Page 117 of Sins and Virtue

From my peripheral, a glint of brown wavy hair entered my vision as I snapped my head and rushed to my feet. Burning anticipation coursed through my veins. Her petite hips swayed side to side as she hastened to reach one of the trains. She looked frantically almost as if she was trying to see which train to get in.

It’s her.

My lips parted open as I went to call out for her when a child’s voice erupted, “Mamma!”

She whisked around, and her soft features clashed with somewhere beyond me. Then a boy who was about seven years old came running up to her.

Her eyes rounded with shock and relief.

“Oh my god, Richardo! I was looking for you everywhere. Where were you? Don’t you ever run off like that!” She frantically reprimanded him as she knelt to eye level.

The boy, who wore a Spiderman shirt, blue jeans and matchingNikesneakers, stood cautiously as he nervously replied, “I went to see the man who sold the diamond earrings to see if he would give me a discount for it. I mean, since it’s your birthday soon and you really want them.”

Her eyes began to water as she shook her head. “Please don’t do that again. Those earrings don’t matter as much as you.”

“Okay, Mamma,” he said.

“Promise me.”

“I promise, Mamma.”

“Alright, baby.” She cupped his cheek, giving him a kiss before she stood up, dusted off his skirt, and took his hand in hers. “Now let's go home.”

“Can we get some gelato on the way?”

She eyed him before sighing, like waving a white flag. “Although you don’t deserve it, okay.”

“Yay! I love you, Mamma!” He laughed as they boarded the train.

The duo reminded me of her.

Disappointment churned in my chest.

Hoping every brunette would be Blair was just being delirious.

Dreaming she would come in, crush my lips against hers, and join me onward to our new life, but when the case proved otherwise, it crushed any illusion of that fanciful notion.

I clenched my fist, vexed with myself.

She’s not coming.

She will. Just wait.

There’s no more time. We have to leave.

No.

We— I had no time for this.

Blair made her decision.

Even if it tore the seams of my heart— whatever remained of it—apart, even after all we went through, the bittersweet memories, the sardonic jokes, the hidden touches shared in the bleak of night, the secret our mouths were entangled with— it was a fact I had to accept.

Like hell. I’d rather go back to prison just to see her once a week than go the rest of my life without seeing her.

Me too, but…

Rationally, this was my last ticket to freedom, and my need for survival went to war with my mind. My desire.