”

“My father possessed a hearty laugh. He had me and then my little brother. He was quite proud to have an eldest daughter to take his place. Not many men felt that way about their daughters then.” She smiled down at Her hands, then up at me. “You must miss your brothers.”

“Yes.”

“I knew you’d be unhappy like this. But I respect your decision.”

There was something about Her. The way She moved made me soften to Her and let down my walls.

“It will get better.” She was angelically beautiful. Her face was smooth like porcelain.

She leaned into my shoulder, and Her scent and presence filled up the cool air and thickened in my lungs. “I’ve learned pain doesn’t last forever.”

“What about the prophecy?”

“The prophecy was a message from The Divine given to me one night only. After Eros died, there was a solar eclipse. It found me. The path of totality came over us, and the stars spoke to me about you two. There is another coming soon. The path will head over this very castle. The place where the Earth goes dark has found me again. I believe it will have the answers of who is to complete The Guard.”

“I don’t get it. There’s a prophecy, but you can see the future too?”

“Only when I touch you.” She ran Her fingers along my forearm. “And I can’t do it all the time. Only on certain moons. There’s a difference between The Divine’s message and what I see. When I touch you, I can see your most likely path based on your current decisions and the decisions of others. But I can also see many other futures too. It changes quickly. But The Divine’s word is the one true path.”

I leaned into Her. Tethered to Her gravity. She continued to move Her fingers over my forearm and over my ear until they were in the stubble of the hair on my neck.

“Now, can I ask you something, My Love?”

I nodded, still enamored with Her.

“How was your time with Kilian and the Legion?”

I swallowed. She was likely angry, and rightfully so. My brother and I left. We bolted and ran to their one enemy for help. There were plans that involved us coming back here and tricking them. Kilian was vague. It all seemed ridiculous now.

“It was . . . he was . . . ” I couldn’t find the words to explain how I felt about all of it because it was confusing, even more so when She looked at me. I was sure then I wanted to leave, but now that I was seated next to Her, the thought of leaving Her terrified me.

“Are you angry with me?”

“No. I understand why you and your brother left. I apologize for my rash decisions with the girl. I should have never punished you so harshly. I just want to know. You could show me.”

“Like . . . you want in my head?” I pulled away from Her, but She reached up to rub the skin under my jaw.

“Only if you’ll allow me.”

“I don’t know.”

“I won’t hurt you. It’s easier. I’m within you and you’re within me.”

“I want to. I’m just afraid.” Normally, I’d cry, but next to Her, I wasn’t sure it was possible. She kept me together somehow, with hopeful anticipation.

“I’m sorry. I promise. Things are different now. I’ll only take care of you. You’re so special to me.” She leaned in and placed a kiss on my cheek.

“Okay.” I couldn’t believe my words as I said them, but I needed Her to keep touching me.

With one hand rested on my hand in my lap, She laid the other across my cheek.

I braced myself for something sick and terrible, like when She’d given me all my memories back and I learned about Sarah’s death, but it was gentle as She waded through my memories of Blackheart, only lingering on the moments with Kilian. The time spent in his study where we’d meet. He mostly asked me questions about our childhood. Kilian wasn’t someone I liked, more like someone I tolerated. Every exchange was a transaction of something. He liked to go through memories, and I’d let him. Hoping it would help a little of this anxious panic let go of me, but it made it worse.

I sucked in a breath as the memory faded. Her hand clenched around mine, and She stayed stroking my cheek. It helped alleviate the weight of it.

“I’m sorry he betrayed you. That must have been scary.”

It was. All of it was scary. Thinking Kimberly and Presley were dead. Kilian locking us in a room, and thinking I wouldn’t be able to get to them. I’d been trying to construct another plan, all the while knowing we were outmatched. All the feelings from the memories lingered in my chest, and I pinched the bridge of my nose. My hand shook from the intensity of it all. All that time in Blackheart. Every panic attack.

She continued to touch me, lightly massaging my tensed forearms.

“Yeah, it was.”

“Kilian threatened your brothers. After having had a brother himself, I would have believed he’d have some understanding of what a bond like that could mean.”

I drew in a breath. My chest grew tight and panic washed through me.

“I’m here.” She gathered my hands in Hers. “There’s nothing to fear anymore. No one here is going to hurt or trick you. And I won’t keep you from your brother.”

With the coolness of Her fingers, the panic left as quick as it came.

“I really did miss you.” Having seen and felt the memories again, I couldn’t hide from that fact. When I was alone in my room, I thought of Her constantly. If I wasn’t training or busy at work at the theater, She was on my mind. There was relief in Her presence.

“I know, Love.”

My weight shifted, and without thinking, I reached for Her. Cupping Her chin, I pulled Her to me. I needed Her lips on mine.

A knock on the door cut through my trance, and I pulled away.

Ezra stepped in and bowed. “My queen, I have something to discuss.”

“Can I go? You’ll be all right?” My whole body was hot and buzzing from head to toe.

“I’ll be fine, Love. Go if you wish.”

I bowed and made my way out into the hallway. I had to fight the urge to sprint.

Thane was next to me. “Hey, wait up. Are you okay?”

“I’m good. I just need some air.”

Day one and I was already losing my resolve. I tried not to think. Impossible. What was wrong with me? Had I forgotten in a matter of seconds the things She’d done to Sarah? To my brother? To my family?

The feeling of doom and panic built in my chest.

No, No, Luke. Don’t do it. Don’t crumble.

I plowed over someone in the hallway.

Laying unmoving, Connell looked up at me, waiting for me to respond.

“I’m so sorry.” I reached down to pull him up.

He popped up. “Oh no, please don’t apologize, sir.”

“Call me Luke.”

His eyes widened. “Yes si—I mean, Luke. Yes. I will call you whatever you want.”

His smile grew wide, and I saw my brothers so clearly in his face. Grief washed over me, tearing me from top to bottom. I hated this. How could I do this? How could I stay here?

Together. Keep it together.

“Connell, how are you doing here?”

“W-what do you mean?”

“Are you happy? Are you safe?”

He narrowed his eyes, then blurted. “Of course. The guys can be a bit tough at first, but I think they’re warmin’ to me. Henderson is rough around the edges, but he means well.”

“Tell me if he gives you too much trouble. I’ll take care of it.”

His whole face softened. “Thank you . . . ”

I grabbed his shoulder and gave it a squeeze before continuing on to my room.

“He’s so young,” Thane said, somewhere close at my heels.

I stopped when I reached my bedroom door. “I’m sorry, Thane. Can I have a second?”

“Yeah, of course. Tell me if I can help. I’ll stay out here and wait for you.”

I entered the room and sighed when I saw only my reflection in the mirror next to the door.

I think I liked my hair long, but I wasn’t sure what I did and didn’t like. All I knew was I didn’t like the way I felt staring at myself in the mirror.

Blackheart may have been brief, but it felt like an eternity away from the past . . . from Sarah . . .

“ It’s beautiful ,” I said, watching Sarah comb her dark hair while I sat on the edge of her bed.

“I hate it. It’s too dark. It doesn’t suit me.”

“Everything suits you.”

Sarah smiled at me in the mirror. “What if I dyed it pink, then what would you say?”

“I’d say . . . hell yeah. Then I’d dye mine too.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would if you wanted me to.”

“Would you want to?”

“I don’t know.”

“How do you not know?”

“I don’t know. I don’t always know how I feel about everything. Like most things are neutral. But I know when I feel something I really do care about. You know?”

She spun around in her computer chair . “No. I always know. Like I know I want highlights and I want them to be a level eight caramel blonde. And I want to lighten the whole thing to an auburn brown.”

“Oh. You should, then.”

“Would you like it?”

“I like anything on you.”

“You’re sure?”

“That, I’m sure of.”

I buried my face in my hands. If I could let go, I could get through this. I needed to be someone different here, but how when everywhere I looked, Sarah haunted me. Could you decide to be someone else? For that to happen, I had to know who I was to begin with, and I didn’t.

Who was Luke Calem? Just some guy who ruined the lives of everyone he came in contact with.

The undying optimism circled in my blood. A curse. I shoved it down as I gripped at the short hair on top of my head. I wanted that optimism to die. This place was poisonous. I couldn’t have both. I couldn’t be with Her and have peace. Me and this place would never mix. No matter how much my body fought to have Her. It wasn’t my fault, but I felt guilty even thinking of Her.

There was only one solution to end my torment. We had to leave. It wasn’t a revolutionary idea. One we’d had over and over and tried before. It was the definition of insanity to try again. As I remembered the pull of Her when She ran Her fingers across my skin, I knew I’d never be able to avoid Her if we stayed. There had to be a way to get out of this place. And if there wasn’t, I’d have to find one.