Page 170 of The Primal of Blood and Bone (Blood and Ash #6)

“We are Deminyen Primals, right? You descended from the true Primal of Life and a Primal of Death. I’m descended from a Primal of War, and both Kieran and I are Joined to you.” His hands slid to my elbows. “There is no telling what we’re capable of.”

There wasn’t.

We were something new.

“And he may still be unaware of what Kieran and I are. He won’t be expecting us to pack the kind of punch we’ll deliver.”

Hopefully, Kolis wouldn’t be prepared. But… “We know how to kill him. We need to do what we know.” My shoulders straightened. “And what I need from you and Kieran is to make sure I can get to him.”

Casteel’s jaw worked as he looked away. Several moments passed as I watched the shadowy essence start to appear beneath his flesh, then disappear. “You can’t expect me to be okay with this.”

I closed my eyes. “I don’t.”

I wasn’t even okay with this.

I kept that to myself, though.

Exhaling roughly, I reopened my eyes. “But you can’t expect me to hang back.”

His eyes cut to mine. “I’m not asking that.”

“It’s what you want. You don’t want me to do what needs to be done, therefore endangering both you and Kieran,” I said. “And that is not something I will do.”

Casteel shook his head. “What good is not endangering us if you’re putting yourself in a position that could end in your death?”

Slipping a hand free of his grip, I cupped his cheek. “He’s not going to kill me.”

The eather pulsed behind his pupils once again. “He killed Sotoria in the past.”

Coldness pierced my chest. “Based on what Seraphena said, I have a feeling that…escalated over time. And I won’t give him that chance.”

He said nothing to that, just leaned his head back. My hand dropped to his chest. Silence stretched out for so long that I started to squirm. Then, he spoke. “He didn’t behave like a man in love when he was in control of you.”

I rocked back, my hand slipping away. “What do you mean?”

“He used you to try to seduce me into taking you out of the cell,” he bit out. “A man in love wouldn’t think of that.”

Staring at him, I tried to imagine what had been going through his head during that. I couldn’t. I didn’t want to. “Kolis…he doesn’t seem like a normal man in love.”

“Some things are universal.” His stare returned to mine. “What he sounded like to me was a man obsessed, and that is not the same thing as love.”

“Do they have to be mutually exclusive?” I questioned. “Because I’m obsessed with you, and I love you.”

He stared at me.

I sighed as my attempt to lighten the mood failed. “I understand.”

“You do?”

I did.

“You want to believe another way will work. If our positions were flipped, so would I,” I said. “But that’s not our reality. This is. We have to agree on that. Okay?”

Another stretch of silence passed before he nodded.

I thought his acquiescence would bring me some relief, but it didn’t.

Tension had entrenched itself into my very core and didn’t ease, even when he tugged me to his chest. The taste of his lips and the feel of him when he rolled me beneath him, didn’t extinguish the tension slowly growing into dread.

Because even though he’d nodded, I saw the truth in his eyes and the set of his features.

And, gods, as I clung to him, kissing him just as fiercely as he did me, I loved him for it. Loved him so much. But I also feared what I saw.

Casteel hadn’t acquiesced, and if he tried to prevent me from getting to Kolis or attempted to do so himself, it would end in disaster.

In death and destruction.

I’ve always been with you.

I woke with a start, my heart thumping as my gaze fixed on the darkened canopy overhead.

The nightmare wasn’t like those I had of Lockswood, where it felt like I was reliving the night. This clung to me in fragments—flashes of gold bars, a cold touch, and his voice.

Kolis’s.

A shiver coursed through me. Dragging in a shaky breath full of Casteel’s pine and lush spice scent, I turned my head to the right.

He lay on his back, the arm closest to me tossed above him, and his head turned slightly away.

The blanket was gathered around his hips, leaving his upper body bare.

I watched his chest rise and fall in a slow, deep rhythm.

I wanted to get as close to him as possible, snuggle up to his side, but I knew it would wake him if I did. He needed his sleep. The fact that my nightmare hadn’t woken him was proof of that. So, I resisted planting myself against him.

My gaze lifted to his face. The striking planes and lines of his features were smooth. The only time he ever looked vulnerable—even somewhat mortal—was when he slept. That hadn’t changed, even though the Joining had changed him in ways we couldn’t have anticipated.

Letting out a slow, even breath, I lifted my gaze to the canopy above again. Had it even been a nightmare? Was it a memory?

My heart turned over heavily. Was that what it was? Broken pieces of a memory and not a nightmare?

Stop it , I ordered myself. Immediately, something worse invaded my thoughts.

The message Valyn had shared with me.

Refuse and serve beneath him .

The disgust I’d felt rolling off Casteel’s father now swirled inside me, making my skin feel slick and oily.

I wanted to chalk it up to a crude threat meant to unsettle me, but it was so similar to what Lady Hawley had taunted.

And here I’d thought what she said was the worst. To serve at Kolis’s feet.

I would do neither.

I would do what was required.

Kill him.

And soon.

Thank the gods Valyn hadn’t said that in front of Cas. If he had, the conversation we’d had before going to sleep never would’ve happened. No one would have to worry about me being the one to shadowstep to Pensdurth.

Casteel would’ve done it.

I couldn’t think of that as I rolled onto my side, willing myself to return to sleep.

It did not come.

Because I also couldn’t stop myself from thinking about what Isbeth knew when she plotted Kolis’s return—when she ensured that Sotoria would be born again. What if she knew everything? What Kolis had done to Sotoria. What he’d likely want from me.

My skin warmed uncomfortably as my stomach turned.

I didn’t know why I was shocked and repulsed.

After all, she’d known what had been in The Star.

She knew exactly what she was doing when she took possession of the Star diamond and what would happen when she freed…

Sotoria’s soul. Sure, she might have been given the brainwashed Callum version of events, but still. Her actions were already abhorrent.

How? How could anyone do that to a stranger, let alone their child?

The silence of the chamber gave no reply, nor did the vadentia .

Frustrated, I closed my eyes. I tried to sleep for what felt like hours but was likely only minutes before my eyes reopened.

Through the gap in the curtains, I saw that the sky beyond the window was dark and endless.

With no moonlight, I could only make out the shape of the cliffside.

I couldn’t look away. The pull was too great.

And no longer entirely inexplicable, was it?

I was drawn to the Cliffs because I’d first died—

Stop it.

I was her but not . That’s what I’d told Tawny. It’s what Kieran and Casteel had both said. So had Seraphena. Still, some tiny parts of me must belong to who she was, who I used to be, even though I felt nothing while holding The Star or while standing on the Cliffs.

A restless sort of nervous energy built inside me, making me want to squirm and kick my legs. I held myself still, like when I was a child and woke in the middle of the night convinced that the Craven had crawled out of my nightmares and into my bedchamber.

Only you can kill him.

My breath snagged in my throat. You won’t have to convince him.

As I lay there, the hazy fragments of the nightmare swirled, almost as if they sought to piece themselves together.

The gilded cage and the chests. The bed and its chains—gods, there had been chains.

And, somehow, I knew they hadn’t always been there.

They had been added, though not after the first time. Or even the second. The—

Stop.

I needed to rest, but here I was, standing at the—

I sucked in a short breath, my entire body jolting. Jerking back a step, I spun around.

I…I wasn’t in bed.

Dear gods. I didn’t even remember getting up, walking to the glass wall, or putting on and buttoning the robe I was wearing.

Lifting my trembling hands, I ran them through my hair.

How could I do all of that and not even realize it?

Sure, I’d been so caught up in my thoughts at times that I’d done things I didn’t remember.

Like getting a drink. But not this . Standing here, I felt like I was losing my mind.

Because I knew—gods, I knew—that I’d been standing here for more than a few seconds.

Something like this can’t be okay.

I lifted a hand and pressed it against the cool glass. The fragments continued swirling in my thoughts, each coated in bitter fear, soaked in pity that turned to icy hate, and drenched with shame. They were trying to piece themselves together to tell a story I didn’t want to learn.

Slender beams of silver moonlight broke free, creeping across the Cliffs’ pale, jagged rocks and climbing the rock face as the clouds passed overhead. Moonlight reached the—

I went completely still as the pale light washed over the peak of the Cliffs, momentarily bathing the meadow in light. I saw it then—the still, shadowy form of someone standing. Watching.

The moonlight faded, once more obscured by the clouds. My heart thundered against my ribs as I stared into the darkness, unable to see anything now but knowing what I’d seen in those brief seconds.

I yanked my hand back. My breath came in short bursts as I opened my senses. I didn’t feel Kolis.

So much so that he refused to let her go.

Kolis wasn’t here.

Even in death.