Page 31 of This Blood That Breaks Us (This Blood That Binds Us, #3)

Twenty-Five

Zach

I said I wouldn’t trust Ezra again, but I lied. Well, more like, I didn’t have a choice.

The difference between Sirius and Ezra was Ezra was sympathetic. Which was ironic, considering Sirius had an actual blood brother he’d been bonded to. I didn’t trust Sirius not to hurt Luke, but Ezra seemed to at least try to help my brother. The only thing I could trust Sirius with was to kick my ass and hang me on a stake and watch me burn if it pleased him or Her.

He’d even asked Ezra to help me get blood to replenish all he’d taken. Fucker.

“How are you faring?”

Ezra handed me a blood bag while wrapping my wrist. He’d taken me to his room, and I tried to hide my smile at the wardrobe that was mostly intact. It was now sitting on the ground with no legs.

“Been better, I think.”

“You let him take your blood? Didn’t even throw a punch?” He smirked.

“No. I’m tired of getting my ass kicked. Sometimes, it’s easier to let him do his thing. Even if it’s . . . weird.”

“You were praying in the church?”

“Yeah, and one minute I’m on my knees, then the next I’m right next to that mural and could feel it. Like I was in some horror movie.”

His voice grew softer. “It scared you.”

“Yeah. A little. This felt dark. Uncontrollable. He wants me to take his place and be all Mr. Prayer, and I don’t know if that’s me. I’m trying. Then when I try and do feel something, it freaks me out.”

Ezra was the only one I could talk to about it. The only time Luke had to pray was during our weekly group prayer in the cathedral, and what he described was different. He never talked about Her the way I thought of Her. He was always connected to the soul and The Divine and some shit.

“You’re doing well. Luke too. He’s safe. You’re safe. All is moving along as it should. Sirius would like you to take over his duties, but not all of his roles will fall to you. He wants to teach you because you’re the only one he has to teach now. He knows that. You don’t need to worry. You can’t mess it up, and it won’t rush to you before you’re ready. Fate comes at the right moment.”

I bit into the blood bag as Ezra finished the bandage. I wouldn’t need it for long. The blood would heal me quickly.

He continued. “Ascension will change things for you and your brother. The stars are lined in your favor, and it’s going to come together in perfect harmony. These things you’re worried about won’t matter. I promise.”

I liked the sound of it even if it was cryptic. Because Luke’s feelings were mine now, I’d grown so worried it was eating me alive. No matter which way I turned, I craved something solid to help keep me up. I wanted my hard outer shell back.

“Can I ask you something about Ascension?”

“Anything.”

“Is it . . . a sex thing? I want to wrap my head around it so I know what to expect.”

Ezra broke into a soft laughter.

“Why are you acting like that’s not a valid question when everyone here looks at Her like they’re seconds away from humping Her leg?”

“It is. I’m sorry I laughed. It’s not a sexual thing. It’s the exchange of blood. She’ll give you Hers, and you’ll give yours. It’s very personal but not inherently sexual.”

“We’ve done that before, though.”

“The amount and the timing matters. There are certain celestial markers we look for.”

“Oh good, then.”

“Zach, no one here will make you do things you don’t want to if that’s what’s worrying you. The mortal body has needs, but you don’t have to be the one to fulfill them if you don’t desire to. All of that isn’t the point of The Guard. We serve Her by guarding Her and ensuring the physical body of The Divine is kept safe from harm for eons. So we can continue to live on the earth and bring people into our family.”

“No. I only wondered.”

“You also don’t need to feel ashamed if you do want to fulfill that role for Her—”

“I don’t.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Shame doesn’t exist here in our family. There is only serving Her. And after Ascension, you’ll know exactly what that role is. You’ll feel it in your being. You’ll be joined with Her in pure bliss.”

“It will help what’s happening with me and Luke, then? The bond is getting worse. It feels like we’re the same person. I can’t even argue with him anymore without it making me feel like shit. It wasn’t like this for you guys?”

“You and your brother were very close before the bond, and now much closer than before.”

Being blood bonded to Luke meant I couldn’t help but to be a little soft, but being soft here was a death sentence to my sanity.

“What about Sirius? He had a brother.”

“Still. They weren’t like you and Luke.”

Ezra busied himself with the cleanup of our mess by chucking bits of bloodied cotton into the bin.

“You’d think he’d give a little grace.”

“He barely remembers his brother’s face. Let alone the feeling of being bonded to him. I think he sees his brother in you. It keeps him from seeing you clearly. Eros was very devoted. They prayed in the old church every morning together.”

“Well, I wish he’d stop. How did you guys forfeit the bond? Asking for a friend.”

“You and Luke are meant to be bonded. Granted, it’s quite intense, but it’s appropriate for your roles for now. Once Sirius’s brother died and our bond was broken, the pain was too much. We couldn’t go on. We were in danger of being taken out completely, so with Her help, we severed it.”

“By . . . ”

“She took specific memories from Sirius and me. No memories. No pain. No memory. No bond.”

“But those memories are still there. They’re just blocked. You could be bonded.”

“Being bonded won’t help Her. Sirius and I have accepted the resolve that we must move on and help you both accept your roles.”

“And if you were bonded, you’d both be slobbering messes feeling Luke’s and my pain. Especially when you end up dead.”

He didn’t seem scared. Like he’d accepted his ultimate death a long time ago.

“Precisely. Right now, you’re both too focused on each other. You need a commonality. You’ll acclimate. The bond will soften and snap into place. You’ll know when it does.”

“It’s killing me. I can’t have something happen to Luke right now, or I don’t think we’ll make it. And I mean anything. He stubs a toe, and suddenly, I’m sobbing.”

“That’s why we’re protecting you. Until Ascension, it’s imperative you’re both kept safe.”

I nodded and moved to get up off his bed and continue on with my day. They were likely already waiting on me in the training room.

“Luke told me he was going to spend more time with Her. I’m worried.”

“I know. I’ll keep an eye out. Make sure She isn’t tempting him.”

“He should be fine, though, right? Ascension is set in stone.”

“There are different fates.”

My throat tightened. “Excuse me. Come again.”

“The future can change. There’s a grand prophecy, but things can shift. Prophecy must be protected. There are bad paths.”

“And Luke falling into temptation is a bad path.”

“Yes, She’s seen it but has no belief it will come true. There are many unfavorable paths, and it’s all based on what we choose. Having Her sight only helps us increase our chances of a favored outcome.”

“We’ll both ensure that doesn’t happen, then.”

“Agreed.” He plopped down next to me.

The wooden bed frame cracked, and the bed came crashing down into a large heap on the floor.

“You wouldn’t happen to know why all my furniture keeps breaking, would you?”

I jumped up and headed toward the door.

“Nope. Gotta go.”