Page 48 of I Can’t Even Think Straight

The Following Saturday: Before a Fall—Bouldering

“Μπρ?βο, αγ?πη μου,”

Vass cheers up at me from the crash mat,

as I reach the top hold

of a difficult problem,

only just within my arm’s length.

“Smile for the camera,” they say.

As I release one hand to turn

and give Vass a thumbs-up for the photo,

my other hand loses its grip.

In an instant I see Vass’s eyes change

from proud to afraid.

I recall a Bible verse

I heard at Matt’s church,

something about pride

coming before a fall.

This doesn’t feel like flight.

It’s my inevitable downfall.

I can’t remember how Coach said

we were supposed to fall.

My eyes drop from Vass’s face

to the crash mat rushing toward me.

There’s nothing to keep me

suspended in the air,

no hands at my waist,

like I did for Olivia

on the monkey bars.

This descent has been

a lifetime in the making.

I hear Granny’s voice say:

“You’re supposed to be

the good one, Malachi,”

and I feel myself flail

and twist

into an improbable position.

My right foot and elbow

are the first parts of my body

to make impact.

I’m flat on my back on the crash mat.

For a moment I can’t feel anything

and then a tingle builds in my body,

like a surge of electricity,

like the most extreme version

of pins and needles you can imagine.

I want my mum.

Through the cloud of chalk

thrown up by my impact

with the crash mat,

I see Matt and Vass are to one side of

me,

and Jenny and Obi are to the other.

“Don’t move!” Superhero Jenny tells me.

I think of how Jenny jumps from the wall,

even though we’re not supposed to,

but Jenny’s never fallen or injured herself.

The others look as helpless

and shook as I feel.

“Don’t touch him!”

Jenny says to them.

“I’ll get Coach.”

Vass starts crying. “It’s my fault

for making him pose for a photo.”

I try my best to sit up,

to reassure Vass that this wasn’t their fault.

Only then do I feel

the most intense pain in my ankle and elbow

and yell out in agony.

Coach returns with Jenny

and tells everyone

to move away from me.

I’m sitting up. I cup my right elbow

with my left hand.

I can’t stand without support,

so Coach lets Vass

come with us to the hospital.

I feel like Skellig, carried

from the junk-filled garage

to the abandoned house

with a nest of fledgling owls in the attic.

I don’t have wings, and I’ll never fly.

Theía Estélla meets us

and takes over from Coach

as my guardian.

Theía Estélla is an angel,

but I still want my mum.

After my X-rays, the doctor says

neither my ankle nor my elbow

seems to be fractured.

They say I can take painkillers.

I can’t go back to bouldering

or do any high-impact activities

for six to eight weeks

or until the pain stops.

I’m sent home

with Theía Estélla (and Vass)

with a walking boot to support my foot,

and a sling to support my arm,

but all I want is my mum.