Page 29 of This Blood That Breaks Us (This Blood That Binds Us, #3)

Twenty-Three

Luke

It was early evening when I knocked on the door to Her room. Her scent hit me first. It held a distinctive allure, not like perfume or a flower. I let Her gravity wash over me and cleanse the day. The comfort of it made me whole again. She felt good.

Soft classical music played on a record player across the room.

“My Love.” She sat at the foot of the bed while one of the lower members brushed Her hair. “It’s late.”

“I know. I just wanted to see if you wanted to go for another walk. We could talk.”

She held up Her hand for him to stop. “Yes, I’d like that.”

“You can leave,” I said to the one helping Her. I tried not to learn their names even though I knew I would have to eventually. It was too hard, and getting sad was a bad idea while being so closely bonded to my brother. Everything set me off, and I didn’t want to spend any more days so sad I couldn’t leave my bed.

“I bought you these today while I was in town.” I held up a pair of slippers. “I know you don’t mind the cold on your feet, but they looked pretty soft. You don’t get to go out and shop or anything, so I thought they might be nice.”

She held out Her leg, and the fabric from Her dress fell and exposed Her skin. “You thought of me.”

I moved them onto Her feet, which were freshly manicured and free of dirt. The touch of Her skin raised the hairs on my arm.

“I always think of you.”

I helped Her into a coat, and we walked toward the garden. It was dreary and cold, but it was always that way. The moonlight blended in with Her Gloriousness. Our full moon complemented Her in a disarray of shadow and light against Her cheeks.

She was at Her strongest tonight and didn’t need me to help Her walk, but I gave Her support. I guided Her slowly over each steppingstone. Here, I didn’t hurt. It was what I was meant for. To take care of Her. Make Her happy for the rest of eternity. There had to be a reason I was meant to be there and so miserable. I was messing something up or all the puzzle pieces weren’t together yet.

“What are you thinking, My Love?”

“I’ve been unhappy here. But I’ve been wondering if it’s because I’m not using my abilities. Maybe I’m not using my role correctly.”

She stopped walking. “Tell me what you mean.”

“I want to spend more time with you. I spend a lot of my time thinking about you and how you’re doing, and I want to play a bigger role in your day to day. I can do something. I don’t know what. But I want to. Please think about it.”

Her fingers grazed the stubble on my cheek, and I shivered.

“You don’t have to beg for more of my presence. It’s a luxury you can have. It’s your destiny.”

I placed my hand on top of Hers. “I don’t know where I factor in.”

“You don’t need to struggle. Destiny finds you, My Love. It shows up and wraps you in its arms. You will always be with me. I can see your face in so many futures. And you’re so happy.”

“So, I don’t need to do anything?”

“All you need is already yours.”

I need you. The words were on the tip of my tongue. If this was my destiny, why did it feel like I didn’t belong? Zach had found his groove. Where was my groove? He made it look easy. Every day, he knew what he needed to do and seemed to want to do it. I didn’t want to meet clients all day and lie to their faces, and I didn’t know how to turn myself into a person who wanted to.

“I know exactly what you want. What you need.”

My heart fluttered. “So, tonight I can stay with you? We can keep walking. There are places in the castle I haven’t seen yet. I wanna see the places you and your brother used to play.”

“I’ll show you. Let’s walk all night. I’m all yours. I know things are difficult for you now, but after Ascension, things will change for you.”

“They will?”

“Yes, it’s coming. Sooner than you think. You’re almost ready, My Love. The dark sun will be upon us in two weeks, and on that night, we will be bound.”

“What’s it like?”

I tried not to think of Ascension. There was a lot of talk about it. I guess getting to see Zach and I ascend and usher in a new Guard was exciting business for everyone, but no one ever mentioned what it was or what it would entail. I could imagine nothing more terrible than what I’d already experienced.

“It’s peaceful. In many ways, it’s like a marriage. You’re committing yourself to me and The Divine Path. There is a ceremony and celebrations.”

My chest tightened at the thought. It sounded fun, but would I feel that way or ruin it?

“Don’t worry. I’ve seen you very happy there.”

“Can you . . . check again? To make sure?”

“You would let me into your head to check your future?” Her eyes sparkled in the moonlight. “Hasn’t your brother warned you about letting me in?”

“Yeah. But I’ve been doing that, and it’s not working. I don’t want to worry about Ascension. I don’t want to wonder if it’s something I can mess up.”

“Come,” She said as She grabbed my wrist and brought me to sit on a stone bench carved with two cherubs on either side.

I held out my hand to Her, and She threaded Her fingers in mine. I was used to crashing into Her like this now. The feeling of Her skin filling me up. It was fleeting, yet every time, I hoped it could last another moment longer. She closed Her eyes, and I waited in silence for Her to search the stars for my future. I hoped She’d see me devoted. Happier. That Luke could do this. He could be whatever She needed. I wasn’t him yet, but I could be. I wanted to be.

When She opened Her eyes again, a smile curled Her lips.

“You’re everything I’ve waited for, My Love.”

I stilled as She leaned in and placed Her lips softly to my cheek.

“You have nothing to worry about. After Ascension, you’ll know exactly who you’re meant to be.”

I didn’t think I’d ever be excited to enter The Guard, but it was a comfort to think it would help. We continued our walk in the moonlight, and I felt stronger than I had in months. I could protect Her from the threat of night. I would be the person everyone needed me to be. I’d been praying, and it was finally working.

Something shifted in the night air.

Her scent. Her gravity. It all vanished. The queen blinked and melted into my arms like a ragdoll.

“Are you okay?”

The same feeling washed over as before. I was holding Her, but it was different. It was easier, with no gravity breaking my ribs at Her touch. “Luke,” She said, and two pools of emerald stared back at me.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

When She heard my voice, tears fell from Her eyes, and I realized I’d never seen Her cry. The woman in front of me was weeping and pulling at my shirt. She pulled away to look at Her hands and shied away from the light as if it were hurting Her eyes.

“I feel strange. This doesn’t feel right. This place . . . ” She looked around the room. “It can’t be real. This is not real.”

Her hands shook, and I grabbed them to still Her.

“Everything is okay. You’re safe. I won’t let anything hurt you.”

“I can’t stay. I want to stay.” She fell into a soft sob.

I wiped the tears from Her cheeks.

This wasn’t my queen. She was only a woman with no other powers, and I wanted her to stop crying and to know more than anything she was safe.

“Cecily?” I asked.

I moved the hair from her face, and when she blinked, her eyes were clear with no sign of the gray. It had to be her. The wonderful euphoria of my queen was gone. Everything about her was softer now. Warm and radiant.

“Cecily? Is that you?” I asked again, pulling her chin up.

Tears formed in her eyes, and panic flashed across her face.

“What’s happening? I don’t understand.”

“It’s okay. I’m right here.”

Her eyes grew wider, and she grabbed my forearm. “Why am I back here? This isn’t right. Something is happening. What’s happening?”

The tears fell, and I pulled her to my chest on instinct.

“It’s okay. You’re not alone. You’re safe. I won’t hurt you.”

She was crying so hard her tears seeped through my suit and into my shirt. Her vulnerability startled me. It was strange to feel Her, then to feel Cecily. Two distinctly different sensations. Both of whom I wanted to please in different ways, but I needed Cecily to stop crying like I needed the sunshine on my face, because it hurt to see her so scared when she didn’t have to be. I didn’t know why.

“Should I go get Ezra?”

“No! Don’t leave.” She buried her head in my chest. “I need you.”

“I’m here.”

“I feel so strange . . . ”

I stroked the back of her head. “Describe it to me.”

“Like I’m floating in the in-between. Not quite whole. I’m splitting apart.”

I smiled. “It’s okay. I feel like that all the time. It will pass.”

She peeked up from my shirt. “The moon is high. I shouldn’t be here. I haven’t seen a full moon in centuries. It’s so . . . beautiful.”

When she blinked again, her eyes grew heavier.

“Luke?”

“You keep using my name,” I said, stroking the back of her head. Our heartbeats layered in sync. Once both wild and panicked, were falling into a cadence. A waltz.

“Because She knows but never uses it.” She sniffled. “Don’t tell a soul about this. Tell me you understand. Not even your brother.” Remnants of her former accent came through. “Swear to me you will not.”

I hesitated. I didn’t know this girl, and she was asking a lot, but I trusted her. Or at least trusted that she needed to tell me something and it was imperative that only I knew.

“I swear.”

“You cannot trust Her or Ezra. He’s not thinking clearly. He wasn’t always this way—you are not meant to be here. They are lying to you. And they convinced your brother of their plans. But help is coming.”

She brought her forehead to mine to stare into my eyes. “Don’t give up, Luke.”

The soft caress of her kiss was enough to make my head spin, but not from her touch. The girl in front of me cared about me, and I wanted to be there for her.

I wiped her tears. “It will be okay.”

“It will be if they succeed. We’ll be free. You and I. It’s not safe for you or for me if you tell them about this.”

Help is coming. Was this an illusion? Was I imagining the girl? Did I make this up to make myself feel better? Something in me stirred at the mention of help.

But it hurt. Another knifelike pain to the chest. Why was this happening, and why now? What could I do? I could tell Her. This was something they’d want to know, but Cecily looked like she’d been through a lot, and through all of it, she’d only asked that I keep fighting. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to, but I promised, and a promise was a promise.

Our faces were so close, and I felt like I was seeing her for the first time. I knew the queen was beautiful, but when I wasn’t swarmed with Her gravity, I could see it in her round green eyes and soft plump cheeks.

“You have my word.”

It wasn’t because she was beautiful. Zach would say it’s because she’s a vulnerable girl and I can’t help but to want to save people, but as I stared into her eyes, I saw myself. Pleading. Hoping. Fighting.

When she blinked again. The color in her eyes was gone. The gravity of Her hit me so hard I nearly fell to my knees in a bow. I let that familiar feeling fall back over me at Her presence. I wasn’t as scared of it anymore.

“What did you say, My Love?”

“I said . . . I’m glad I’m where I need to be.”

She let me take Her arm, and we continued to walk. My mind reeled with the thoughts of Cecily. Kilian mentioned it was theorized that souls of the girls were trapped in the bodies of the queens. He was right. Cecily was trapped in there, and for some unknown reason, she’d been able to come out. Only, the queen hadn’t realized or remembered, and if I was correct—even with looking directly into my future, She hadn’t seen it coming.