Page 144 of The Primal of Blood and Bone (Blood and Ash #6)

My heart skipped at the intrusive thought, and my mind immediately started spewing out denials. It seemed impossible. Unreal. But it was real. I wasn’t the girl who’d fallen off a cliff, though. Not really—

“Poppy.”

Gods, I was terrible at prioritizing.

Drawing in a shallow breath, I forced a smile and decided I should fake it until I made it. “We should head back.”

He didn’t respond.

I peeked over at him.

Casteel watched me, his arms crossed, testing the seams of that ridiculously tight shirt.

He did make it look good, though.

I shuffled uncomfortably, my fingers running over the clasps on my vest. “Why are you staring at me?”

“Because you’re beautiful.”

My chest fluttered, but I managed to keep my voice bland as I said, “Really.”

“Yes.” He tilted his head, and a moment passed. “I can tell a thousand different things are running through your mind.”

I snorted. “Is it that obvious?”

“A little.” Turning from me, he picked up Seraphena’s glass and moved to the liquor cabinet. “What would you like to drink? Sherry? Or…” He picked up a decanter with some liquid that matched his eyes. “Whiskey?”

“Do you think we should be having a drink right now?”

“What I think is that there will never be a time where drinking is more suitable.”

I snorted like a pig—not a piglet. “True, but—”

“We’ll head back soon.”

“But,” I repeated, “we need to check on things in Lowertown and see if Thad returned from Pensdurth.” Another thing occurred to me. “Plus, we have to find out what Malik wanted to show us.”

“We will do all of that soon.” Casteel glanced over his shoulder at me. “Just a drink. Then we return.” He grinned, that dimple in his right cheek peeking out. “So, whiskey?”

I sighed. “Sure.”

Casteel flipped over two fresh glasses and poured. “The one thing I can’t complain about when it comes to the Ascended in and near Carsodonia,” he said, walking the drinks over to me and handing me a glass, “is that they actually have good liquor.”

I didn’t know there was a difference between the liquor in Masadonia and that in the capital. I hadn’t really had many chances to sample the offerings.

He sat on one of the longer couches and leaned back as best he could with the swords and dagger strapped to him. “Sit with me?”

Cradling the drink, I made my way over to him and sat. I took a sip, surprised by the liquor’s smoothness, but it still made my stomach churn. Though it wasn’t the whiskey doing that. It was why I knew Casteel wanted to linger here.

“So,” he drawled, and I tensed. “You going to tell me why you want to kill one of the Fates?”

I blinked, not expecting that question. “I was hoping you’d forget that.”

He snorted. “You should’ve known better.”

“I asked them if they were going to do anything about the other realm.” I rubbed my thumb across the glass. “They said they couldn’t because there were rules.” I rolled my eyes. “And, well, I kind of lost my temper.”

“Is that so?” he asked with a hint of amusement in his tone.

I shared with him how I’d told them I thought their idea of balance made no sense. “I called them out on how they’ve stood by and done nothing when things clearly weren’t balanced, and the conversation sort of escalated from there.”

“How so?” There was no amusement in his tone then.

“I realized that the reason they didn’t want to intervene was because they were weaker than the Ancients who were Awakening. I called them cowards, and Lirian didn’t take it well. He started running his mouth.” I took a drink. “He brought up how others had tried and failed to, well…you know.”

“No.” His tone was flat. “I don’t.”

I took a deep breath and braced myself. “To kill me.”

Casteel remained quiet.

That wasn’t the reaction I’d expected. I glanced at him. His jaw was set, and the glow of eather behind his pupils was vivid. “He said even Millicent wanted me dead.”

A muscle in his jaw throbbed. “What else did he say?” he asked.

“Well, at that point, I kind of swung on him, and he responded by basically freezing me. He ran his mouth a little more, and that’s about when I promised that I would find out how many of them could die before the realms unraveled.”

“You plan on carrying through on that?” he asked after a moment.

I looked at him. “I do.”

“Good.” The smile that graced his lips was vicious. “Because if you didn’t, I would.”

The corners of my lips tipped up. “Well, let’s hope they can afford at least one of them dying.”

Casteel nodded curtly, took a drink, then pulled his lower lip between his teeth. When his gaze returned to mine, the eather in his eyes had calmed. “I want to know how you’re really handling everything.”

The muscles in my neck tensed.

“You need to talk about it,” he pressed.

I wasn’t sure what I needed, but I knew it wasn’t that.

Because I had a feeling if I thought about what he wanted me to talk about, my mind would go to how he was handling the news.

Whether it changed things for him—just a little.

Because how could it not? My stomach twisted.

Of all the things I should be worried about, that should be at the bottom of the list. I knew that, but it was important to me.

Because he was. “There’s really not much to say,” I said, my gaze flicking to the table.

“Besides, there’s something more important we need to discuss. ”

“Doubtful,” he murmured.

“You told me to ask you later why you care about your life,” I reminded him. “It’s later.”

Seconds ticked by in silence. I peeked at him.

Our eyes met, and I felt like I could fall into the pools of amber.

Then he said one word.

“You.”

My lips parted on a sharp inhale.

“It was meeting you,” he continued, my heart picking up speed, thumping heavily. He took a drink. “You know how you said you started to live when you met me? It was the same for me. I was merely existing for so long, driven only by vengeance.”

“Cas,” I whispered, twisting toward him.

His inhale was swift, and his eyes slowly closed, thick lashes fanning his skin. Lowering the hand holding his glass to his thigh, he swallowed. “What I felt for you made me care about myself again. Care about life.”

Tears clogged my throat as I stared at him. “I might…cry.”

Casteel’s eyes opened, and his gaze swung to mine. “I didn’t tell you that to make you cry.”

“I know, but it’s…” Sweet wasn’t a powerful enough word. I blinked back the tears and set my glass on the floor. Moving closer, I touched his cheek. “I love you.”

His eyes searched mine. “I know.”

Sliding my hand back, I sifted my fingers through his hair. “I love you so much.”

He lowered his forehead to mine. “I know, my Queen.”

My fingers tightened around his hair. Eather flashed behind his pupils as his gaze dipped to my mouth.

Under his stare, an aching heaviness settled in my breasts.

I brought his mouth to mine. His lips tasted of those powerful words, and I knew then that he was what I needed.

His kisses. His touch. The feel of his body against mine.

Because I knew nothing else could occupy my mind then.

Being with him had that kind of near-magical ability.

I was moving before I knew it, climbing into his lap. He straightened and moved his glass out of the way as my knees stopped where his swords rested.

“Comfortable?” He tipped his head back and took another drink.

“Yes.” I placed my hands on his shoulders and slid them down.

“Careful,” he warned. “The dagger may not burn you, but it can pierce your flesh.”

I glanced at the bone dagger. “I know.”

A half-grin appeared, revealing the dimple on his right cheek. “You totally forgot the dagger was strapped there.”

“Maybe.” I reached for the hilt and undid the strap, freeing the blade and holding it between us.

“Should I be concerned?”

“You tell me,” I remarked, my eyes tracing the wolf etched into the blade. “It really is beautiful, isn’t it?”

“It is,” he said, setting a hand on my hip to steady me as I leaned over and set the dagger on the end table. “You just had a whole lot of heavy shit laid at your feet, Poppy.”

“Yeah,” I murmured, straightening and turning my attention to the straps of his baldric.

“You seriously have no memories of Sotoria?”

“Nothing beyond what I dreamt while in stasis.” I drew my fingers down a strap.

He was quiet for a moment. “Maybe that’s why you keep standing at the windows.”

My gaze lifted. “Keep? It thought I only—”

“You did it two nights ago.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. “I don’t remember that.”

“But you remember the nights before that?”

“Mostly,” I said, feeling him tense. “I don’t remember why I was standing there, but I do remember us .”

He nodded as my gaze lowered. Did some part of my subconscious somehow remember being Sotoria? Was that part stronger while I slept? It was the only thing that made sense. I wished it didn’t.

“Seraphena said maybe I remembered more about her when I was a child.” I returned my focus to the straps. “But I don’t recall being weirded out by the Cliffs then.”

“And now?”

I nodded as I found the buckle on his side.

“Maybe your Ascension unlocked some feelings associated with things related to Sotoria,” he suggested.

That made sense. But I didn’t like that it did.

“And you don’t remember the nightmare you had?”

“No.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. I only remembered the…gold bars.

“You’ve always recalled them before,” he said as I toyed with the buckle. “What is different—what are you doing?”

Having unbuckled the harness, I felt the weight of the sword shift. “Nothing.”

He took another drink as my fingers moved to the other buckle. “Doesn’t seem like nothing, my Queen.”

Unhooking the second sword, I placed my hands on his chest and ran them under the now-loosened straps. With the shirt like a second skin, I felt how his muscles tensed. “You know, I don’t really mind the shirt. You look good in it.”

“Of course, I do.”

“Arrogant.”

Cas winked. It was still a little infuriating how sexy he looked doing it while I appeared as if I had a twitch if I tried.

I dipped my head and kissed him. I tasted the woodsy flavor of the whiskey on his lips.

Nipping at his lower lip, I wiggled closer, seating myself more fully in his lap.

He hissed when I pressed down. His lips parted, and he swallowed the gasp that slipped free when I felt the hard length of his cock right against where I wanted him.

The kiss deepened, and I felt his heart rate picking up, its beat mirroring mine.

His hands landed on my hips—both of them. I had no idea where his glass had gone.

“Poppy—”

I kissed him again, silencing him as I leaned in. The contact of my breasts against his chest, even with layers of clothing between us, caused my nipples to tighten to almost-painful points. He kissed me as a raw, needy sound escaped from the depths of his being, eliciting a fine shiver from me.

Heady heat flooded my veins and between my thighs. Gods, I wanted him. And that need emboldened me. I reached between us, my palm slipping over the hard ridge. I felt him spasm inside his soft leather breeches and practically melted.

“Fuck,” Casteel groaned, his hips rising. “Poppy.” One of his hands closed around mine, and my stomach curled low and tight at the thought of him guiding my hand over his length. The pang of desire was so intense that my breath stuttered and—

Casteel pulled my hand away. “That’s not why we’re sitting here.”

My eyes popped open in surprise. Stunned, I watched as he lifted my hand and brought it to his lips.

He kissed my imprint.

I tried to speak, but my throat constricted and nothing came out. Was he…rejecting me?

“I want you to talk to me, Poppy.” His eyes met mine.

Stiffening, my fingers curled around nothing. “But that’s not what I want.”

“It’s what you need.”

“No.” My gaze dropped to his lap. “ That’s what I need.”

“Poppy,” he grunted, his chest rising sharply. “You’ve been through a lot of shit in a short period of time. You killed your mother.”

“I’m fine with that.”

“Then you fell into stasis, where a psychotic Primal god was able to get into your head,” he continued. “You woke up to learn that you’d been under his influence, then were pulled to another realm, only to witness its destruction.”

“Haven’t forgotten that,” I said.

His eyes narrowed slightly. “You fought an Ancient. Without me,” he tacked on with a low growl. “That alone is a lot to deal with.”

“Are you done listing things I remember?”

“No.”

“Great,” I muttered.

“Then there was Stonehill. Then Tawny. Then Lowertown,” he went on. “And now, all of this.”

I didn’t want him to continue, so I decided to quiet him the best way I knew. I lowered my mouth to his.

Casteel caught me by the shoulder and held me back. “And you just found out that your—fuck,” he said, and my stomach once more felt like it curled inward. He shook his head. “You just learned that you lived only the gods know how many lives.”

“I know.” I rocked back, swallowing hard against the knot forming in my throat. “I was there for the conversation.”

He ignored my snarky retort. “It has to have messed with your head.”

“Did it mess with yours?” I blurted before I could stop myself.

Casteel didn’t answer immediately.

When he did, the one word he uttered was like a sucker punch to the chest.

“Yes.”