Page 188 of The Primal of Blood and Bone (Blood and Ash #6)

POPPY

Attes and Valyn returned with Reaver just before the sun set.

Seeing them side by side was…a different experience.

Their features were so similar, even their mannerisms. They could almost pass for twins except that Attes looked a decade younger than Valyn.

And considering he was likely thousands of years older?

I couldn’t wrap my head around it, so I didn’t even try.

Neither Valyn nor the Primal asked about what’d happened with Casteel, thank the gods. But I could tell Cas’s father wanted to, especially when I saw him staring at me as I gripped the arms of the chair.

I couldn’t let go. If I did, I’d likely shadowstep to wherever Casteel was so we could talk things out.

But I couldn’t.

I had responsibilities that went beyond Casteel and me. A duty that affected the lives of everyone in the mortal realm and Iliseeum—possibly even the Continents. What would stop Kolis from eventually turning his sights on that realm and making things worse?

We finalized plans for tomorrow. Reaver and Aurelia would leave in the morning and fly toward Pensdurth, staying close just in case , as Attes had put it. He didn’t elaborate on what that meant, but he didn’t need to.

In case things went south.

We decided to meet in the Great Hall at ten to noon. I didn’t pick the location. Valyn did. I only left the chair I sat in to retrieve Seraphena’s dagger.

Attes had stared at it before taking it, hilt first. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen this.”

“Did Seraphena not wear it?”

“Not after we entombed Kolis and learned about your…about the soul thing,” he said, glancing over at me.

I quickly averted my gaze. I was having a hard time looking at him.

Casteel had to be wrong. But even if he was right, if Attes had been in love with Sotoria, that didn’t mean he was in love with me. We were different people.

That was just the truth.

“Nyktos requested I make this,” he continued, his brow pinching. “I carved it from my bone spear.”

“It’s beautiful,” I murmured as Reaver walked by where we sat in the Solar, apple in hand. I had no idea where he’d gotten it. He stopped in front of the balcony doors.

Attes smiled briefly. “Thank you.” He handed the blade back to me. “We need a plan.”

“I have to get close to him. I know what that means.”

The Primal looked down at his hands. “Do you really know what that entails?”

“I do.” My cheeks warmed as Valyn looked away, his jaw working. “And I’d rather not go into it in present company.”

Attes sat back.

“I do have a question,” I said as what I knew about Attes crept into my thoughts. “Wouldn’t Kolis question your presence? He knows you hate him.”

“I’ve been thinking about that. I think we stick with what’s true,” Attes said. “I’m there because I don’t trust him.” He paused. “And I’ll act like I didn’t know you were going to…”

Offer myself to him.

Got it.

“I need to be able to hide this,” I said, waving the dagger. “But have easy access to it.”

“A forearm sheath,” Valyn suggested. “I can get one for you.”

“Perfect.”

Valyn met my eyes. “What can we expect once it happens?”

I glanced at Attes.

“You may feel a quake—it will be long. There will be some level of destruction, mostly limited to Pensdurth,” Attes explained. “Then there will be shockwaves. They won’t lessen until Nyktos Ascends to become the true Primal of Death.”

Valyn nodded. “What about Poppy? What will the Fates do—other than put her in a time-out.”

Attes’s jaw tightened as he glanced at me. “They will likely use eather. It won’t be pleasant.”

“I figured,” I murmured.

“I don’t know for how long,” he added. “It will depend on how angry they are. But I will get you back here before you go too deep into stasis.”

I forced a smile of thanks. “I can’t imagine the Fates will be that upset.”

“I wouldn’t take that to mean anything,” Reaver said, drawing my gaze to him. “They won’t hold back when it comes to putting you in stasis. They will right the balance.”

There wasn’t much to say after that. Valyn and Attes rose to leave, the former stopping first. “Thank you.”

I stood in the Solar’s hall. “For what?”

“For making sure my son does not go.”

Nearly choking on my breath, I nodded.

Valyn bowed his head and then stepped out.

Attes lingered in the threshold. “You okay?”

“Yes.” I squared my shoulders. “Of course.”

He eyed me for a moment, and then his gaze flicked behind me. “See you tomorrow.”

I closed the door and exhaled roughly.

“You’re a terrible liar.” Reaver’s voice carried.

Turning, I went back and dropped into the chair.

“You going to tell me what’s wrong?”

“No.”

“Okay.” He bit into the apple and gazed at the sky beyond the windows.

Neither of us spoke after that, and he left sometime later.

I should’ve been mentally preparing myself for what was to come and what it would take for me to end Kolis, but my head was with my heart.

Was I doing the right thing by giving Casteel his space?

Should I find him? Would apologizing again help?

Had I been wrong to place some of the blame on him?

Question after question circled in my mind.

The closest answer I could come to was that we were both at fault in varying degrees.

How did one fix something like this? It was fixable, right?

I didn’t know. I’d never been in a situation like this before, and I wasn’t sure who I could even go to for advice.

Tawny had never been married or in a long-term relationship.

I wasn’t sure about Vonetta, but she was Casteel’s friend first, and the very last thing I needed to do was shove another Contou in the middle of us.

So, I remained where I was, waiting for Casteel to return or, at the very least, Kieran. Minutes turned into hours. My muscles ached from how rigid I sat. It had to be past midnight when I forced myself to accept reality.

Neither was returning.

Did that mean Kieran had found Casteel? Or was he also mad? He hadn’t seemed that way when he left, but Kieran had always been hard to read. That hadn’t changed.

What if I’d ruined them?

The breath that left me felt like it took all the air in the chamber with it.

I pried my fingers from the arms of the chair and stood, drifting back to the bedchamber like one of the wraiths in the Dark Elms Ian had spun stories about.

I undressed silently, changed into a sleeping gown, and crawled into bed. I didn’t look toward the Cliffs. I lay on my side, facing the side Casteel slept on, and waited.

And waited, every part of me tense as if my body were poised to rise at any moment so I could go to Casteel. Anxiety and desperation crawled through me, causing my legs to shift restlessly beneath the soft blanket.

Kicking the blankets off, I rose and began pacing as my heart thumped and my stomach continuously twisted.

I had no idea how long I wore a path on the floor in front of the bed before I finally crawled back under the covers.

Crossing my arms, I balled my hands and drew up my legs.

I held myself tight, trying to keep from breaking apart.

And that was how I felt. As if I were on the edge of shattering.

I couldn’t allow that.

I clenched my jaw and blinked hard, refusing to give in to the rawness trying to claw its way free.

I couldn’t go to him.

I wouldn’t.

When sleep finally came, it came quickly, pulling me under so deeply that I couldn’t be sure if what happened in the darkest hours of the night was real or if I’d dreamed of him slipping into bed behind me.

His pine-and-spice scent enveloping me.

His strong arms wrapping around me, his body cooler than usual as he gathered me to his chest.

His voice, low and shadowy in my ear as he pressed his wrist to my mouth and told me to feed.

None of it felt real.

Not the tingling of the first drop of his blood on my tongue nor the heady taste—decadent, lush, and tinged with a wildness that was stronger now than when I’d first tasted it. Even the heat that built with each draw from his wrist felt like a dream borne of desperation.

When my eyes opened to the gray rays of dawn, the haze of sleep still clouded my thoughts. I was alone, and the spot beside me was cold, seemingly untouched. But I felt flushed, stronger . And his taste…

My breathing turned shallow.

His taste lingered in my mouth and on my lips, as did the feel of his hand on my thigh, parting them as I fed.

It still felt branded on my flesh. I could feel us even now, my body rocking, driven by need and instinct.

Him behind me, inside me. It all burned and blurred together, but I knew it had been real.

Casteel had returned to me.

But he hadn’t stayed.

He wasn’t here now.

He’d come and made sure I was fed, that I was strong . He’d sated my needs, then left. And that was…

It was ruinous.

I forced myself to eat the breakfast Kieran brought. It wasn’t exactly a well-balanced meal, mostly strips of crispy bacon—my favorite kind: both salty and sweet.

I hadn’t looked Casteel in the eyes since he left the Solar the evening before.

I stopped myself from asking Kieran if he’d found Casteel no less than a hundred times. Kieran wasn’t volunteering the information, and there had to be a reason for that.

One I couldn’t face right now.

The bacon tasted like sawdust.

And each time I was about to summon the essence to find Casteel, I heard the raw pain in his voice, saw the unshed tears in his eyes, and sensed the betrayal he felt.

I couldn’t risk seeing that again before I left. It would shatter me.

When Kieran ducked out to do only the gods knew what, the reality of what was coming became more real with each passing moment. No matter what happened in Pensdurth, I would not be returning to Carsodonia conscious. Either I’d be in stasis or…

Pressure clamped down on my chest. Everything felt like it was happening too fast. My breathing thinned, my heart stuttered.

I forced a slow exhale.