Page 38 of I Can’t Even Think Straight

Later That Night: Ear to the Door—Mum’s Bedroom

I tiptoe toward

Mum’s closed bedroom door.

I press my ear to it.

Mum speaks in Greek

but too quiet and quick

for me to catch

most of what she says.

The few words I hear

are swear words.

I hope her swearing

is about Mr. Ndour

and not me.

I knock.

I hear footsteps.

Mum opens the door

with her phone

still at her ear.

“I’ll call you back, Estélla.”

In the doorway,

I explain my lie

and Mum listens,

her face blank,

as if her emotions

are still loading.

“I don’t deserve this,” she says.

Her voice and face break.

Nostrils flare, lips twitch, eyes well up.

“I don’t deserve to be lied to.

Not by you.

I’m on your side, Malachi.

I was ready to go to war for you.”

“I know,” I say. “I’m sorry.”

I wait but Mum doesn’t respond.

“Do you forgive me?” I ask,

fearful and uncertain

of what Mum thinks of me.

She doesn’t answer

with words. She flings

her arms around me.

Squeezes me tight.