Page 27 of This Blood That Breaks Us (This Blood That Binds Us, #3)

Twenty-One

Zach

“Again,” I called to Henderson, and he circled me in the grass inside the front gate of the castle grounds.

The fucker was improving. Because I made him better.

“Can’t we stop?” Henderson’s chest was covered in blood. All his.

“Don’t you want to be better? The best?”

They were an ungrateful lot. I’d even let them have outside fight time on the one day it wasn’t raining. I continued to train with Sirius but less. I’d been promoted to teacher, and fuck, was it fun.

He groaned and came at me again. I’d taken the position of his partner since Sirius had taken two of Connell’s fingers that day in the tunnels, not that he couldn’t fight, but I’d convinced Ezra his talents were better used elsewhere and not as a punching bag.

He was in charge of the tour service that ran to the island. A service that brought in money and more importantly, bodies and blood. The blood from the blood bank mostly went to those of us learning to fight. I trained so much I never needed to drink from humans anymore, but I didn’t miss hunting. A quick blood bag every two weeks was way easier.

Everyone there was old enough to wipe memories except Connell, but he loved it from what I could tell. He was personable enough for the job, and it kept him away from Luke, which was a win for me. I’d ordered Connell to stay away from Luke because every time Luke would see him in the hall, he’d spiral.

When Luke spiraled, it put us both on our ass for days. Sometimes, we couldn’t leave our room because the pain was so intense. He hurt, so I hurt. Therefore, we both kept hurting and crashing into each other.

Henderson came at me again, and I shoved his face into the dirt. “You have to be faster.”

“I can’t! I’ve lost too much blood.”

“You think that will stop your enemy? Get up.”

I placed a heel on his back, barely weighing him down.

“I-I can’t.”

“Are you even trying?”

“Yes!”

“I guess that means they win. And do you know what happens when someone else wins?”

“No.”

“Do I see tears?”

“No, stop it—”

He tried to get up, but I didn’t move my shoe. Someone had to teach him this lesson, and it might as well be me.

“When someone overpowers you, that means they get to do whatever they want with you.” With one foot firmly on his back, I moved the tip of my shoe to his face. “Kiss my shoe.”

“What?”

“Move me. Or kiss my shoe. Your choice.”

“Sir—”

“Kiss. My. Shoe.”

He did, and I reveled in the euphoria. I could get used to that, getting stronger every day to where no one could challenge me. A trickling laughter sputtered out as I enjoyed his humiliation . . . until I saw my brother.

Luke stared back at me a few feet away on the lawn, and the sudden ache in my chest jolted me out of my trance. I hated that aspect of it, the pain, but the bond was good in some aspects. Sometimes, it was the only way I could get a read on how he was actually feeling. It made us closer. As if that was possible. Luke’s beating heart might as well have been in my chest. I felt every emotion he felt.

“You did good today.” I reached down to help Henderson up.

“Uh . . . thanks?”

“Same time tomorrow?”

He groaned, “Yes, sir.”

I flung off the dirt and blood clinging to me and skipped out to see my brother. Surrounding us were a few of the other members sparring on the grass.

I called out, “Keep going! Form check in five.”

Then I promptly addressed my brother, “Luke, you need some sun or something. Fuck.” I grabbed his chin to survey him with Henderson’s blood still on my hands.

His dark circles had dark circles, and his golden glow was gone. He reminded me of the time we got the flu. It was this place. It was draining the life out of him.

“I don’t think it works like that. Plus, it’s never sunny here.”

“Still.”

“Stop worrying about me.”

Luke had stopped smiling. He was struggling. Only, he was having a hard time telling me he was. Another symptom of being here too long. I didn’t mind it so much. I got to fight all the time. I’d gotten used to the gray. The monotony.

“You say that like it’s not my whole personality. And like we’re not bound together by demon witch blood.”

He formed a half-smile. “Speaking of, I need to ask you about something. Walk with me?”

I wiped the rest of the blood from my hands and followed him to the covered stone balcony on the second floor. He was right. It was never sunny, and that day was no exception. Dreary clouds hung in the sky like they might pour down any minute.

“I want to see Her more. I think it will help. You don’t need to watch over me anymore.”

“Luke. That’s a shit idea.”

“I-I just . . . walking with Her in the morning is when I feel the happiest. Maybe that’s what I need. I don’t know. But I have to try something else. I don’t feel like I’ve found my place yet.”

I’d never told Luke about that night with the queen when I confirmed his theory and Cecily had listened. She’d not asked for Luke during a new moon since that day. Ezra kept his part of the deal too. The first new moon he took Luke over to the mainland for a few days for client work with the blood bank, I’d had to take his place. It wasn’t terrible, but since then, I had done nothing but try to distance myself from Her, and it worked. The last new moon, Ezra had to send us away because the pain of the bond got so bad that Luke and I could not stop crying—fucking embarrassing. We spent a full twenty-four hours crying—according to Will who thought the whole thing was ridiculous and a little funny. It was ridiculous but it wasn’t funny. No clue what caused it either. I remember feeling so sad I thought it would kill me. Every time we looked at each other, we cried harder, and the usual comfort thing wasn’t working. We tried to separate, but that made it worse. Sirius and Ezra had seen nothing like it.

A few nights away in a cabin by the cliffs helped.

“What would She even need you for?” I asked.

“You know . . . making sure She’s comfortable.”

“She’s got Her little servants for that.”

They did it all. Combed Her hair. Did Her manicures. Helped Her count Her jewels. I didn’t know. I didn’t care if I wasn’t the one doing it. Everyone fought for their chance to be anointed during our prayer meetings. Sometimes, it was like Connell’s with the memory taking, but mostly, it meant getting picked to be Her maid and follow Her around for the week. Bullshit.

“I know, but what if She gets lonely? She needs someone to talk to.”

“Luke. No. I stand by it being a terrible idea.”

“Right.” He looked out over the garden and the labyrinth. A few flowers had bloomed.

“You don’t need my permission.”

“I know that. But I don’t like doing anything behind your back.”

“You want my blessing.”

“Kinda.”

I didn’t see how it could do anything but spell more trouble for me, but I knew the only time my chest didn’t hurt was in the morning during that walk. It could help. Or maybe I was desperate to get Luke relief. I felt guilty for not telling him about Cecily, especially when he was always honest with me, but we’d be worse off than we were now. I wanted him to accept this place because it was killing him not to.

He was right, more time with Her could help him get acclimated.

“Will you promise to tell me if She tries anything weird or offers you Her blood?”

“You don’t need to lecture me on that. I already got the full earful from Ezra.”

“Good.” We didn’t need a replay of the last time we drank. That night when we both gave in. Even after we knew what She did to Sarah, we chose Her.

If Luke drank Her blood again, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stay away from Her either.

“I promise. I’ll stay away.”

“It’s not that simple, and you know that. It’s not exactly a choosing thing.”

There was no way to consent. Not when being near Her made me want Her. To touch Her. Love Her. Worship Her. I knew all of that, but it didn’t stop me from feeling guilty for all the times I’d given in. Luke never talked about it, but he knew that exact feeling.

We’d both betrayed Sarah that day.

We’d been in Her room. Donating. We weren’t required to do that anymore, but it reminded me of the high I used to chase in high school. I used to buy Xanax off a friend in class before Luke made me stop. It caused our only physical fight Luke and I had ever had. I’d hit him first for taking the pills from my locker, and he was right to kick my ass for it.

Her blood was a hundred times better.

I tried not to think about it. Her lips on my skin. Being needed by Her, and the feeling of my body growing weaker as She took everything from me. It was so freeing to let go and be Hers. That’s why we gave in. I reminded myself like I’d reminded Luke many times. It wasn’t fair. There wasn’t an even playing field. Luke had grabbed Her first, and I couldn’t stop myself from biting Her.

It was the happiest I’d ever felt in my life, but I told no one else that.

“I know, but I’ll be careful.”

“No blood exchanges?”

“Promise.”

“Fine. If it helps.” I wrapped an arm over his shoulder. “Come on, let’s go walk the pond you like and get a beer at The Underground.”

I resolved to abandon my waiting students. My brother needed me more.