Page 68 of The Primal of Blood and Bone (Blood and Ash #6)

POPPY

“I think she figured out the bad part of being a Deminyen ,” Thorne noted.

I had. But did designing the Courts that way work? Clearly not. All one had to do was point to Kolis to prove it was a failure.

Still, I returned Thorne’s smile with my own close-lipped one. “I’m not sure it’s all that bad.”

Thorne chuckled, and the sound startled me. It sounded so much like—

“I would have to disagree with that sentiment,” Lirian grumbled.

“I’m going to be the mature one and ignore that comment,” I said.

“You do realize,”—Lirian propped his back against the window—“that it’s not all that mature when you point out what you’re attempting to do.”

I rolled my eyes. Whatever .

Folding an arm over my stomach, I took a deep breath that did little to ease the tightness in my chest as I considered everything. A sense of dread built within me as my thoughts kept returning to one thing.

“You said it was the Arae’s duty to ensure the balance and see that the Ancients remained in the ground,” I said, picking up a loose strand of hair and twisting it instead of the sash. “But they woke. How?”

“I was wrong.” Lirian’s stare flickered over me as he shook his head dismissively. “You haven’t figured it out yet.”

This time, I would be extra mature and not point out that I planned to ignore that comment.

“The act of giving mortals free will,” Thorne spoke, “therefore allowing them to experience emotion, set off a startling chain of events that was both miraculous and terrible. No matter what anybody did, nobody could prevent what the Ancients dreamed.”

I stopped moving as dread slithered up my spine. I dropped the strand of hair and folded that arm around my waist.

Thorne’s eyes met mine, the colors now still. “They couldn’t prevent you .”

Unease exploded within me, every part of my being recoiling at what he said, causing me to take a step back.

“We saw you in our dreams.” Lirian watched me. “Dreams that became visions held by the last mortal oracle and as told by the goddess Penellaphe. Dreams that many saw as a warning of what was to come—the fact that balance could not be kept.”

Fingers digging into my sides, I continued backing up as if putting physical distance between us could somehow change things.

Make it so I wasn’t the cause of all the destruction and death beyond the Primal Veil.

“How?” I demanded hoarsely, looking between the two Arae. “How did I upend the balance?”

“You were born,” Lirian stated.

I gaped at him. “Wow.”

He lifted a shoulder, and I could only stare at him, unable to believe that a Fate had just shrugged at me.

“That’s not an easily answered question, as it has been in the making since the dawn of man.” Holland tilted his head. “Many tried to stop this from happening: Eythos. Seraphena and Nyktos. Primals whose names were lost to time. My brethren. The Unseen—”

“Alastir?” I gasped.

Holland nodded.

“My gods.” I spun away from him, my stomach twisting. I pressed my fingers against my mouth as bile rose. I feared there was a very good chance I might be sick.

“If it is any consolation,” he said. “Eloana’s part in Alastir’s actions was as she claimed. She did not understand the prophecy.”

“I don’t think that is any consolation,” Lirian commented.

A ragged laugh left me. Was it comforting to know? I guess. But…

I closed my eyes, my throat burning as sorrow seized my heart. “I caused all those people to die.”

“Yes,” Lirian said quietly. “Your birth stirred Kolis into consciousness, and awakening from your Ascension was the final trigger.”

I flinched.

“But it is not your fault,” Holland told me.

“My Ascension upset the balance. That caused the Ancients to wake, which led to the deaths—”

“But it was not your choice. Nor was it a result of your actions.” Holland set his glass aside. “I have a feeling that if you had known what would happen, you would have done everything in your power to ensure it didn’t—even if that meant forsaking your life.”

He was right. There was no way I would’ve chosen life, knowing it meant an untold number of people would lose theirs.

Gods. Everything suddenly felt heavy. My bones. My skin. My organs.

“The Ancients in the ground there were disturbed before your Ascension,” Thorne said, his eyes narrowing as he studied me. “The mortals were encroaching upon places…sacred to those who’d built their realm. Some started Awakening eons before because of it—their sleep full of unrest. We sensed it.”

“Are you saying they would’ve Awakened anyway?”

He took a drink and nodded. “It is quite possible.”

Possible. Not guaranteed. And even if they were bound to wake, it didn’t take away the fact that they had now because of me.

“You didn’t know, Poppy.” Lowering his foot to the floor, Holland rested his arms on his knees. “You didn’t choose this,” he repeated. “Their blood isn’t on your hands.”

My heart joined the twisting in my stomach. I could taste the sourness of my guilt as my eyes fell closed. It choked me, even though what he’d said was true.

“However, if you allow yourself to wallow in guilt that does not belong to you, then you will have the blood of hundreds of thousands on your hands.”

My eyes snapped open, and I faced him. “I’m not wallowing. I know I’m not actively at fault but knowing that my mere existence caused all that death is still a lot to process.”

“I understand,” Holland said. “But we must focus on what is at hand and what is at risk now. Not all the Ancients Awakened. There are more—ones asleep deep beneath the streets of Solis and the homes of Atlantia. And their rest has also been disturbed.”

My arms unfolded. “By my Ascension?”

“By your birth and Kolis’s awakening,” Lirian said, propping his head against the window.

Great. “How many?”

“The exact number is unknown, but that doesn’t matter, Poppy,” Holland said. “You saw what one Awakening is capable of.”

I had. “How do I make sure more don’t Awaken?”

“You already know,” he said. “You must stop Kolis.”

“But he’s a Primal of a Court. Who will rise—?” I cut myself off. “Nyktos. And…”

And Casteel? If he was like me, a true Primal of Death? Something about that didn’t feel right.

“I can neither confirm nor deny that.”

My eyes narrowed on Holland.

“But that is not an issue right now,” he continued, and someone— Thorne ?

—snorted. “Kolis cannot remain in the mortal realm for various reasons.” The blue and green of his eyes began to churn as what sounded like Lirian banging his head off the window came from his direction.

“The first is that Kolis is a Primal of a Court.”

“His presence will influence the mortal realm,” I said, “where ours would not.”

“And you know what that means.”

I did. And I didn’t need the gift of Primal knowledge to know.

Death.

“Primals of a Court are not meant to linger among the mortals. His presence in the mortal realm has already upset the balance. The longer he remains, the more the balance tips. But…” Holland took a deep breath. “That is not all.”

“Of course, it’s not,” I muttered, my heart thumping.

“Kolis aspired to be the true Primal of Life and Death,” Lirian said.

“He was stopped before. If he had succeeded, he would’ve upset the balance just as your Ascension did.

” He pushed away from the window and straightened.

“I doubt his goal has changed. If he succeeds now, drains you of your essence, and takes it into himself, he will become the Primal of Blood and Bone.”

At least I knew why he’d attempted to control me. He likely wanted to lead me to him so he could take my essence.

“If that happens,” Lirian said, “it will not tip the balance.”

“Well, I guess that’s good news,” I muttered.

“It will only mean your death,” Holland finished.

My mouth dropped open. “ Only my death?” A laugh threatened to burst free, and once again, it wasn’t a nice one.

I knew it would sound crazed. “It’s not just my death.

It would mean the deaths of…” The words were hard to speak.

To even consider. “It would mean Casteel’s and Kieran’s deaths, too.

” My hands opened as the throbbing in my head picked up. “And likely a lot more people.”

“Many would die under Kolis’s rule.” Thorne’s voice drew my gaze.

His penetrating stare seemed to have the power to see through me, to examine me from within.

“Everyone, from gods to mortals and all that lies between, has the capacity for good and bad within them. A balance of both. Until they don’t.

Kolis doesn’t. Any ounce of good left in him is long gone now. ”

I imagined so after being entombed for only the gods knew how long—not that he wasn’t already a problem before then, at least based on what little I knew about him.

Gods.

“And that is what Kolis wants?” I asked. “To rule?”

“We can only presume to know what Kolis wants,” Lirian was quick to say. “His future is unknown to us. As is yours.”

Frustration burned through me. “So, you could see up to this point and then…nothing?”

“We saw many possibilities of what could be.” Holland loosely threaded his fingers. “Getting to this point was just one of them.”

That sounded really convenient to me.

Facing the window, I tried to process everything he’d said, but it was a lot.

The weight of it settled heavily on my shoulders as I watched the clouds drift by.

Maybe it was too much. The enormity of it all was daunting, and I felt the pressure building within me as my thoughts raced. But I had to deal with it.

There was no other choice.

I needed to prioritize. Focus on the most pressing issue. That’s what Casteel and Kieran would do. It’s what I did when I started the war with the Blood Crown.

“Do you believe more Ancients will Awaken? In other realms?” I asked. “I need to know if there’s a chance something will randomly pull me away again.”

“All who will Awaken due to your Ascension have.”

“They have the power to cross the Primal Veil, right?” My stomach tightened. “What will stop them from doing that?”