Page 53 of The Primal of Blood and Bone (Blood and Ash #6)

POPPY

I sat completely still, the robe forgotten in my lap, as he explained the state I’d been in and how I’d alternated between remembering who I was and not when I woke up the first time.

Or was that technically the second time?

Either way, I now understood why he’d been so concerned about me having a headache.

I listened as he told me how Kolis could connect and communicate with those he was responsible for creating, basically possessing them as he’d done with me—something he could do, even while entombed.

I even remained calm when he explained how Kolis likely forged the connection with me.

I didn’t throw up when I learned that he’d probably had my blood, and I’d had his.

Though I really wanted to. Obviously, I had no memory of randomly ingesting blood, but I knew that could’ve happened without my knowledge—or my consent—at any point.

Casteel didn’t break eye contact as he explained how I’d seemed to know something was wrong and refused to feed until he convinced me.

His thumb didn’t falter in its slow, soothing slide across my cheek as he said I’d fought against Kolis’s influence and had enough self-awareness to stop myself from hurting him, Reaver, and Kieran.

“You, more than any of us, made sure he couldn’t do any damage,” Casteel said, his voice low. He’d been speaking quietly throughout all of this. “You understand?”

I nodded. “I understand.” And I really did, but it all felt like I was listening to a story that didn’t involve me, except for the on-and-off feeling of déjà vu. I wet my lower lip. “What else?”

Casteel had fallen silent, watching me as if he were trying to figure out what was going on inside my mind. “You’re starting to worry me.” His gaze searched mine. “You’re too quiet.”

I was.

I hadn’t said a thing before I told him I understood. “I’m listening.” I forced myself to swallow. Then, I made myself take a breath.

“But are you processing what you’re hearing?” His thumb stilled. “Honestly?”

I nodded.

I was processing.

And I was remaining calm.

“What else?” I forced myself to ask because I knew there was more. Every part of my being said there was.

“He couldn’t get complete control of you.” His jaw flexed. “And he knew that.”

“How?” I asked, and I didn’t need to force myself to do it. “How do you know that?”

A shadow of something flickered across his striking features too quickly for me to catch. “He managed to…push forward a few times. Summon the eather through you and talk through you.”

What he said then fell like daggers against my skin. I jerked back, causing his palm to slip from my cheek. That wasn’t a forced reaction. “Continue.”

Casteel’s hand tightened around mine. “He didn’t try to get you to feed when he could have. That’s how I knew he couldn’t get complete control of you. He needed to keep you weakened.”

So weak .

The sudden image of Duke Teerman, of all people, flashed in my mind.

My breath snagged as I pushed to my feet, pulling on Casteel’s hand as the robe fell to the floor. He hesitated before letting go. I backed up, knowing he was concerned. I felt it heavy against my skin. I wanted to ease his worry, but…

But someone else had taken control of my body and thoughts, and—

I turned away from Casteel as I closed my eyes. The essence hummed through my veins, causing my fingers to tingle. I forced those thoughts to cease because I couldn’t let myself go there right now. If I did, I didn’t know what I would do.

Needing something to do with my hands, I gathered my hair and re-braided it as I faced him. “What did he make me do? When I summoned the eather.”

“When he summoned the eather,” he corrected, bending to pick up the robe. “Nothing.”

I stepped back. “Nothing?”

His stare was unwavering. “You stopped him from using it to truly hurt anyone.”

My gaze sharpened on him as I tugged the tie from my wrist and secured the end of the braid. “But I did, didn’t I?”

“ He did,” Casteel corrected again and then cursed. “Honestly, I don’t know if those times were him, and you prevented him from doing real damage. Or if it was you, using it to keep us safe. But…” He ran his teeth over his lower lip. “You used the eather to push me away from you more than once.”

Okay. That wasn’t bad.

“And while you did use it to throw Reaver against a wall, it was because he and I were fighting,” he quickly added, laying the robe beside him. “Reaver sensed Kolis and tried”—his golden eyes hardened—“and failed to give aid.”

“I threw him against…?” I turned to look at the wall beside the bathing chamber. “That?” I pointed at the fractures. “Was him?”

His gaze flicked to the wall. “Possibly.”

Forcing myself to breathe again, I lowered my hand to my side. “What else?”

“You also tried to escape and managed to get out of the chamber,” he said, running his fingers over the golden chain around his neck. “You were trying to keep us safe, and you might have hit Reaver.”

“I hit Reaver?” I waited for him to elaborate, but all he did was nod, which told me it hadn’t been with my fists. My stomach twisted. “With eather?”

“He was fine.”

My fingers pressed into the soft material of the gown.

“He’s a draken.” Casteel dropped his hand to his leg. “It takes more than a random bolt of eather to hurt a draken.”

Did it? I wouldn’t know because I hadn’t seen a draken take a hit of eather. I’d seen them be struck by lightning—

But that hadn’t been normal lightning, had it? An odd sense of knowing told me that Vessa had managed to harness eather.

“Reaver is fine,” Casteel repeated, snapping me from my thoughts.

That might be true, but it didn’t undo the fact that I hurt him. “What happened after I tried to escape?”

Tension crept into his body, and he lowered his gaze.

“We moved you to one of the cells beneath Wayfair,” he said as more of the muslin wrinkled in my grip.

“I didn’t want to do it.” Thick lashes lifted, and his eyes locked with mine.

When he spoke again, his voice had thinned and roughened.

“I fucking hated putting you in a cell—”

“You had to,” I interrupted, knowing he was thinking of New Haven and what had happened there. “I’m glad you did.”

Casteel stared at me for a moment and then let out a hoarse laugh. “Kieran…” He shook his head. “He said you’d understand.”

“He was right.” I took a step toward him. “I don’t want you to feel guilty about something I don’t even remember.”

He leaned toward me, resting his arms on his legs. “But I remember.”

My heart squeezed. “You did what you had to—” A faint, fragmented image or memory formed. Me running. Being grabbed from behind and spun around to see vivid, wintery eyes. Was this when I had tried to escape? I thought so.

“Poppy?” Concern filled Casteel’s voice.

Swallowing, I glanced at the chamber door for the dozenth time. “Did I hurt Kieran?”

“You punched him when you were trying to keep us away from you. That is all.”

I cringed. That wasn’t as bad as hitting Reaver with the essence. “What…?” A tremor ran through me. “What about you?”

“I already told you. You pushed me away and made sure I didn’t get too close.”

I wanted to believe that. Gods, I needed to believe that I hadn’t hurt him. “How did he forge such a connection with me?”

Casteel sighed. “He marked you.”

I flashed cold, then hot. “What?”

“With the symbol of Death,” he said. “From what I understand, he was able to reach you while in stasis, and that was how it happened.”

I didn’t understand how that was possible. How he could forge some sort of demented bond and mark me without me even knowing—

The floor felt like it moved beneath me. “That voice.”

Every part of Casteel tensed. “What voice?”

“I…I heard a voice while I was in the nothingness.” I moved, unable to stand still. “It was like a whisper.”

“That’s why you asked if anyone else visited with you?”

“Yes.” I went to the window and took my first look at the capital since waking. Or at least, I thought it was the first time since. Scattered light broke up the sea of darkness.

“Do you remember what he said?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Just whispers that…kind of sounded familiar. But that doesn’t make sense. I never heard him speak—” I turned to Cas. “I hate that I don’t remember any of this.”

“What’s important to remember is that you could’ve really hurt us, but you didn’t.” Casteel’s eyes, shining like polished topaz, met mine as he stressed, “You did nothing you should worry about.”

“I will decide later whether to worry about what I may or may not have done because we don’t have time for that right now,” I said, and his nostrils flared. “How do you know he’s not still in me?”

My breath caught as I turned sharply. Bile rose, and there was a really good chance I might have vomited if I’d eaten something recently. He’d been inside me. He could still—

The air cooled as a charge of energy enveloped the chamber, sending a shiver racing down my spine. I spun around, eather swelling and pressing against my skin as it responded to the source of power.

Casteel.

He’d moved without me hearing and now stood not even a foot away, towering over me. My lips parted as I looked up at him. His face…

Shadows had darkened the skin above and beneath his eyes and in the hollows of his cheekbones. And his irises? Silver eather laced with crimson swirled through the amber.

I’d never seen a God of Death, but Casteel looked like one then.

And even though I knew he wouldn’t harm me, I knew he was far more dangerous now than he’d ever been. Every ounce of common sense I had in me said I should probably step back.

“I would prefer it if,” he spoke, and my breath hitched at the sound of his voice. It had completely changed, taking on a smoky undertone, each word laced with icy shadows that sent a tight shiver rippling over my skin. “You never say the words inside you and Kolis in the same sentence again.”