Page 50 of Sins and Virtue

Death was an invaluable measure of how precious life was.

We could control the decisions we made, the people we loved or hated, and what we chose to do with our lives, but the one thing we couldn’t was dying.

The beige patched walls held only one window by the bedside, the surfaces of the table sanitized, leaving a rotten rubbing alcohol smell, and the cool air and lifeless movement gave me no hope.

Watching Konstantin lay on the hospital bed not moving as the lower part of his abdomen was wrapped with bandages. His skin a shade paler than before as sweat broke around his temple. The orbs of blue remained shut since that day, falling into a coma as the doctors operated on him.

His fever had broken and reappeared in the last several days like clockwork. That was after the doctors were able toremove the bullet; thankfully, he didn’t suffer too much internal damage. They were able to sew part of his stomach back.

Yet with the beeping of the machines as they hooked him up to multiple IVs and multiples, he didn’t look any better.

The only thing that I was grateful for was that the police didn’t pressure or force an intervention or investigation since the doctors quoted his condition as life and death and the hospital was responsible.

But it was only delaying the inevitable.

Guilt ate consciousness. Unable to deal with the possibility that something worse would happen, I'd never forgive myself. Although it wasn't directly my fault, somehow I felt responsible. He would be the second person I would have failed to protect.

A tear slid down my cheek as I sat next to him on a chair wearing a white lace v- neck dress. I didn't want to dress like I was going to a funeral. No, he was going to live.

“Please stay alive,” I whispered to him. Although he was asleep, somewhere deep down he could hear me. “Fight. Fight like the fierce warrior you are.”

My eyes peered up at him, intently watching for a reaction, movement, or a word if he could.

But nothing changed; the incessant beeping of the monitor was never-ending.

My head fell low between my shoulders as I reached out and touched his hands and took them in mine. Rough, sullied hands that held brutal experience, but right now he was like any other human being. Regardless of his sins, good or bad, he needed someone’s care.

It was weird knowing this man for such a short amount of time, and I cared for him. I didn’t know if it was his bravery or if I was scared he'd get caught or if he died. Who will remember him? He had no one. No family. No friends. No one to care.

I wept again.

God, how could this stranger make my heart break?

“Kotyonok?” A deeply gravelly voice spoke amongst my spiraling.

I lifted my head, and my heart lurched as Konstantin watched me with a glazed stare. Tired.

A shocking breath fled my chest. “Oh my god!”

I jumped out of my chair, turning to the door to get help. “Doctor! Nurse!”

Yet a force pulled on my wrist, turning my gaze back as he swallowed, “Don’t go.”

A loose strand of hair curled around my cheek.

Another fleeting smile captured my lips. “I won’t.” I turned to the drawer next to him, pouring him a cup of water. “I just wanted to let the doctors know you’re awake. You have been out. Here.” I brought it to his lips, adjusting his head softly, and he carefully drank.

His brow dipped, lost in time. “For how long?”

“A few days; technically, you were in a coma.” I answered, placing the cup back on the drawer top and coming back and placing my palm on his right hand, thousands of sparks setting off underneath. However, this was just a sign of moral support. Nothing more. Nothing less.

“Shit, I need to go!” He sat up, quickly lifting his torso off the bed as he abruptly stopped. Clenching his eyes shut, his head fell back against the pillow.

“Don’t.” I reprimanded, readjusting him and the blanket while I tucked him in. “You just had surgery a few days ago, your stomach was wide open, and you’re still healing.”

A spirit of interest dawned upon him as he gazed down, lifting the sheet and seeing the bandage area.

“Fuck, I forgot how it hurts like a bitch afterwards.”