Page 159 of The Primal of Blood and Bone (Blood and Ash #6)

POPPY

What was I doing?

No answer came to me as I stood with my eyes closed, the unseasonably cool breeze tugging at some strands of hair that had escaped my braid.

I’d asked myself that a hundred times since Casteel left to see if any word had come from his father or the others at Pensdurth and to speak with his brother more regarding our new plans surrounding the Ascended. He’d asked if I wanted to go with him.

I politely declined and came here .

Though I didn’t know why . As Queen, I should be checking with him. Guilt churned.

Casteel had hesitated when I said no, and I knew he wanted to ask if I was okay. As Tawny would say, I’d been quiet and still this morning.

But she took over that role last night when I told her about Sotoria. She was shocked and disturbed, even though she tried not to show it. Who wouldn’t be?

I hadn’t thought to ask Casteel about Malik, and if he had convinced him not to go to Pensdurth, and as a wife—his partner—I should have.

That added to the roiling my stomach was doing.

It wasn’t that I didn’t care. I did. The very last thing I wanted was for Malik to run off and get himself killed.

And I was worried he had a reason to: That Kolis had summoned the Revenants, and Millicent had gone, unable to resist his influence.

My chest squeezed so tight it felt like no air could get in.

I didn’t know why I hadn’t shared any of that with Casteel as he’d rooted through the bowl of sugary fruit, picking out the unbruised strawberries and putting them on my plate. It had been on my mind but so had everything else.

Maybe the everything else was why I was here.

Opening my eyes to the overcast skies, I breathed out, heavily and slowly, and lowered my head.

I couldn’t believe I’d come here.

The meadow was really just an outcropping of the Elysium Peaks, roughly positioned at a height just above the spires of the Shadow and Sun Temples and in the shadow of the mountains’ continuous rise.

Pink and violet wildflowers dotted the grass all the way to where clusters of tall elms crowded the base of the Peaks. The blanket of pretty, delicate-looking flowers ended only a handful of feet from the edge Sotoria had fallen from.

Where had the poppies gone?

Or had they never grown here, and what I’d seen in stasis had been a figment of my imagination?

Tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear, I turned slowly. It was so quiet up here. The sounds were the wind and the birds singing to one another.

I pressed my lips together, turned to the Cliff’s edge, and began walking. The meadow was surprisingly peaceful. It didn’t feel like it should be, but it was. I tried to imagine Sotoria making her way up here to pick flowers. It must have taken the better part of a day to do so.

I soon heard water splashing off the stone, and then the grass and wildflowers gave way to packed, rocky soil.

My steps slowed and then stopped. Taking a deep breath, I looked down.

Pale-gray rocks jutted out, forming small, narrow ledges between the sheer drops.

Halfway down and beneath one of those ledges, white-tipped water spilled down the rocks, misting the air as it fell before vanishing into a lake as dark as a night sky.

My gaze shifted to the banks of the lake, where the elms grew so thickly and abundantly, there wasn’t a single hint of the ground below.

I followed the swath of trees to where Wayfair’s towers were visible.

I didn’t feel anything.

Just like I hadn’t when I held The Star. Perhaps that was why I’d come here—to see if I felt connected to the Cliffs. To see if being here made me feel sorrow or anger. Anything. But I didn’t feel a connection to this place. All I felt was annoyance with myself.

If this was where I had…well, run myself off a cliff, shouldn’t I feel something?

How embarrassing.

I found myself staring down at the face of the Cliffs once more as I fiddled with the hooks on the vest I wore.

Had Sotoria landed on one of those ledges below?

Or had she fallen between them into the lake?

Had it been quick, where she struck a hard rock at the right—or wrong—angle?

Or had hitting the water killed her? The height would’ve made the impact devastating, and the fall would’ve been fast but not quick enough that she wouldn’t know what was happening—what was coming.

I had to think, though, that her death had been instantaneous, giving Kolis no time to intervene. There had been no suffering.

That had come later.

Gods, why was I even thinking about this? It was beyond morbid, especially since I wasn’t just considering some random woman in a distant past. I was wondering how I’d died.

Because I was her.

I wanted to scream that I wasn’t, but the lie couldn’t even crawl its way up my throat. I was Poppy.

But I had been Sotoria.

Sighing, I tipped my head back and closed my eyes.

I really shouldn’t have come here. There were so many other things I could be doing.

Training. Working with Casteel and Kieran on how to control the essence.

Finding a way to weaken Kolis. Anything would be more productive than this, including crossing the Veil and entering the Continents to see what new catastrophe the Ancients—

My eyes snapped open as my hand fell away from the clasps on my vest.

The Ancients .

Being they, too, carried the essence of life and death, they were more powerful than Kolis. And they wouldn’t be considered baby Primals either. They were—

“Also completely unhinged,” I muttered. Bringing the Ancients into this would be like fighting fire with oil.

And I didn’t need them.

I already knew what would kill Kolis, and I didn’t need him weakened to do it.

I ran my fingers along the hilt of the bone dagger strapped to my thigh. The grip warmed to my palm, unlike the bloodstone and wolven-bone dagger that never quite did so. I looked down, wondering what material the handle was made of. It was light.

Pressure coiled in my chest as I stared at it. What was I waiting—?

Awareness throbbed in my chest, causing my breath to catch. I turned as the air charged, raising the hairs on my arms. Silver eather sparked a few feet from me, rapidly spreading to form a thin streak of essence that quickly widened.

A second later, Casteel stepped out of the tear in the realm.

My breath snagged again, but for a totally different reason.

Clad in black leather pants that accentuated his height and a tunic cut perfectly to fit the breadth of his shoulders and chest, his nearly otherworldly beauty and the aura of eather in his golden eyes made him look every inch the way I always imagined a god would.

The breeze lifted strands of his wavy, dark hair, tossing it back from the slash of his brows.

I swung my arm in an awkward wave. “Hi.”

A single brow arched. “Hello, Poppy.”

Feeling my cheeks warm, I crossed my arms. What was up with all the waving I was doing lately?

Casteel’s gaze darted behind me and then quickly returned to mine. “What are you doing here?”

“I…don’t know.”

He was quiet for a moment. “As in, you have no recollection of coming here? Or you decided to come here but don’t know why?”

“The second thing you said. I…” I started to tell him that I’d wanted to see if being here made me feel anything, but the words got lodged in my throat. They sounded silly and pointless in my head. Besides, I wasn’t even sure that was why I was here.

“You what?” he asked, watching me closely.

I shook my head and lifted a shoulder. “I’m not even sure what I was about to say.” Ducking my chin, I cleared my throat. “Have we received word from Pensdurth yet?”

“Not as of an hour ago,” he answered, and the knots in my stomach tightened. “When I returned to the Solar and you weren’t there, nor was the bone dagger, I thought you’d gone to Pensdurth.”

I pulled my arms tighter around me. “I agreed not to.”

He took a slow, almost tentative step toward me. “Can you blame me for fearing that anyway?”

“No,” I admitted, exhaling slowly. “How did you know I was here?”

“I wanted to be where you were,” he stated simply, like he’d walked from one chamber to the next. “So, I willed myself there.”

“Damn,” I murmured. “I didn’t even realize we could do that.”

A faint grin appeared. No dimple. “I imagine there are many things we can do that we haven’t realized yet.”

“You’re probably right.” I thought about the fact that he’d shifted. “I still can’t believe you shifted before me.”

“Do you know why?”

I sighed as I tried to communicate the jumbled knowledge.

“Primal gods can shift pretty much whenever they want after they Ascend, but with Ancients—which I guess we’re the closest to as Deminyen Primals—it can take months, years, or even centuries.

You shouldn’t have been able to shift so soon.

It’s not like you have more eather just because you’re an Atlantian. ”

“Like I said before, I’m just special.”

I laughed. “Hey, don’t take my line.”

His lips parted on a sharp inhale as he stared at me.

“What?”

“Your laugh,” he said, his gaze sweeping over my features. “Hearing it always does shit to my chest.”

“Good shit?” I whispered, feeling my chest start to do weird stuff.

“You know the answer to that.” His head cocked. “Can I ask you a favor?”

I nodded.

“Can you move away from the edge?”

My brows lifted. “Are you worried I’m going to accidentally run off it ag—” I stopped myself with a wince.

“You don’t have a reason to do that, right? So, I wasn’t thinking that,” he replied smoothly. “I just don’t like seeing you so close to a cliff’s edge.”

“I wouldn’t die if I fell.”

“But it wouldn’t feel good.”

“I don’t know.” I turned back to the edge. “I think I would just…land on my feet.”

“Let’s not test that out,” Casteel said, his scent wrapping around me, telling me he’d moved closer.