Page 70 of Sins and Virtue

“Alright, then let’s begin. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.” He made a sign of the crossas I followed his movements. "May God, who has enlightened every heart, help you to know your sins and trust in his mercy.”

“Amen.” I finished, kissing my hand.

His voice was deeply pensive as he asked, “So what brings you here, sister?”

My thumb ran over the other, trying to be as respectful as I could while being truthful. “I’ve been having some forbidden thoughts.”

“What kind of forbidden thoughts?”

Instantly, my skin felt flushed and burning with embarrassment. How could my tongue confess such perverted, lustful things? If it were any other man, there would be no objection. However, to a man like Father Andrea, who was a virtuous, pious man, it felt disrespectful. “Sister? I asked, “What type of thoughts?”

I pushed down the heavy tie in my throat. “Physical ones like that between a man and woman.”

“Ah.” His lips parted mystified as he drawled. “Lustful. Perverse. One that makes the skin excited, whether in fear or ecstasy.”

My skin drew in tight discomfort as I faced reality. One I’d been depriving myself from, the thoughts I’d restrained, and the control I’d faced.

“And why have you been having such thoughts sister?”

I stuttered. “W-well…”

“Who’s been tempting you?” His tone was an edge darker, more ardent.

“There’s no one, Father.”

His normal kind brown eyes were a deep ocean blue that bled into my soul. “Don’t lie, child. We’re in confession. Reveal your deepest dark desires, or else you’ll sin even more.” The words rolled off his tongue, nearly sensual, sending a rush of endorphins to my blood. The interaction, or rather his reaction,was odd. He was a man of faith, sworn to a vow of abstinence, so why would he speak with such vigor instead of talking me astray?

It doesn’t make sense.

My thighs rubbed against one another subconsciously. “Father, it’s best I don’t say.”

“Why not? Am I making you uncomfortable?” He rasped, his finger tracing the screen that divided us.

“It’s not exactly that, but such thoughts are personal.”

He chuckled lowly and sweetly. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. After all, if the Father knows, how bad can it be?”

Thinking about the chained-up, sharp-tongued Russian I had in my bedroom whose every comment and look tested me— between being at the Pearly Gates of Heaven and the Devil’s Lair, I was fairly six feet knee-deep in burning, lusty Purgatory.

“Pretty bad.”

“Blair, you’re avoiding it. The longer you hide, the more it festers. Eating at you and your soul until it consumes you whole.”

“I swear it’s not my intention. It’s just so hard to say this… especially in front of someone like you.” I swallowed harshly, fluttering my lashes. “A godly man. It’s shameful to say this.”

“Yet, I’m still a man nonetheless, Blair,” he revealed.

“What do you mean, Father?”

“A man is still a man, no matter who he worships.” A rough, nearly Russian accent overlapped his voice. His words somehow remind me of the man that had me in this problem in the first place— Konstantin. Robbing me of any logical thought.

“I—”

“Look, shall we do an exercise?”

“Exercise?” I repeated, thinking, what in the hell would that be useful for?

He nodded, the edge of his lips lifted upwards. “Something to help make this progress easier if you want. If not, we can resume this conversation another day.”