Page 30 of This Blood That Breaks Us (This Blood That Binds Us, #3)

Twenty-Four

Zach

“Zach, I have to talk to you.” Thane’s voice woke me.

He was standing over me in the dark, and I shielded my eyes as he turned on my bedside lamp.

“This qualifies as annoying me.” I sighed.

“I know, but I really need to talk to you.”

“How did you even get in here? What time is it?”

“It’s almost sunrise. I didn’t get locked up because I’m with Luke and he’s been with the queen walking around all night. They’re still out there.”

I groaned and sat up, rubbing my eyes. I’d gone to sleep early so I didn’t have to worry about Luke all night. My whole body felt great, there was no pain to speak of, which told me he was happy.

“I have news. There’s talk.”

“Not this again.”

I’d grown tired of Thane’s optimism. Unlike the three of us, he’d never given up on the thought of leaving this place. He was convinced The Legion was coming for us. I thought it was bullshit. The Legion didn’t care about us. They never had. They certainly didn’t care about Thane. I was starting to think Will wasn’t any different to them. Kilian was like everyone here. A master manipulator who moved us around like little pawns on a chess board, only he was the worst kind of manipulator. He pretended to care.

“No, seriously, you have to listen to me. Sirius mentioned something a few days ago, and you’re going to want to hear. I’ve been trying to get you alone to tell you.”

“Sneaking into the cathedral again?”

“Well, yeah. There’s this little spot—”

“Don’t tell me. If She starts poking around in my brain, you’ll need it as a hiding spot.” I sighed as I stood and pulled on my shirt. “Do I need to remind you again if you get caught, you’re dead. If you’re dead, we’re all going to hurt.”

Will and Luke would be the most devastated, but I couldn’t imagine taking on sadness like that right now. We’d been bedridden from the bond before, and I did not want a replay.

“I know. But this was worth the risk.”

“How?”

“Because I know something. Sirius mentioned that he got a phone call from a source. Someone they really want was trying to find our location.”

“And you think it’s Kilian?”

“Yes! And interestingly enough, they agreed to keep the information away from Ezra. I don’t think the queen and Sirius trust him anymore.”

“Ezra is Her right hand.”

“I know, that’s why it’s weird.”

“What did they say about this ‘source’?”

“That he was eager to find them. He wants to find our location, and they’re going to give it to him.”

“Huh.”

“We need to be prepared.”

Thane bounced around our room like Kilian might walk in the door any minute. I almost felt sorry for him. At the same time, I was impressed he had this much mental stamina, but I knew better. If it were true and Kilian was coming, what would it change? Could Kilian gather enough people to flood this place and take us down? For all I knew, he might just kill us this time.

“How?”

“We should tell Luke.”

“No, do not tell Luke anything.” I sighed, pushing my hands through my hair to work it in place.

“Why?”

“Because he’s suffering enough as it is. He already hates it here. I don’t want to give him false hope. We don’t tell him till we know something for certain. I don’t know if he can take another disappointment.”

“Right. The bond. I get it. I’m . . . sorry about the tunnel.”

He’d already apologized about a hundred times since then.

“It’s not your fault.” It was just us. It was our fate.

“I won’t tell Luke. But Will won’t help. He’s too preoccupied. But you have to know, someone is coming. We have hope. If I hear anything else, I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks. And Thane . . . be careful.”

His beard was getting longer, but he had the same dimpled smile. “Always am.”

Gods, it’s me again.

I’d lost count of how many mornings I’d spent on my knees in the old church. I was supposed to be praying to Her, and sometimes, I did, but mostly, I stared at the old mural and tried to think of something else. Sirius was watching me, though.

“What do you feel?” he asked.

“Uh. I feel . . . ” Like my knees are wearing a hole into the floor. “So devoted. And reverential and shit.”

“You’re still resisting.”

The church shit still wasn’t my thing. Some days were easier than others. I felt the thing Sirius wanted me to feel at times, but only on certain days, and it wasn’t exactly an otherworldly experience. It was lust pooling in my gut for Her.

“A little. My chest hurts.”

“I don’t want to hear about your brother again.”

“I’m saying it’s hard to concentrate.”

“It’s because you haven’t given anything. Give me your wrist.”

I sighed and held out my arm, and in less than a second, he bit me. It hurt, probably because he wanted it to, and when I went to yank my arm back, he held onto my forearm. It wasn’t worth a fight. He was stronger. Something eased in my chest, and I lost the tension in my shoulders. He was taking everything. Emptying me like a well, and I let him.

“There. Feel it. Your loss of control. This is your gift to Her.” He handed me a knife. “Give yourself to Her. Ask Her to speak to you.”

It’s what I imagined people did in the old days when they cut open animals and left sacrifices to their gods. Only, all the power in my body was the sacrifice. Giving my blood was like fasting. From what I’d read in mythology, the gods weren’t kind. They played with the souls of mortals. That’s what She had to be, because She required so much from me.

It was probably a stupid reason too. Like for Her vanity or Her god-sized ego. I wondered if She was one I’d already heard about disguised as something else, or if she was something else no one had thought to write stories about.

I knew what he wanted from me. With the knife pressed firmly into my palm, I cut until the blood oozed into a pool. I took two fingers and moved the blood down my nose in one stroke, then two more over my eyes.

“Perfect. Now, head to the floor. Feel Her. Give yourself, and see what She gives back to you.”

I felt faint when my head hit the wood grain, but I did as instructed. Complying made things go more quickly. I let my mind wander, and it was easier now that I was empty of the blood and pain.

It was only me and Her.

Darling. Come close to me.

The tug in my chest nearly brought me to the floor. I willed myself closer like She’d pop up out of the floorboards. What I really wanted was to be in Her room. On Her bed. Feeling Her breath on my cheek and the coldness of Her skin on my chest.

That’s it. Tell me what you want.

I wanted to feel Her in my palms, and Her teeth to embed themselves into my skin. Did I need to be empty to feel the connection? Now that I was empty of my brother’s and my blood, I could finally feel Her.

It can always feel this way. You know who you are. Give in to your own darkness, Darling. Let it consume you.

When I opened my eyes, I was sitting directly in front of the mural with no recollection of moving.

“There. Your bond to the past is holding you back. You cannot advance while you’re holding on to your old bonds.”

I fell back, and he pulled me to my feet by the collar of my shirt. I cursed the weakness in my body, but most of all, I cursed the feeling of excitement at seeing Her.