Page 53 of I Can’t Even Think Straight

Side by Side—In the Park—After School

We’re side by side

on a bench facing the playground.

Our backpacks rest at Matt’s feet.

Matt carried my heavy

backpack for me

all day at school today.

After The Boys at lunchtime,

Matt and I went to find Jyoti,

and he came out to her as well.

We’ve sworn Jyoti to secrecy.

T is the only person she’s allowed

to speak to about me and Matt.

“There they are.”

I point at T and Jyoti

as they exit the playground,

each holding a twin by the hand.

As they get closer,

I see T has Olivia

and Jyoti has Sophia.

“Kai!” “Kai!”

The Twins call out to me.

“Wait,” T yells

as The Twins pull free

and run toward me.

When they don’t stop,

T calls after them: “Remember,

you can’t jump on him.”

“Okay,” The Twins agree in unison

as they race in my direction.

“Get ready to meet my cousins.”

I beam at Matt.

“I’m ready!”

Matt beams back.

I feel love rush toward us.

My cousins about to meet

my best friend and crush.

The Twins halt in front of us,

side by side.

“You’re Matt!” Olivia says.

“That’s right!” Matt laughs.

“Who told you that?”

Olivia points back at T and Jyoti.

T puts an arm around Jyoti

and nuzzles at her neck.

“Matt?” Olivia begins.

“Yes?” Matt responds.

“Do you know our names?” she asks.

“Olivia and Sophia,” he says proudly,

as if he’s passed an important test.

“Do you know

who is Olivia and

who is Sophia?”

Sophia nudges in,

trying to occupy

the same spot

as her twin sister

in the glow of

Matt’s attention

and the golden

afternoon sun.

“I’m sorry, I don’t,”

Matt says honestly.

“Will you tell me?”

“I’m Olivia.”

Sophia lies convincingly.

“I’m Sophia.”

Olivia catches on instantly.

An expert liar himself,

I’m sure Matt knows

that he’s being lied to.

I wonder if he considers

playing along with them.

“Is that true?” he asks,

with the gravitas

of Pastor Matthew.

Both girls get the giggles.

They turn to each other

and laugh even harder:

an irrepressible joy bouncing

back and forth between them.

“Was Matt there

when you fell from the wall?”

Olivia asks me.

I turn to Matt.

I recall his helpless face

through the cloud of chalk

thrown up by my impact.

“Yes, he was there,” I say.

“Why didn’t he catch you?”

Olivia asks me innocently.

T and Jyoti swoop in

and lift The Twins up into the air

before I have a chance to answer.

Olivia and Sophia howl with laughter,

as T and Jyoti throw them up

and

catch them.

I turn and tease Matt:

“Why didn’t you catch me?”

Matt laughs at this question

coming from me

and not a five-year-old.

“I’m ready to catch you now,”

Matt says, becoming serious.

“The question is:

Are you ready to fall for me?”