Page 114 of Sins and Virtue

And the heart wants what it wants.

And I wanted to be with my son and… with Konstantin too.

But all was not fair in love and war.

Chapter 18

Blair

Fate had always been a tricky thing.

It could never be maneuvered or changed.

At the end of the day, when everything you’ve deserved catches up to you, you’re left with a choice: to stay and run or to live and embrace.

Most people would run away from their problems like I had a history of doing, but there was always lingering regret of what could have been, and now that Konstantin offered me to have anormallife again, it was indeed tempting. This was the chance I’d longed for.

Now, it was in the palm of my hands.

He’s leaving. Konstantin was leaving today, and I didn’t know what to do.

Heavy distraught sat on the edge of my shoulders; the chains of guilt tightened around my heart as I kneeled in front of the altar with hands to my chest, gazing up at a martyred Jesus on the Cross. At noon as the sun reached its peak, the solace of theempty church should have felt comforting, but all I felt was the cold air and stares. The perpetual judgment of my sins.

The choice felt obvious, but was it mine?

The one thing I wanted so badly was to go and see my son and live a life with him and Konstantin, but I knew he would be safer with me away. That was the safe option. The right option.

Maybe?

“Ugh,” sighing, trying to find some sense of peace but to no avail.

God, tell me what to do.

Sensing a judgmental gaze piercing my temple, I lifted my head and from beyond the altar watched Reverend Mother Francis gazing with a soft curiosity. She leaned against the nearest wall. “Can we talk, Blair?” she asked in a low, kind voice.

Not right now.

Shrugging my shoulders up, I sassed, “Do I have a choice?”

Truly, out of all days, today wasn’t the day I wanted to deal with her.

“Dear, we all do.”

What has gotten into her?

During all this time, she never showed any interest other than getting us in trouble. What changed?

Well, what can I lose? I’m already away from what I love the most and deciding to leave someone who wants a piece of my heart.

“Alright.”

“Accompany me to my office, please,” she directed with the tilt of her head.

I nodded as I stood up on one knee and then the other; a static feeling shot up my leg from sitting on it for too long as I slowly followed behind her. Making my way past the front of the church and back to the administrative quarters where the superiors and ministers stayed. Reaching the end of the hall, the furthest doorstraight ahead, where a golden plaque with the words “Mother Superior” hung from it.

After she opened the door, telling me to proceed first, she then offered me a seat at the one across from hers.

Hesitantly, I sat down, unsure what she would say. Looking around the room, which you would think would be filled with luxuries, lace, and gold, it was rather simple, with only the wooden desk in the middle.