Page 64 of Sins and Virtue

I didn’t.

Going as far as throwing myself on the top of the hill as I landed face down and began to roll around, landing on my back.

“Blair!” Kon agonized, his voice laced with a thick Russian accent.

A heavy sigh left my lips, relief running up my spine.

My eyes slowly trickled up to the space of leaves of the tree, catching the twinkle of the stars. Small precious diamonds that, if humans were able to grab them, they would rip the sky apart, robbing and tainting the heavens with their abysmal greed. Leaving the world to be truly a dreary place.

“How sad that would be.” I barely manage to mumble.

Just one more thing that would be taken away from me, and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

The dark inky clouds enclosed the glimmering silver light, causing only darkness to linger and form around. Yet the color of midnight blue came into my vision, and the world was full of color again. Konstantin had arrived at a steadier pace, leaning over me as his chest rose fervently in rough contractions.

“What did I tell you, kotyonok? Now look at yourself.Chto mne s toboy delat'? Kak ya mogu tebya uberech', yesli ty postoyanno v opasnosti.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No doubt, I was a complete mess.

With dirt on my face, my dress was ripped and my knees scraped as blood leaked from the pores, my hair turned into a bird’s nest by the wind as my locks were knotted. There were small twigs and leaves; I looked like I came out of a hurricane.

“I’m… okay,” I struggled to say, still trying to regulate my breaths.

“Like hell you are.” He kneeled down, having one arm resting on his knee and the other extended. He traced his finger against my cheek as I nudged against it a bit. He scanned my face up and down multiple times. His midnight blue gaze was more vivid, more intense as his eyes seemed to dilate. His fingers ran through my hair, attempting to fix the knots, framing the curls just about right.

Maybe it was the adrenaline or deliriousness leaking into my brain, but his touch was comforting. His attention and care were long overdue.

“From this point of view, you look less scary and more convincing. I can understand why more women would like to be underneath you.” I blurted. Thinking only about what our lips had shared on the dance floor.

He turned his head to the side, looking at something in the distance. Somewhat annoyed by what I said as he shook his head in disapproval, but he couldn’t fake the smirk posing on his lips. “You need a doctor, kotyonok,” he tsked.

“Hell no.”

“Yes.”

“Absolutely not! Anytime you go, they always give you bad news, so I prefer to not hear anything.”

“Don’t be a child.”

Me, a child? Oh please, if there was one thing I knew, it was children. Trust me, Ollie was no easy baby.

“I’m not.” I lifted my head up from the ground, a heaviness forming like a cloudy fog as I faked through the pain. “See, I’m perfectly fine.” I groaned as I sat up in one go, my spine screaming to lie back down, but I was too fucking stubborn to show otherwise. Adjusting myself as I spread my legs out in front of me.

My bones cracked loudly at the abrupt shift.

“Izhets!”

“English, please. I’m not Google Translate.”

“Who’s the liar now, Saint Blair?”

“I’m not Mother Teresa either, so I can still be a hypocrite.” At least that was my logic; truly, in this moment of clarity, the realization hit. I knew I was never going to be perfect. Never expected to be. But these last few months had challenged meinto thinking if I wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t good enough. What utter nonsense.

Who was I becoming? Because it was someone I wasn’t.

And would that be the type of person God wanted me to be?