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I was also certain Xander’s dad, Alpha Eric Conners, would put it together too. He was on vacation and based on my projections Princess Luna Haley was likely in her concupiscence. So…he might be busy.

Freya snorted, “The amount you know about this family you never met deeply impresses me.” That was good…since I knew practically everything about them. Xander made declarations about the emotional baggage I had and I knew at that moment my heart was gone.

It had been his for seventeen years when you really thought about it. When he said he was proud of me, I nearly jumped him. I’d been working so hard to make everyone from my past proud of me for almost seven years.

No one besides Mason and Hendrick ever said they were proud of me anymore. I felt all those lonely alone spaces in me begin to fill up. Freya was here now and Xander was too.

I didn't even know if Jason and I could have a relationship at this point. Maybe we could get over the hurt between us one day. We’d never be like we were though. Mom, Dad, and Tristan would want me to try though… I could try for them… we’d just need therapy. A LOT of therapy.

I broached the subject of marking. He couldn't do that until he knew everything. Freya grumbled, “I get it but…” I interrupted her, “It has to be his choice with all the facts… out there for him to decide… I can’t take his choice away from him like that.” Freya sighed in discontent.

I understood that feeling. I desperately wanted him to mark me, but he needed the full picture. Freya told me, “So tell him.” I reiterated, “I want this time with him. Don’t you?” Freya didn’t say anything, but I knew she agreed.

She just wasn’t as scared as I was that he would reject me. The words had haunted me for four years. I’d sat in my car outside the diner for five hours the day after my eighteenth birthday trying to decide if I should just go to Xander.

Ultimately, I knew the people of Black Path needed me. I didn’t know what would happen once Xander rejected me. I knew that even strong wolves went down for at least a week. I didn’t have a wolf at the time. His rejection could’ve literally killed me.

Freya groaned, “Mate thinks we aren’t ready to be marked.” I replied, “Yes, well… that’s not the problem. The problem is whether or not he will want to be connected to me forever.” He was teasing me about biting pillows.

I nearly groaned. Seriously? With that smirk and that voice? Was he TRYING to make me combust? I was so ready to jump him. Freya linked, “Thank god.” I blew out a breath saying, “I just… he looks like a god and I’m… inexperienced.”

I nearly fell over when he said he’d never done this before either. What in the Fairy loophole evasive statement was that? I linked Freya, “What does he mean by this?” Freya laughed, “You’re cute.” I replied, “You have my memories! They said…”

She growled, “And I told you that your projections were based on hearsay. Those people are obviously skilled liars. Your memoires reflect your hurt about it, but If I’d been with you…” She trailed off. She sighed, “One, they’d be dead. Two, I would’ve told you they were lying.”

She could tell they were lying from a memory?

! She answered, “Yes. Our counterpart told you they were lying.” I snorted, “He was trying to make me feel better and…” She cut me off, “He wasn’t.

Those women were lying to you. I wasn’t certain when we spoke about it earlier, but I am now that I’ve gone through every single memory involving those people. ”

She didn’t know though. She snorted, “Our mate that can’t lie just said he’s never had sex. So, they did lie.” She made a valid point. He could not lie nor was there a reason to… other than I wasn’t his type… with my lack of blonde hair.

I was actually taken aback when he mentioned he was kissed against his will. HE WAS WHAT?! AND I MISSED IT?! That was a personal affront to everything I did for him. I didn’t let people hurt or take advantage of my man. Freya purred, “Possessive. I like it.”

Yeah, well I’d find out who it was and wring her neck! Freya was in complete agreement. I was easily still in shock that he’d never had sex. He’d just had one kiss. Freya snorted, “I told you those women were liars.”

Well, I didn’t have enough evidence to make that statement. It could be one of Xander’s brothers they were with… and people couldn’t tell the difference. I needed more data before I hunted them down TO KILL THEM ALL.

Freya said, “I told you mate knew who we were.” I sighed, “I’m sure he thinks he knows all about Ashley Griffen. You’ve seen my memories. He doesn’t know a lot about me… like my real name... He doesn’t know I’m Red One, Bravo One, Swiffer…. so… he doesn’t know what’s happened to me.”

Freya told me gently, “He will avenge it, and he won’t judge you.

It will hurt him, but we will get through it.

” It wouldn’t hurt him... because he wasn’t going to find out.

Red One, Bravo One… he had to know about those if we were going to be together.

.. eventually he’d figure it out so I had to tell him.

The rest of it? He never had to know. That was what I deserved.

It was my cross to bear, not his. Freya disagreed, “You didn’t deserve it.

Not once. Not ever.” Well, knowing I was Swiffer and how I’d fought would hurt him.

So, that was not on the table to discuss.

Freya snorted like she didn’t believe that.

I lost myself in the feeling of kissing Xander. It was escalating and he went to take off my shirt. Oh no. We were in the light. Even if we were in the dark, he’d be able to see the scars. Supernatural’s had excellent vision.

I’d never been this ashamed of them except those first few months after they happened. I didn’t inflict them on myself. It had been done to me, but I didn’t want Xander to see them. He was clearly confused but agreed to my boundaries.

Freya asked me, “How long can you keep that up?” I didn’t know. I did know I could do it for at least two weeks. The swimsuit Sierra had picked was bikini bottoms with a swim shirt… like I was surfing. Not that I knew how to surf… I could learn though. She’d been thinking ahead on that one.

I had a bikini I wore in Black path, but everyone there knew I had the scars. Most just didn’t acknowledge why anymore. They did acknowledge that their Alpha was a liar and coward after that. Especially once Trevor declared he was my mate.

Edward had been losing control on the pack since I was sixteen but the drastic downfall he’d gone through since I turned eighteen was historic for Black Path.

Xander popped us upstairs. I’d been popped before leaving Red Run by the entire Gamma Family. Jared had popped me first. My favorite time had been when Luna Emmaline Lyons popped me around my house.

That had been because I was so excited to meet her. It felt like a step in the right direction on meeting people. I’d been wrong, but at the time it felt like meeting her would mean meeting everyone else.

I took his shirt off and I was certain my eyes almost bugged out of my head. I thought I was prepared from memorizing his videos. Because… OH MY LANTA! You have GOT to be kidding me. Freya linked, “He’s yummy. Go with your first plan of licking and biting him.” She might have a point.

He teased me about knowing I watched his videos.

FOILED BY PRINCE GUNNER! I knew it was him.

My fake accounts to watch his videos weren’t that deep but I didn’t think he would look into it.

I didn’t have Prince Gunner level protection on those accounts because why would he check?

I couldn’t believe he catered his videos to me.

I nearly panicked because I watched the most on my actual account… that I never posted on anymore. But this conversation meant Xander knew Melanie McAlister watched his videos. Freya snorted, “And he clearly doesn’t care. In fact, he likes it.” He was talking about Ashley watching, not Melanie.

She replied, “Same person. I argued, “He doesn’t know that!” His work in the gym showed. Thankfully, he didn't ask if he could mark me at that moment; because I’d have blurted out the whole dang story so that he’d keep nipping at that spot. He settled between my thighs and said I smelled amazing.

Well… that couldn’t be true. I had sweat at the show and then there had been that whole writhing in pain then... OH MY GOSH! WHY DIDN’T I SHOWER?! How could I let him anywhere near me without showering?! Freya chuckled at me.

My train of thought abruptly left when I felt his tongue on my clit. It felt better than anything I’d done to myself. When his finger entered me, I was panting with need. It would be embarrassing if I cared about such things at this moment.

Honestly, he could ask me anything he wanted. I’d tell him everything. I was so beyond screwed. He made me come several times before he climbed up. Freya purred, “Good plan on getting claimed. It’s odd to do so without marking but not unheard of.”

Exactly. We could at least do the whole claiming sex thing.

My brain might have broken when I saw his…

.my books called it his manhood. My books were liars.

Manhood… Pshhhh… that was a weapon. Of course it hurt when girls had sex for the first time.

LOOK at that giant... hard…. Weapon. It was definitely a weapon.

Freya reasoned, “You did a study on Alpha wolves. You know all Supernatural’s are well endowed and Alpha males more so.” I replied, “There is reading and seeing… that’s different!” She chuckled in my head. Xander looked so confident about this working without damage to my internal organs.

Freya chimed in, “I agree with mate. Trust him.” The biggest problem right now was... I did. I did trust him. I was screwed. I wasn’t even overly worried about the pain associated losing my virginity.