Page 25 of Sins and Virtue

She rolled her eyes, huffing. “You don’t even know me.”

“True, yet, in the little time we’ve been together, I’ve never seen as much care as the way you treat children and the elderly.”

“Any person with decency would do so.”

“You’re not just any person.” And there was a long list. I'd argue about how so.

“Still, it shouldn’t be what I should do for the rest of my life.”

“What is this about?”

She closed her eyes, blurting out. “I’m having second thoughts… about becoming a nun.” She let out a sigh, her chest falling inward, as she had been hiding this terrible secret.

“Ah.”

“Yeah.”

The next question was too obvious. “Why?”

A puff of air fled her lips as she snapped her head towards me, her hands circling around us. “What do you mean, why? Look around.”

I started to examine the room and the items inside it—the wooden drawers, the old desk, the windowsill— it was a small humble abode, but what else would you expect of a holy place?

“I didn’t mean literally, Kon.”

She drew my eyes back to her as I scratched my brow with my thumb. “Well, I don’t see what you mean.”

She ran both her hands over her face, groaning miserably as she began pulling at the roots of her hair. “Konstantin, being here, surrounded by these four walls, constantly guarded, surrounded by women telling you what to do every minute, every second, watching your every step, just waiting for you to mess up. It feels like a—”

“Prison.” I finished her sentence, sharing that common sentiment.

Years of being locked up drove the mind to delirium and rage to be pent up, worse than a howling animal in the wild. Meanwhile, everyone and everything around you reminded you of the freedom you no longer had. It was a game of mental fortitude.

“Yup, and it’s suffocating.”

Tell me about it.

A scoff passed my lips, and I folded my arms one across the other.

“Then why are you still here, kotyonok?”

“I— I don’t really have a choice.”

“You always have a choice. Your life is yours, so rule your destiny. Never let the past consume you.”

“That’s easy for you to say. Can you really tell me you don’t regret things you did in your past?”

“Although I don’t feel that sentiment often, life is full of regrets for one reason or another. The decisions we make shape us. So rather than seeing it as a punishment, see it as a learned experience. If not, you'll never let go of the past.”

She eyed me meticulously and with a glint of intrigue. “Look at you becoming so wise. Who are you, Buddha?”

“Watch it, that’s blasphemy.”

Her lips cracked a smile I loved seeing. “Ahh, I hate when people are on my ass.”

A chuckle rumbled from my throat. “What a mouth you have, sister.”

“Oh shoot me! This place is making me lose my sanity.”