Page 141 of The Primal of Blood and Bone (Blood and Ash #6)

“She didn’t say his name. But she said Death. So, yeah…” I cleared my throat. “The dream was pleasant up to that point.”

His gaze snapped to mine. “What do you mean?”

I lifted a shoulder. “It was warm and sunny, and she was humming something. A song.” I took another drink. “But then the sky turned dark, and I—” I stiffened, my heart dropping. “I saw someone else.”

“Kolis,” Seraphena said quietly. It wasn’t a question.

“He was…mostly bone. Crimson bone. And I was…” I didn’t need to say that Kolis had scared me.

It was likely clear in the tremor running through my hand.

But just moments ago, Casteel’s appearance hadn’t frightened me at all.

It had… Heat crept up my throat. Yeah, I wouldn’t think about that at the moment.

“She vanished then, and it was just him. But when I saw her, it was like looking at myself without scars in the mirror.” My gaze went back to Casteel. “I just remembered that.”

A faint smile appeared, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“What you saw was a dream.” Seraphena paused, tucking some hair back. “But he was there.”

The air slowly leaked out of my lungs, even though I had already known that.

“I felt him.” Eather pulsed through her eyes. “Smelled him.”

“Stale lilacs,” I whispered, rubbing my palm against my thigh as the grul’s words echoed in my thoughts. How the ceeren didn’t harm me. I thought about the nightmare—the touch before I dreamt of him snapping my neck. Because it was him. His touch.

My skin suddenly felt sticky. Dirty. Like it did when I thought about having drunk Teerman’s blood or having him take mine. I wanted to wash my skin until the sensation vanished.

A rush of messy emotions drove me to my feet. I moved around the chair, holding the glass to my chest. Casteel turned, his gaze searching. “I can’t sit.”

He said nothing as he crossed his arms once more.

I drank, but my throat remained dry. “When I heard him in stasis, before the dream? It made me feel…”

“What?” Casteel asked quietly.

I swallowed. “Pity.”

“Penellaphe,” Seraphena’s voice sharpened.

“Poppy,” I corrected her.

Something flickered in her eyes, but it was gone in an instant. “He is a pitiful excuse for a man. Do not pity him.”

“That wasn’t all I felt,” I added. “I also felt seething hatred, and…” Fear. I’d felt choking fear. I could feel it even now, the residual terror clinging to my skin.

My eyes lifted and met Casteel’s. His beautiful face betrayed no emotion, and his shields were up. I picked up nothing from him. I knew I could force my way in if I pushed, but I didn’t need to.

I knew what he felt.

And I knew he could hear what I hadn’t said.

He’d likely tasted the fear radiating from me.

Calming the whirling essence in me, I backed away and neared the wall. “You said he could sense Sotoria. He woke up or…became aware when I was born.”

“He would have,” Seraphena confirmed.

Turning, I went to the window. The sun had long since risen. I breathed in and then slowly let the breath out. Suddenly, something Seraphena had said earlier came back to me.

“Hold on, I’m related to Callum?”

“Yeah.” Seraphena drew out the word. “We may never have a family reunion,” she said sardonically. “For obvious reasons.”

What in the actual fuck? I stared at the trees but really didn’t see them. Callum? My…my brother? Absolutely not. He wasn’t anything to me. While I may have been Sotoria, I wasn’t her. I wasn’t .

“And here I thought Malik would make family dinners awkward,” Casteel muttered.

The comment eased some of the tension building in me, and a laugh burst free. “You have—” It hit me, and I spun around. “I look like Sotoria. Unless Callum has a really poor memory, that means he knows who I am—or was.”

“He would.”

Stunned, I slowly shook my head. “He’s been around me.”

“And he never said anything?” she asked. “Gave any indication?”

“No. I mean, I don’t think so. We didn’t have long conversations.” I racked my brain for any clues he could’ve given me and couldn’t come up with any. But that could be because my head felt like it really couldn’t handle any more information. “He was always…amicable toward me.”

Casteel huffed. “He has a way of being infuriating while being civil.”

“True.” I paused. “I did kill him once for annoying me.”

Seraphena laughed. “That makes my heart happy to hear.”

That was kind of disturbing.

But so was the fact that her statement made me grin.

I turned back to the window, thinking about the last time I’d seen Callum.

It was at the Bone Temple, and I’d thought he looked surprised when Isbeth seemingly chose to sacrifice Malec.

But perhaps I’d read his expression wrong.

It was kind of hard to see when his face was painted.

I thought about what Holland had said regarding those aiding Isbeth having different end goals.

Why had he never said anything? The question fed a part of me that wanted to deny what Seraphena said. The same part that wanted to ignore that she couldn’t tell an outright lie.

Sipping the sherry, I resisted the urge to bang my head off the window. “How did I not know I was…reborn? I’ve never had a single memory of another life—or lives.”

“You probably did as a child, but they faded as you got older,” Seraphena said. “At least, that’s what Ione said.”

My heart jolted in surprise at the Goddess of Rebirth’s name. It was surreal to be here with Seraphena and hear her speak about other gods who always seemed more like fables to me. “You talked to her about me?”

“I did. I wanted to know if you would remember your past lives.”

Knowing what I did now about Kolis, I had a feeling it was a blessing I didn’t remember anything.

Still, a part of me needed to know.

I drew in a breath that felt too thin. “Ian said that Kolis’s appearance frightened Sotoria, causing her…” My brows lowered as a strange memory surfaced—a village and screams. I shook my head. “Causing her to run. And she fell. It sounded like an accident.”

“It was.”

“I cannot believe she ran off a cliff,” I muttered.

“I had a hard time believing it myself. But what I didn’t fully appreciate then was that the gods were very much present in the mortals’ lives in Sotoria’s time. Being terrified of the Primal of Death would have been a normal reaction.”

I guessed so. “The second time she died…she was pushed to take her life?”

Seraphena hesitated. “Yes.”

My eyes closed. I wished I couldn’t imagine what had been done to someone to drive them to such an act, but I could. Imprisonment. Loss of choice. Assault. The end of hope.

“She didn’t die by her own hand, though,” Seraphena said, and my eyes opened. “She managed to speak with Eythos and asked him to end her life.”

“And he agreed?” Casteel asked.

“He did. I think he had an idea of how to help Sotoria by then.”

“Or try to,” I corrected. “It sounds like Kolis always found her.” I rested my forehead against the cool window, searching every part of my being for an emotional connection to this past. The horror. “I…don’t feel anything.”

“What do you mean?” Casteel’s voice was closer.

“I don’t feel anything I should when I think of her and what she experienced—what I experienced.” I sighed, realizing how that sounded. “I mean, I feel anger and sadness, but it’s what I would feel for anyone in such a situation. It doesn’t feel…”

“Personal?” Seraphena finished for me.

I nodded.

“Ione explained that while you may look like Sotoria, and your soul is hers, you are your own person,” she explained.

“You may share certain characteristics with your past—dislikes or hobbies—but you have your own memories and your own distinct personality based on the life you are living now. Not hers. So, it makes sense that it doesn’t feel personal. ”

I closed my eyes as a measure of relief swept through me. After feeling like I’d just begun finding myself, I didn’t want to be told that I was someone else. But the relief was short-lived. “But to Kolis…”

“He will see you as Sotoria.” She confirmed what I knew already.

The rush of icy fury that rolled off Casteel caused my heart to skip. I turned to him without conscious thought, our gazes locking.

“Then I will take his eyes, and he will see nothing,” he gritted out. “That, I promise you.”

My breath snagged as his roughly spoken words lingered in the space between us, seeming to ink themselves on my flesh and carve their way into my bones, becoming an unbreakable bond.

“Careful with promises,” Seraphena warned. “A vow made by a Primal cannot be broken, and I have no idea if that applies to either of you.”

I had a feeling it did.

“That’s okay.” A cool, shadowy smile curled one side of his lips. “I have every intention of fulfilling that vow.”

My heart thumped as I fought to stop the trickle of fear that threatened to grow into a tidal wave. We weren’t dealing with an Ascended or a demis. We were talking about the true Primal of Death.

Seraphena’s mind seemed to go where mine had. “A newly Ascended Primal has weaknesses. If wounded severely enough, they can be put into stasis. And if the damage is substantial, a fledgling Primal can be killed. That’s true for the three of you.”

“But we’re Joined,” I said. “As long as I—” My body flashed cold as knowledge slithered into my thoughts. “No.”

Seraphena exhaled heavily as Casteel frowned. “What?” he asked.

“A true Primal of Death can break any bond,” she said. “If you were to fall to him in battle, it would sever the bond. They would not die.”

Cas stiffened as understanding dawned. A trickle of fear became a steady stream. “And if he went after Cas or Kieran?” I asked, even though I knew better. “Would they still be protected.”

Seraphena took another breath. “If either of them dies by his hand or will, the Joining won’t protect either of you. It would be like it never existed. He would be able to kill them.”