Page 130 of The Primal of Blood and Bone (Blood and Ash #6)

POPPY

The breath I took went nowhere as I pressed my hand to my stomach.

I knew it.

But I had hoped I was wrong.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, hating that apologies were all I could give her. “He was protecting us—the city. If he and Saion hadn’t shown up…”

Seraphena nodded, her throat working on a swallow.

“Sera,” Reaver called, his gravelly voice soft in a way I’d only heard it once—at Ironspire.

“I’m okay,” she assured him, her eyes opening.

The glint of unshed tears was still there, and her hands were fisted tightly, but her voice was steady.

“Rhahar was so incredibly brave to make the choice he did. He had a split second to make it, and he did. He gave his life not only for his cousin but also for the realms.”

Hearing about his sacrifice made my chest ache, even as confusion rose. “I…I don’t understand.”

“Rhahar belonged to a Court Nyktos and I created, one not tied to the essence of the realms as Saion’s Court is. If Saion had perished?” Seraphena’s gaze lifted and roamed over the walls and ceiling. “I do not believe we would be standing in this chamber right now. It would be underwater.”

That made sense. It was why I had hoped I was wrong.

The release of power was nowhere near as bad as it should have been when a Primal fell.

But I didn’t understand how or why Seraphena and Nyktos had created a Court for Rhahar.

Or why he’d felt like a Primal god. So many questions rose.

I started to ask one of them but stopped myself.

It didn’t feel right to badger her with questions.

“I am truly sorry,” I repeated.

A small smile appeared. “He knew what could happen when he left for this realm. As did Saion. It was a risk both knowingly took.”

I nodded, even though I was sure that knowledge didn’t make his death any easier to process.

I didn’t know Rhahar, but I was still saddened by his death.

I couldn’t imagine what it would have been like if I’d known him for as long as she had.

But I did know what loss felt like. I knew how heavy and sharp it was.

How it felt nearly impossible to overcome.

“Rhahar said Nyktos believed it was a trap,” Casteel spoke up.

Her gaze returned to him. “He did, and it was.” She cleared her throat and blinked several times.

I knew before she spoke that she would do what I would when desperately trying not to let how much I was affected show.

She would change the subject. “I know Ascensions can be difficult.” She paused, the essence pulsing vividly in her eyes. “Yours more than anyone else’s.”

My stomach twisted sharply as my mind flashed from Kolis to feeling her presence in the field of poppies. “It was…” I glanced up at Casteel, noticing the tic in his jaw. “What it was.”

Her brows rose.

I stepped closer to Casteel. “But I’m fine now.”

“I’m relieved to hear that,” she said, and I heard the sincerity in her voice. “But I wasn’t just speaking about the Ascension and what happened during it. I meant what happened afterward.”

She was talking about the Continents.

“How…bad was it?” Seraphena asked.

“It was…” How could I summarize what I’d seen? Only two words seemed appropriate. “Horrific.” A knot of sorrow lodged in my throat as Casteel folded an arm around my waist. “And devastating.”

Seraphena’s eyes closed. “I knew that. Gods, I did.” Damp lashes lifted. “I tried to go. You shouldn’t have had to face that without me.”

Without me.

Hearing that caused a wholly different kind of emotion to choke me. “I know you tried to cross.” I cleared my throat. “I felt you before you were stopped. But I wasn’t alone. Holland was there.”

“Who is Holland?” Kieran asked, and I realized I’d never mentioned him by name while around him.

“I know who Holland is,” Reaver announced, having sat in one of the armchairs with his apple.

“Good for you, Reaver-butt,” Kieran snapped.

The draken’s eyes narrowed.

“He was one of the Fates,” I told him before turning back to Seraphena. “My Ascension destroyed that realm.”

Casteel stiffened beside me. “Poppy—”

“It’s true. It did,” I said quickly, looking at the Queen. “Right?”

Seraphena didn’t look away. She held my stare, and she didn’t mince words. “Yes.”

“What the fuck?” Casteel growled, stepping forward as Kieran’s head whipped toward her.

I threw an arm out to block Casteel as Reaver moved to stand, the knife halfway through the apple. “It’s the truth. That’s all.”

His gaze flew to mine, the amber of his eyes having cooled to a polished citrine. “It’s not your fault.”

“He’s right,” Seraphena said. “It happened because of your Ascension, but it’s not your fault. You didn’t…choose any of this.”

“I know.” The words tasted a bit bitter.

A moment passed, and then another, before Casteel exhaled heavily. Stepping back, he wrapped his arm around my waist again and pulled me to his side. Tense silence enveloped the chamber.

“This isn’t going at all how I planned,” Seraphena murmured.

“You had a plan?” Reaver once more settled in the chair, cutting through his apple.

“I had the idea of one.” Seraphena inhaled deeply. “Anyway, I’m sure you all have many questions, but first, I need to thank you on behalf of Ash and me. You brought my sons—” Her breath caught, and her eyes closed. “You brought my sons home.”

Anguish, raw and powerful, pierced her shields and slammed into me.

I’d never felt such sorrow before, and the glimpse of what she felt was brief.

I didn’t even get to taste the tangy bitterness or the acidic burn before her shield was back in place.

Still, it was long enough for me to know it wasn’t just agony I sensed in the storm of emotions.

It was also rage.

Scorching, devastating rage that could level cities. That fury mixed with a heavy, choking, helpless sort of sorrow that only a mother could feel. I didn’t know how she bore such torment.

The arm around my waist tightened as Seraphena’s eyes flew open. Streaks of eather swirled through her irises, making me jerk back. Only then did I realize I’d moved toward her, guided by instinct—the need to ease her pain.

Lowering my outstretched hand, I stepped back against Casteel. “Sorry,” I whispered. “I wasn’t thinking—”

“I am the one who should apologize.” She blinked away the glistening sheen in her eyes, swallowing thickly. I suddenly realized Reaver was standing. “I’m fine,” she assured him.

A muscle flexed in his jaw as he watched her for a few seconds and then dropped into the chair by the table again, picking up the piece of apple he’d sliced.

“You would think I’d have better control of my emotions after so many years,” she said with a weak laugh, then cleared her throat. “But my sons…”

“It’s all right,” Casteel said as I reached down and placed my hand on his. His fingers curled against the front of my vest, just above my navel. “We cannot imagine what you and Nyktos felt.”

“I hope none of you ever has to find out.” Inhaling through her nose, she tipped her chin, her gaze meeting mine. “But because of you—because of all of you—both of them are with us now. There are no words to truly express how grateful we are.”

“You don’t have to thank us.” I shifted from one foot to the other, feeling a dull throb of awareness—the approach of…wolven. Many of them.

Behind me, Casteel glanced at Kieran. He was frowning and looking toward the Solar. “How is…Ires?” I asked.

The essence brightened in her eyes and then dimmed. “Your father is resting and recovering.”

My cheeks warmed. Your father. It was hard to think those words, let alone speak or hear them. I started to ask if I could visit him, but was the time right? Did she want me to spend time with him? Would he even want to see me? I exhaled. “And Malec?”

Her lips pressed together. “He is as good as can be expected.”

“We didn’t know that was what…she planned,” I told her, feeling like it needed to be said. “I know that isn’t an excuse, and I don’t mean it to be, but—”

“Reaver already told us that none of you knew what would happen.” Seraphena closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then reopened them.

“We love our sons, both of them. Even when they anger us. That love, though, doesn’t blind us to their faults.

” Shaking her head, she appeared to struggle with what to say next.

“Malec…he has always been independent, needing to forge his own path despite the risks,” she said.

Reaver whistled softly under his breath, and her lips pursed as she seemed to prepare herself.

“We understand why what was done had to be done.”

Shock rippled through me, mirrored in Casteel and Kieran.

Seraphena’s gaze lifted to Casteel. “That doesn’t mean we were happy about it.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to be,” he said, his thumb swiping across my waist. “Neither would my mother.”

The fresh, springy breeze of a wolven’s imprint brushed against my mind. Poppy? came Delano’s voice. Is everything okay?

Focusing on his mark, I opened the singular pathway to him. Yes.

“Eloana,” Seraphena said. “She loved him.”

Another dose of shock swept through me, momentarily severing my connection with Delano.

“How—?” Casteel paused, his thumb stilling. “How do you know that?”

Delano’s voice reached me once more. We’re being…pulled to Wayfair, but I don’t know why. We feel something…unexpected.

I almost laughed. Something unexpected?

“Neither Nyktos nor I were asleep at the time,” Seraphena explained as I glanced at Kieran. His jaw was tight as he pulled his gaze from the Solar and met mine.

I knew what was happening. It was the Primal notam . And as I’d told Casteel, since she was the true Primal of Life, her presence in the mortal realm was strengthening the original notam .

Everything is okay, I told Delano. I think you’ve been called here because the true Primal of Life is here.

There was a beat of silence, and then, The fuck?

I managed not to laugh. Yeah.